An Update: In Case You Were Wondering

So Yoshi seems to have bounced back from her tummy bug and is almost back to eating normal amounts. Sadly, my paper towel supply is sorely depleted and my carpet will never be the same again. Thanks for all your get well wishes.

You may have noticed that I twittered that I was off to the cancer clinic for an appointment. I am still going every 3 months for check-ups and so far they seem very happy with my progress. I found out something interesting as far as how they calculate survivorship, though. I’ve been counting my cancer-free status since I got the all-clear pathology test after my mastectomy in Feb. 2006. It turns out they start your cancer free countdown from your very first cancer positive biopsy test. Makes no sense to me but that is how they roll in Cancerland. So according to them I’ve actually been cancer-free (or whatever they call it) for 3 years. I thought it was 2 years next week. Hmmmm…3 years works for me!

Anyway, I think I posted a TMI list a few weeks back stating that Christmas not only brought me yummy food and great gifts but also a very grinchy bowel. I’m still trying to inspire, um, generosity in that area so I’ve been scheduled for a CT scan in a few weeks to check out all those important bits in my tummy. Nobody expects nastiness there (my blood tests came back normal) but once you’ve had cancer these everyday aches and pains cause worry and stress and, very rarely, might mean something more serious. So I have that to look forward to. It means a very early morning, large amounts of water to consume and a lot of waiting around. Well worth the peace of mind.

And thanks for all your good luck wishes to me too. Yoshi and I are so lucky to have you.

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-Poor Sick Muffin

Laying down funny and favouring her tummy. I wish there was a kitty equivalent to ginger ale.

Poor Yoshi is not feeling well. She stopped eating last night after her 6 pm wet food dinner and barfed a couple times today. She rallied a bit and ate a little wet food for dinner tonight and then promptly yacked it up again. Poor little pooper. But she just ate a little more food a few minutes ago and it seems to be staying down. I hate it when she is sick because she is normally such a healthy cat. Also because she never manages to hurl on the linoleum parts of the apartment. Only on the beige carpet part and exactly where I walk most.

I took her to the vet on Monday for just a check-up. I do that every couple of years to confirm that she is healthy and happy. Since she is going to be 10 years old this March they suggested a geriatric blood panel to look at her function levels. I got a call that I have to bring her in again for a re-check as her kidney functions were a little off. Could be very early kidney issues or just stress. Considering how she tried to climb down the back of my sweater during the exam I am thinking it is probably the stress. However, I think she might have picked up a stomach virus while at the vet. So many germs there. They also shaved half the fur off her neck and chest to take the blood sample so there will be no more costumed photo-shoots for a few weeks until that grows back. It didn't occur to me to mention she is a world famous calendar model.

So poor, poor Yoshi. And poor me as the sole clean-up crew. And poor carpet too.

Addicted to Lube

I've been seeing little blurbs here and there on the internet about people who are desperate for chapped lip relief and pining for their favourite lip balm that always seems to be missing when they need it most.

FYI!

Not all lip balm is created equal.

Over the years working as a film costumer I've spent a lot of time in the company of make-up artists and I've gleaned a lot of very interesting and helpful information about skin care products and the like. Industry secrets, so to speak.

For instance:

-do not spend a fortune on face cleansers-Cetaphil is simply superior to most fancy skin products. It is non-allergenic and fragrance free and super gentle. And fairly inexpensive. AND available in bulk at Costco.

-I've discovered that most make-up artists use Maybelline's Great Lash Mascara. Not some super fancy brand. I've occasionally seen an actress insist on Lancome or Dior but even the most fancy of actresses know that Great Lash is a great mascara. Soft black seems to be the colour make-up artists use the most. And it costs well under $10. Which is good when you should be replacing your old germy container every few months.

But the greatest cosmetic swindle I learned about is lip balm. Here is the thing, any lip care product that contains menthol is DRYING! In effect it makes your lips feel cooler (and less painful) in the short term but actually makes you dependant on the product overall. What happens with products that either cool or warm your skin (lip balm, sore muscle rub etc.) is they only override your nerve endings which distracts them from sending pain signals to your brain. The cooling/warming confuses your pain receptors for a short time.

So lip balm like Carmex, Burt's Bees and others that contain menthol (or feel cool on your lips when applied) just dry out your lips and make things worse. In effect you become addicted to them for the temporary cooling sensation they provide and the whole time they make your lips dryer and more painful.

So what could you use instead?

