Actual Recent Conversation

This is why I love my friend Pablo so much.

While talking on the phone about death, just now.

Me: "I want to be cremated. But I totally don't want to be scattered in the ocean because I am a little scared of the ocean and all the fish and stuff. I don't want to be scattered in the forest either because I don't like bugs and the cold and all that outdoorsy stuff. Maybe I should be scattered in Holt Renfrew...Nah! I can't afford to shop there. I think the place I'd be most comfortable resting eternally is in a couch. So I have to find somebody who will scatter my ashes in their nice comfy couch. Or their mattress. Something cozy."

Pablo: "What about me? What should I do with my remains?"

Me: "Hey! I thought we agreed that I was supposed to throw myself on your casket at your funeral. Wearing a fabulous dress."

Pablo: "Yes, but then are you going to just leave me there to rot?"

Me: "No! What do you want me to do next?"

Pablo: "No wait! I know the perfect place to scatter your ashes. How about a cat cemetery?"

Me: "Perfect! That would be seriously purrrrfect!"

Pablo: "No wait, I totally know what I am going to do with you after you die. I'm going to have you taxidermied! I'll have you sitting on my couch with a cup of tea in a motorized hand. And your head will turn too. And when I have guests they will whisper to me that you are very quiet and I will say, 'Yes, she is.'"

Me: "Put a hinge on my head and store your spare change and keys there. Better yet, put a slit in my neck as a kleenex dispenser for when you are sad or have a cold."

Pablo: "How about I cryogenically freeze your head and then attach it to a garden nymph statue so you can play in the garden and weed it too."

Me: "NO WAIT! Attach my head to a Roomba and I'll vacuum your place for you. Maybe I'll do that with my mom. She likes to clean."

Pablo: "You're sick!"

Me: "NOW I'm sick?"

We finally decided that he will get me made into a diamond and I will have his body mummified and make a pyramid for him in Egypt to be worshipped for eternity.

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-A Tip For Obama

Dear President Obama

I know you have a big job ahead of you involving all sorts of mess and chaos. I sorta know what you are facing as I have a cat and a new kitten who simply cannot get along. The kitten is impulsive, out of control, lacking in subtlety and restraint, and defiant. Not at all dissimilar to many people you will have to interact with in the near future. I contrast the first born cat is grumpy, unforgiving, completely lacking in humor and inflexible. Also eerily alike various individuals you will shortly be spending time with.

My cats do not get along under any circumstances...except when one very special ingredient is added to the interaction. This addition is so exceptional and potent that it makes even the most curmudgeonly cat soften. So transforming and influential it makes even the very insanest kitten focus.

I thought that this magical element might help you with your very challenging ambitions.

What I want to share with you is the power of....TUNA!

No hissing. No claws. No blood. Just a common love of the fish.

Well...until the little shit gets too close to her side of the plate.


In case you haven't got the news through the newsletter or my recent Twitter the 2009 Iconic Women By Yoshi Calendar is now available for sale. Same price as last year-$18.95

Check it out!

www.urbanbeast.ca

A Cornucopia of Feline Delight

A Cute Photo To Reduce Your Ire

Ok, I am sorry I haven't posted. Very very VERY sorry. But after I spill my brain onto this blog about what has happened over the last month you may regret your recent inquiries into my, Yoshi's and Dexter's well being.

We all all good.

Now that I got that out of the way I'll get into a little more detail.

I've been heinously busy. Partly because I am a terrible procrastinator, partly because I am a good citizen and partly because I need to pay the bills. Against all promises I made to myself, my graphic designer, my family and my friends I once again left the creation of the 2009 Iconic Women By Yoshi Calendar to the last minute. What can I say? I work better under pressure. Just not this much pressure. So it is almost done and will be sent to the printer by next week. I'll be opening up Urbanbeast.ca for pre-sales next week as well so you can order the very first copies right away for immediate delivery.

With the addition of Dexter into the mix photographing Yoshi has been a little more difficult. It involves taking Dexter over to my parent's house so Yoshi won't have a grand mal hissy. While more time consuming it has worked out even better as Yoshi loves the one-on-one time and is posing better than ever.

She is so totally and completely hilarious and adorable and I could nom nom nom her to death.