Petroleum jelly based products like Vaseline, Labello (what I use) and others that make your lips feel coated and slippery BUT NOT COOL!

So there you go. I never thought I'd ever write a beauty post but I thought I'd pass on the lube to you.

Adventures in TV Watching

Found while perusing the online TV program schedule:


There are problems and then there are problems...

Viewers don't want to be encountering these kinds of problems on TV or in real life.

I gave it a miss and read a book.

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-Yoshi's Kitchen Nightmare

Every blue moon I cook up a huge pot of tomato sauce to spoon into small serving sized containers for my freezer. I hate cooking so this is the only way I can avoid scurvy. One nasty cooking hour resulting in several wondrous microwaving minutes at later dates.

Yoshi should count her blessings that this phenomenon doesn't happen more regularly because her aversion to the smell of onions being cut up is very dramatic and fraught with anguish and despair.

As I start chopping the onions (said in a Creole accent-Onyons!) I can see her out of the corner of my eye sniffing the air with a decidedly peevish cast to her ears.



Then the obsessive head tossing and lip smacking begins.


This part lasts for several minutes.

By this time most likely the onions are in the skillet and the worst is over. My streaming eyes have stopped leaking. But Yoshi? Oh no. She's not finished.

She then runs to my bedroom and starts her pitiful wailing.

Woe, woe, my EYES! They pain me! You are a horrible person to perpetuate such dastardly deeds against my frail person!

I go to her and pet her a little.

It is not enough.

She looks at me, ears at half mast and blinks. And blinks. And blinks some more.

What she wants is for me to wipe away her tears.

Yes, tears. She actually has tears.

I get a tissue and wipe away her tears. Cooing sweet nothings to her.

But too soon I have to return to my cauldron of poison.

And then the whole thing starts again until the sauce is finished cooking and packed away in the freezer.

Actual cat tears.

Actual snotty nose.

Crush Your Cat's Head Monday-Being Flexible

Friday, Monday, whatever...

Bath Time
Getting Warmed Up

Entering The Clean Zone

Employing the Gene Simmons Technique

Sampling a Juicy Drumstick

Nibbling on Deeelishus Toes

Exhausted and Ready For a Nap

The Written Equivalent to Nyquil

So I’ve been thinking a lot about what I could write about for my first official non-Yoshi related post for 2008. I was hoping to come up with a story from the holidays or some new personal conclusion for the New Year but I’ve got nothing. Well, nothing very interesting anyway. Things have been rather scattered lately and so have my thoughts. Not a bad thing but not great for a decent blog post. In point form here is what is new with me:

-I had a good Christmas with my family and there was lots of great food and company yet I emerged from the season feeling somewhat empty. This is nobody’s fault but my own. Despite my best intentions I got caught up in the petty stresses of the holiday worrying about shopping and The Perfect Gift and if this was enough for that person and that was too much for this person. You know what I mean. So I’ve decided that Christmas 2008 will be different. I don’t know what that will mean and what will change but I really want to regain some sort of joy and happiness in the whole process. There are no kids in my family so I cannot enjoy Christmas through their eyes. I am not religious so a church type holiday celebration won’t work. We’ll see. Maybe a trip. Maybe some volunteering. Maybe boycotting the whole thing. I don’t know yet…

-I went out of my comfort zone and attended a New Years Day dinner at my brother’s grandmother-in law’s house. Did you get that? Anyway, right at the beginning of dinner I had a raging panic attack, nearly gagged up my food and couldn’t eat for the rest of the night while doing everything in my power not to run screaming from the building. Fabulous.

-The Yoshi Calendar did very well! Thanks to everybody who bought one and/or pimped it to their friends and family. I sold out my small printing run of 250 and have blank note cards in the works featuring photos from the calendar. I’ll let you know when they are available. More stuff is in the works too. Hopefully T-shirts and some new photos featuring The Furface Herself.

-So yeah, about the above mentioned note cards. Just when I think I’ve got everything figured out and on a good time-line the little things always ferk me up. The packaging I ordered for the cards got lost by UPS and was delayed for over two weeks. The parcel showed up in shreds. The contents were alright but it really bugged me since they charge an exorbitant brokering fee to bring things over the border on top of hefty shipping costs. I’m thinking of getting a post box in Blaine, Washington and bringing things through customs myself. That would mean about a 1.5 to 2 hour round trip drive. Not sure if it would be worth it. No wonder everything in Canada is so damned expensive.

-AAAAAAND you’d think getting a common sized envelope in a colour other than white with some recycled content would be easy. Well, not so much. Once again I am struggling to find envelope suppliers in Canada (I’ve given up on something local) to meet my very basic needs. Of course the few I can find are in Ontario which means at least a week for shipping. I live in a big city! Why is this so complicated?

-It won’t stop raining out and on top of that it is also very cold.

-I got these awesome bed sheets for Christmas.

-I wish I knew Photoshop and how to do a web site and such. I have a great graphic designer friend helping me and I LOVE what she has done but I WANNA DO IT TOO! Collaborate! I love that stuff. I plan on taking a Photoshop course this year so I don't feel so ignorant.

-My dad’s hip is healing up well and he just started physio yesterday. They had him put some weight on his leg for the first time. This is good as the man is getting stir crazy not being able to get out and about.

-I got so brutally constipated over the holidays I had to go to the doctor. It is supposed to be the season for giving but my bowels were acting very selfishly.

Well, Yoshi is snoring on the chair behind me and it is almost midnight. Snooze time for me. This post probably put you to sleep as well. Good night!

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-Furry Purry

Yoshi's Christmas gift this year was this cozy bed that she can burrow into or sleep on top of. It is her very own personal Body Ugg.

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-Trollie Goodness

Hope everybody had a great Christmas and is ready to take on 2008 and kick ass! Yoshi and I sure am.

I've been blogging for almost 3 years and until the other day have never had any significant troll action. Lo! 2007 would not be complete without breaking that little charmed era and this lovely ANONYMOUS comment showed up in my Inbox relating to a past Crush Your Cat's Head Friday post:

you are all very sick fucks, i would love to crush your fucking heads and see how you like it

Well...crack my shit up!

First of all that video was 'banned' ages ago because me lovingly poking my cat was deemed inappropriate. Let's just talk a little bit about inappropriate behavior, shall we? In the last couple weeks Yoshi has farted on me numerous times, copiously vomited on my TV remote controls, wrecked shit, deposited some seriously stinky poos, hissed at my dad, bossed me around and turned her nose up at tasty offerings.

Don't see anybody protecting me from her, do you?

Anyway, I thought about how sick a fuck I was (I cannot speak for the rest of you) and decided to re-enact the offending video and was reassured that, yes, there is no doubt that Yoshi LOVES being poked. If only I had hooked her up to a throat mike for maximum purrocity there would have been no question about who is actually the sick fuck in the equation. Clearly not me. Yoshi loves the gentle abuse. I could also hypothetically add she loves being spanked and having her fat rolls manhandled.

Admitting that will probably get me arrested...

Dude. Chillax.

Wishing You All The Best!

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-Santa's Watching

BUSTED! She thinks it is helping while I know it means little white hairs all over my freshly laundered navy top.

Fleeing the scene of the laundry crime.

BUSTED! Being told off for biting. She thinks it is merely justice for making her get off my lap. I know it is spite and sheer badness from a 9 lb dictator.

Fleeing that crime too.

If she keeps this up this year Santa will put a dog in her stocking.

Can You Fear Me Now?

My mom, at the age of 74, just got her first cell phone on Monday.

Me-I guess this means you'll be calling me a million times a day.
Mom- NO! Why would I do that?
Me-Because you can.
Mom- *evil giggle*

Kalki wrote a while back about things that make her feel like an adult. I asked my mom and she said using her new phone made her feel that way. I guess this means you are never too old to feel like a grown-up.

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday*-Deck the Halls with Sounds of Snoring

*Dammit! Missed Friday by 2 minutes!

Clearly Very Excited About the Holiday Season

Crush Kranki's Empty Head Tuesday + A Plug For a Cool Thing

I am thinking I should rename ‘Crush Your Cat’s Head Friday’ into ‘Crush Your Cat’s Head Whenever You Remember and Haven’t Fallen Asleep On The Couch Tuesday.’

Ahem…

So a few weeks ago the fabulous Leigh-Ann who runs The Blog Pound as well as Wee Paws sent me a cool little item that would make an excellent gift for the holidays. Or for anytime, really. It is called ‘Messages From Your Animal Companions’ and it is a oracle deck of cards based on getting into the complex minds of the animals you love. Basically what you do is think of a question for or ask for information about any animal you know, like your cat or your sister’s dog or even your neighbour’s python. We are not talking about the human animal types like ex-husbands or crazy first dates. You think about what you want to learn about the animal from this deck of cards and shuffle them up. You then pick a couple cards and see what they say.