Now about Dexter. He is the cutest, most loving, friendly, happy-go-lucky kitten ON THE PLANET. Without out a doubt everybody who meets him is charmed and smitten instantly. Saying that he is also horribly bad, intentionally annoying, a less than enthusiastic listener, completely lacking in boundaries and manners, clearly not very bright, a terrible farter, and alarmingly destructive.

Yoshi totally hates him.

Her initial curiosity and interest in Dexter was replaced with loathing when he grew bigger and started jumping on her when she was sleeping, looking the other way, eating, trying to poop and minding her own business in general.*

*See above mention of lack of manners and boundaries.

So my day is filled with hissing, growling, spitting, and heartfelt smack-downs. Entirely and totally on Yoshi's part because Dexter just thinks it is all fun and more fun. Did I mention he really is not very bright?

I can say with certainty that I understand why my parents used to get so frustrated when my brother and I bickered because I now experience daily (333333333 TBGE3333333333334 -Dexter intruding on this post) the equivalent of a little boy persistently picking on his older sister. Yoshi has a look that clearly conveys, "MOoooooOOOM! He's looking at me again!"

I am exhausted. I've also taken to yelling, "Simmer DOWN! You guys!"

The futility.

Despite Yoshi's hatred she is actually really happy in general. She is resigned to Dexter's presence and, I think, not as bored as she was. Kind of like the curmudgeonly old lady yelling at the neighbourhood children to get of her lawn. Bitter but fully occupied. I expect that once Dexter grows up and loses his kitteny assholiness they will just sleep the day away in each other's company like boring old cats do.

Random Dexter von Cheddar Stats:
3 1/2 months old
5lbs 11 oz
Meows a lot
Slightly cross-eyed
Eats anything
Drools when purring

Nicknames:

• The Ched
• Ched Head
• Sir Stink-a-lot
• D von C
• NoooooDEXTERNOOOOOO!
• Duuuuude-don't wreck my shit.
• Little One
• Grandmaster Dork

As for me I've suddenly become a little more employed. I've started working a few nights per week as the Theatre Liaison of the 110 person capacity theatre that is located in my apartment building. It works out great since if I feel a little panicky or overwhelmed I can excuse myself for 5 minutes chill-out time in my own apartment with my own kitties. I just make sure that whoever is renting the facilities are treating them with respect and are out of there on time. Sweet little gig, actually.

I'm also now part of my building's Resident Council (sorta like a co-op but different) and have taken a very pro-active approach to dealing with various issues with residents and the building itself. This is totally a volunteer situation and waaaay more work that I anticipated. But good work because being pro-active and solving problems makes me a happier camper overall. I'm also on a committee that is organising and participating in a 3 day Christmas Gala fundraiser for our building (to help subsidize rents) involving an art market and cabaret-style entertainment. I am ALSO treasurer for that which is something I've never done before and am a little nervous about. I continue to be an on-call emergency person in my building one week out of every month as well as work a couple hours per week for my dad.

Yikes, right? Busy but that scattered kind of busy.

So until the calendar is finished and all the surrounding press and products (cards and magnets) are completed I am not going to be posting as much as I'd like. Because my Theatre Liaison position is nights and weekends I am trying to borrow an old laptop so on my down time (when the productions are actually going on) I can maybe write a post or two but, in general, expect me to be scarce until the New Year.

Thanks for checking in and being so patient.

And now here are more Dexter photos and video than you can watch in one sitting.

My Own Personal Sistine Chapel

The Snoozen Housen Usurper Laughs Maniacally At His Sneakiness

'Tocks

Faceplant au Cheddar

Savouring The Deeeeelicious Full Footed Bouquet

Taken Just Now

The Odd Couple

Terribly sorry about the long delay in a kitteh update. As it normally does this time of year things have become very hectic. I am working on the upcoming 2009 Iconic Women By Yoshi Calendar as well as setting up a new business and doing lots of volunteering.