The cool thing is this oracle deck is made up of cards that cover many thoughts and concerns an animal might have. There are cards for being sad, being scared, being happy, being sick and other variations. It is very well thought out and covers many scenarios.

The first time I used the deck I asked how Yoshi was feeling about the calendar and dressing up for it. The card I got was that she was feeling either under or over worked. Since I have been the one glued to my computer and running all over town as she sleeps the day away I decided to take the card as meaning she would like to do more Yoshi photo-shoots. The next question I asked was why Yoshi didn’t like Lulu my Almost Dog and the card that came up was ‘Conflict.’ Need I say more?

I then took the cards over to a friend's house (the one who adopted Lulu) and pulled some cards about her cat, Winston, the Catnip Thief. The first card that came up was ‘Ears’ and the spooky part is that his ears have been very infected over the last few days. So out of 55 cards the exact health issue bothering the cat was chosen. Cool, huh? One of the cards picked for Lulu was something about her feeling safe and cared for which made me all veklempt. And Xiola, well, her card said she liked things just the way they were which pretty much sums up Xiola; she is a happy and content doggy.

I few days later I did a little session about Yoshi and the cards didn’t make any sense at all. Perhaps my ‘vibe’ was off or I didn’t ask the right question. Or Yoshi was playing with my mind.

So, while I wouldn’t advocate using these cards to diagnose health issues instead of visiting your vet they are quite fun in a light-hearted way. Overall the results were eerily bang-on.

Leigh-Ann sells these cards to raise funds for her animal rescue. You know how I feel about getting money to the poor beasties so if you need a gift for an animal owner and lover these would make an original and interesting choice.

So thanks, Leigh-Ann, for passing this cool deck of cards my way. Perhaps, over time, I can slowly unravel the enigma that is Yoshi and finally begin to understand what makes that little cat tick.

Yoshi Being Overworked and Underpaid

There is so much I could post about. Usually I am frantically shuffling through my brain to try to find something glamorous or even slightly interesting in my boring day to day life to relay to you. However there has been a fairly decent amount of mildly interesting stuff going on. Not glamorous but not heinously dull either.

I could rant about the absolutely appalling customer service situation I recently found myself in but things are not quite resolved and I can feel a story of high drama possibly in the making so I’ll save that for when things pan out-either in a fizzle or in a bang. Only time will tell.

I could also tell you all about my parents celebrating their 50^th wedding anniversary last Friday. It was also my mom’s birthday and my sister-in-law and I cooked a Mexican themed dinner for the family. It worked out pretty good. Since my dad is still not able to get around on his healing-but-still-not-strong broken hip we are planning a fabulous summer garden party in 2008. I can guarantee there will be some outrageous photos from that. We are doing a theme and that is all I am going to tell you about it now.

What I am going to post about today is about actually experiencing huge moment in my life that I have pictured happening over a million times in my brain but like most epic life experiences didn’t exactly turn out like I hoped. Not extra bad or extra good but just different.

At the end of October I went to see my boyfriend, Henry Rollins, at one of his spoken word performances. I don’t think I’ve missed one of these in over 10 years. I’ve been a big fan of his for a long time and I have consistently found spooky and odd little coincidences in many of his shows.

I risk sounding like a psychopathic stalker but there have been so many similarities in rant topics, words and phrases and even books read or music listened to between us it is always interesting to go to his show and see what ‘thing’ we happen to have in common this year. For instance he’ll talk about some obscure band he recently hung out with and I will have just heard that same band out of the blue the week before. Stuff like that. Stuff that ultimately means nothing but that I stubbornly and intentionally misconstrue to mean that we are wildly compatible.

*gack*

Anyway, I have always wanted to meet him. I tell people I just want to shake his hand but in my sad, lonely, fantasy dreamscape what I really want to happen is to shake his hand and for him to gaze into my eyes and find me captivating, fascinating, infinitely intelligent and an all ‘round gorgeous gal (all this occurs to him in the split second our hands touch, mind you). We then fall into scintillating conversation where he finds my witty remarks and quirky outlook precious and endearing. I dazzle him with my insights and ironic life observances and we enter an exciting, fulfilling relationship where the fact he is tortured, on the road constantly, an aging rock icon and a US citizen and that I have no real job, constant panic attacks, a jiggly bum and freakishly scarred boobies only enhances our eerie sexual and intellectual connection.

TOTALLY deluded, I know but I never claimed to be logical. Or sane.

So here is what happened. In one of his newsletters or on his radio show he mentioned he would be very happy to meet with fans and sign autographs outside his tour bus at each venue. This announcement spun me into conflicting emotions-a desire to meet him and loathing the thought of anybody possibly mistaking me for a groupie. I decided to see how things looked after the show and decide then if I would be willing to debase myself to lurk around a rock-star’s bus to fulfill my dreams.

I waited outside the venue where his bus was conveniently parked with my sis-in-law for a few minutes freezing our asses off seeing if he would come out. Pretty soon a small crowd began to gather which consisted of a few very young street-punky looking teenage girls who were loudly talking about whether they would make it to the last bus running to their suburb. Then some young guys with posters, CDs and books to be signed started trickling over and my 38 year old fogey self bailed out and decided to leave. I was simply embarrassed to be there.

I walked to my parked car and found myself having to drive past the venue to get onto the main thoroughfare to get home and lo’ there he was, in the middle of a small crowd, in all his glory. AND lo’ there was a parking spot (the only one in this very busy area) which I quickly turned in to thinking, It is FATE! The universe really does work. I got out, fluffed my hair, gummed off any possible lipstick on my teeth and joined the group.

And I was obviously and very clearly the oldest one there. By a lot.

I also don’t ever think about getting an autograph so I had nothing for him to sign either.

After waiting for a few minutes I tapped him on the shoulder and stuck out my hand which he shook.

Me: Thank you for coming.
Him: Thank you for having me.

He looked at me in such a way I suddenly realized that he was possibly thinking I might be affiliated with the theatre and maybe was going to hand him a cheque or paperwork or something.

My mouth got very dry and with a grimace of excruciating shyness I blurted out something about how I enjoyed his radio show. He was very kind and talked about that for a few sentences and then somebody else tapped him on the shoulder and he turned away.

I walked to my car and drove home hardly believing it all happened.

He is much slighter than I thought he’d be. I am taller than he is. His hand was small in mine. I didn’t dazzle him. I didn’t stand out in any way. Our souls didn’t meld in a cosmic explosion of perfection. I’ll never cross his mind again.

It was still pretty cool.

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-Last of the November Sunshine

When I wake up in the morning it is often the result of Yoshi walking all over my head and poking me in the face. Before I even open my eyes I can guess whether the sun is shining based on the amount of attention Yoshi lavishes on me. The sunnier it is the more persistently she pokes and prods. After I give in to the pressure and get out of bed I walk over to my living room window, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, and raise the blinds. If it is bright and sunny out Yoshi will run across the room and leap onto the sill emitting this excited growling noise deep from her throat. Pure joy.

When I get up from my computer after the kettle has boiled to make my morning tea I more often than not return to find my seat taken.

Fabulous Yoshi Stuff - AKA-Pimpin' My Cat

Hey everybody! Time is running out on the Yoshi Calendars. Canada Post's suggested deadline to get items to you by Christmas is December 10th. Do you need a fun office gift? Short on stocking stuffers? How about a hostess gift when you do your Holiday Party rounds?

AND! Introducing Yoshi Christmas Cards

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-Oooops!

Um...yeah...about last Friday where I totally left you hanging without the weekly crush? My brain skipped a synapses or twelve and I totally forgot. I got all ferked up with the last crush being posted on Monday and I suddenly realized this weekend that I had forgotten.

Sorry.

And then my grand plans once again went awry. You remember how Yoshi boogered up my wonderful idea to video her freaking out over the fabulous catnip toy Leigh-Ann sent her. And then she loved up the baggie the toy came in. Well, I went over to my friend's house to see how her cat, Winston, would react to the nip. I wanted to video his joyful plunge into a catnip buzz to end all buzzes. I hoped that I would catch his writhing and moaning self for all to see.

Except the little shit snuck into my purse and stole the toy when my back was turned.

So no, I have no actual proof but I think we can all agree that the catnip toy was a huge success.

Keep an eye out at Wee Paws for 'From the Field' catnip products.

Grand Theft Catnip

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-Monday Edition

Feeling much better thanks! And to make it up to you for my lack of Friday posting I offer you a video. The lovely Leigh-Ann from The Blog Pound and Wee Paws Animal Sanctuary sent Yoshi a wonderful catnip toy for her to try out and give feedback on. Things didn't go quite as planned.

Who am I kidding? Yoshi pulls this shit all the time.

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-*drool*

Postponed due to superfabulousfeeln'goodwannalaydown migraine meds. Will crush Yoshi once spinning stops.

Weeeeeee!