Dexter is still cute. Very cute. He is also still exceptionally smelly. The vet says he is fine and often kittens do not have the best digestive systems at young ages so I’ve been experimenting with different foods and might have found some that are less rank gas producing than others. I might publish a research paper: Feline Colon Inexperience and Greenhouse Gasses-Nature's Balance Between Cute and Killer

I’ve never met a cat who is so frickin’ hungry every second of the day. Dexter wails for food every couple hours and eats like a jackal. There is no nom nom nom but snarl snorf gasp choke hack lick lick sniff sniff root freak-out FEEEED MEEEEEEE AGAIN! He gained ¾ of a pound this week. When I eat he tries to climb all over me. One night he caught me unawares and literally jumped from the back of the couch right onto my full plate. Yoshi has always been a very delicate eater and nibbles on her food through the day. Dexter treats food like air and inhales it like he is suffocating. Dork.

Yoshi is doing much better. MUCH better. She is eating just fine and seems to be adjusting pretty well. I can’t say she likes Dexter but she isn’t about to throw herself off the balcony. I’ve never had a pair of cats so I’m not really sure what to expect. Dexter clearly LOVES Yoshi. Yoshi clearly HATES Dexter. But not always. Or maybe I should say not always with the same intensity of loathing as other times. I’m thinking I might develop a scale of Yoshi hate levels, similar to the Richter Scale, to apply to various interactions. I shall call it the Hisser Scale.

So there tends to be two types of interaction between Dex and Yoshi:

• Dexter acting cute and submissive and lurking around Yoshi which she tolerates and then only hisses and growls at him when he gets too close or tries to touch her.

• Dexter acting like a complete ass and jumping at, stalking, harassing, chasing, sneaking up on and blindsiding Yoshi which she hates. This is when she hisses, spits and swats at him.

Honestly both are totally hilarious and make me laugh. Occasionally I take pity on Yoshi and squirt Dex with my ever handy spray bottle. And even less commonly squirt Yoshi if she is beating him up too much.

The thing that I am not sure about and gives me hope that one day they will really love and appreciate the other is that Dexter still tries to suck up and doesn’t seem to take the beatings seriously and Yoshi, while putting on a show of hating his ass, quite often seems to make an effort to be near him. Especially when he is playing. She seems fascinated by him interacting with his toys. We’ve had a few evenings where Yoshi, while hissing and growling, has run around and played along side Dexter. Sorta play with him without actually playing WITH him.

Sometimes I start feeling bad that Poor Yoshi is so annoyed by the kitten all the time but then she’ll quite often plonk herself down on her back RIGHT NEXT TO HIM! As soon as he shows interest in her she’ll freak but not always move away from him. The only way I can explain it is that it seems like she likes to hate him. So they run around beating the crap (Yoshi) out of or jumping (Dexter) on each other. It sounds scary but instead of running away or leaping out of reach they both stay very close and settle down and then hang out near each other.

What does this mean? I know that things would be less hissy and spitty if only Dexter would chill the fuck out and learn to respect boundaries but being a kitten and all he loses his fool mind and takes unnecessary risks like attacking Yoshi’s tail or standing right outside her litter box staring at her when she is pooping. Thankfully Yoshi is a good multi-tasker and can freak out while making a deposit quite easily.

I have video I am working on but my new digital camera uses a file extension not compatible with my lame-o Windows Movie Maker program. Yet, I feel that a documentary format is best for this footage so you all will have to be patient with me.

So I consider, overall, that things are good. Yes, it could be better like cute snuggling and such but knowing Yoshi I think that will take some serious time. Also I think it will help when Dexter matures and isn’t so spastic around her. A vet friend of Twisted Uterus, Dr. Cheryl, suggested Feliway, a calming cat pheromone, which I got and hope will help. It takes time to kick in so my weekly “buddy” test is seeing if they will eat tuna next to each other. So far Yoshi won’t but I’ll try again next week.

Here is actual photographic proof that Yoshi is indeed alive and well and not kitten chow.

Stalking The Rock Star

Calm Tolerance

Sucking Up

About To Incite A Riot Through A Brief Touch

Yep! Adios Pain In The Ass!

One Of Those 'Life' Posts Filled With Questions That Have No Answers And Lots Of ' Marks

Do you ever find yourself in the same difficult and perplexing situations over and over again? You start to wonder if the universe is trying to teach you something or it is some heinous personal defect since the only constant element in all these situations is you.

Or in this case, me.

My particular situation is that am finding it increasingly difficult to be in the company of people.

I have a couple things going against me. First of all I have terrible social anxiety complicated by some pretty weird phobias. Any social situation is pretty agonizing on most levels. Secondly I am very sensitive to the emotions of others and so called ‘vibes’. Just very aware of the undercurrents of most interactions. Some therapists think this is why I have such bad anxiety. It is like I am lacking some sort of protective life filter.

That is another consideration as well. I’ve had a lot of therapy. A LOT. Some really bad but mostly good. I’ve learned a great deal about myself and the various limits and problems I deal with daily and as a result I am also able to recognize various psychological ‘issues’ (pronounced ithews) in others.

Let me give you an example. I have some family members who bicker a lot at family gatherings. You know, insults with smiling faces. They would also talk poorly about other family members behind their backs. When I first started seeing these people socially I would become seriously depressed for a day or two afterwards. On a couple occasions I was even teary. It got to the point where I would decline invitations to be social with them. With a couple therapy sessions I came to realize that bickering is the way some families show affection. Certainly not how I am comfortable with showing affection but each to their own, right? And I also learned that I could very subtly and politely show that I was not accepting of the negative talk about other family members. It totally worked and I am now able to be social with these people again.

The fact is that I was not raised to be assertive at all. I was raised to be ‘good’ and we all know that being ‘good’ often means being a doormat. For years I have not stood up for myself when being treated poorly and have swallowed all the emotions that go along with that. No wonder I have depression and anxiety, right? It is only in the last few years that I have stood up for myself and become pretty open about how I am feeling and, especially, how I want to be treated. As when anybody learns a new skill it is not always performed perfectly but overall I am happy with these changes. I’ve learned that not only am I a pretty quirky outspoken person with people I know and trust but in fact a leader in many respects opposed to the follower I always thought I was.

But here is the thing; I still am not sure how to deal with people who hold back from me. I’ve had a few friends/family members/acquaintances who I could sense were annoyed, displeased, or outright angry with me and for whatever reason couldn’t tell me so. I trust my gut that I am right about this and can probably guess what I had said or done to make them feel this way. Usually it is that I have an opinion that differs from theirs or have done something that they disagree with. And fair enough. I am happy to say that I am ok with all this and am totally happy to be disagreed with. I can safely be sure that I’ve not done or said anything out of malice or anger. Or it might simply be a misunderstanding. But they won’t tell me. They just start treating me differently. Sometimes it is just a feeling and sometimes it is outright passive aggressive behavior. In any case I just don’t know how to talk to somebody who cannot tell me what is wrong. And I hate being afraid to be myself and have my opinions and own ideas when I think they clearly are uncomfortable with that.

A few years back I had a very good friend who I met at work. We totally hit it off and became very close very quickly. We had a blast hanging out and were very similar in many ways. I totally trusted her and really felt like she had my back. After a couple years she seemed to be having some problems at work. I tried very hard to be supportive but found it very hard to know how to do that. So I just tried to listen and agree with her feelings. A few months went by and her behavior towards me started to change. I’d ask her if everything was ok and she’d say it was just work. But I knew it wasn’t. Unfortunately she decided to bring up everything that had been bothering her about me while we were on vacation together. Stuff that had happened over a year or two in the past and unto itself not a big deal but over time it had festered within her until it became so overwhelming she damned near lost her freaking mind. Her behavior scared me and after she brought up personal stuff I’d trusted her with and thought she accepted me for (mostly about the limits of my anxiety disorder) and then threw it in my face I knew I couldn’t save the friendship and I’ve never spoken to her since.

I hate that it got so out of hand. I really missed her but ironically not as much as I thought I would as I didn’t realize until I was out of the friendship how much I had to tippy-toe around her ‘stuff’. It was somewhat a relief in many ways to have her out of my life.

So what do you do when you just wish your friends/family/aquaintances would come out and say what they are feeling? How do you deal when you feel like you can’t be straight with them or else they will disengage or ‘punish’ you in some way?

Is this a common situation with friends and acquaintances or am I just some crazy lady? Is being up-front, honest with how I am feeling, and willing to talk about how we can agree to disagree maybe not a good thing?

Being with people is hard.

Twisty and Kranki Do Vancouver

A few exciting firsts occurred on Sunday which made for a very special day.

First of all I met my very first fellow blogger for reals. I connected with Twisted Uterus who is in town for a vet conference. It was a fantastic surreal experience and very cool to meet her in person. She is a bubbly and enthusiastic lady and we hit it off right away chatting up a storm that didn’t abate the whole day.

I met her in her hotel lobby at 11 am and she graced me with a wonderful TU original pottery piece which I was honoured to receive. We walked through downtown to the beach where we hopped on a water ferry to Granville Island to do some mooching around.

Cherished Giftie

It was quite crowded but very festive with all the colourful produce and other goodies. Twisty took photo after photo which turned out beautifully (check out her Flickr set and you’ll see for yourself) and we checked out the other buildings which house local artists and crafts people. We tried on funky glasses (who wouldn’t allow us to take photos) (we both found frames we liked but didn’t buy. Hers=$375 and mine were $457!) and hats and browsed handmade paper and fabrics. We then checked out the local art college which I attended several years ago. We looked at tonnes of pottery and even a groovy glass studio. I had a nice chat with a young lady whose father has a hand-made shoe studio. I used to work at a shoe store where he made all the prototypes so I was familiar with his work. We gossiped about the olden days. Well what she knew of them as she was only 3 years old at the time the olden days were happening. I saw a dream pair of clogs which are made specially to your foot measurements for only $475. Clearly, I gotta get on winning that lottery.

Checking out the weird ass tomatoes.

The Cookie Hunter

Urban Hippy Political Correctness

Waiting for the yacht valet to bring 'round our ocean chariot.

TU and I decided that instead of eating out we would get some yummy stuff for dinner at the market and eat at my place. I had some homemade tomato pasta sauce in my fridge (thankyoujesus!) so TU got the yummy fresh pasta and prawns and I got the salad stuff and cheese. We split dessert with cookies and cinnamon bun bread.

The old house where I used to live is right by the water ferry so on the way back we stopped by for a quick visit to meet up with my human friends and Lulu, Xiola and Winston The Cat. Twisty got a poochy fix and had a cuddle with Lulu who showed us all that once again she is a super sweet dog. She and Xiola showed off by playing and wrestling complete with scary fake growling and tug-o-war.

Some rainy day Lulu Lovin'.

Covered in dog hair we checked out a very cool social housing project featuring restored Victorian houses complete with running brook and goldfish pond. Next door is the Dr. Peter Aids Centre and Hospice which prompted a lively discussion about healthcare and how important it is.

I got to scope out her hotel room which was very shmancy. While there I checked out some of her photos as well. She has a gorgeous coffee-table book/album made up with her work which totally inspired me. We also talked about dating/guys and are on the same page on that. Picky, picky, picky…

Finally we made it to my place and just in the nick of time as we were both starving and pooped out from all the walking. We cooked up a delicious dinner and scarfed it all down leaving nothing on our plates. This is where the second first-of-the-day came into play. I’ve lived at my place for 15 months and this was the first time I’ve used one of my rear burners on my stove thus illustrating to TU (and now you) that I am not much of a dinner party thrower and normally lead a Kraft Dinner sort of existence.

Yoshi surprised me by being rather friendly and show-offy right away. She tried to mooch food from Twisty and was quite bad in cute ways zooming around and playing with her playzen tuben. She was so social that TU did a risky thing and tried to pick her up. Yoshi let her do it (the third first-of-the-day) but then the vibe changed and the typical Yoshi bitchiness reared its ugly head. Of course we laughed all the harder for her attitude and picked on her even more.

That cat is about as cuddly as a cactus on fire.

Perhaps some hissing for you this evening?

Asshole Cat Extreme Close-up

I drove her back to her hotel about 10 pm after a really fantastic day. I feel like I’ve made a real friend and I hope I will get to hang out with her again. TU is a talented and fun chick. I had the best time and I hope she had fun too. Thanks for the great day, Twisty!

Who Needs Fiction When You Have This Kind of Life.

Things have been very busy around the Kranki Krash Pad. I’ve done things, seen things and traveled to far away places this week. Get all cozy under your covers and I’ll tell you a bedtime story or several.

I consider myself a very mild mannered person. I don’t yell, I don’t hit and I certainly don’t freak the fuck out. If I find myself in a bad situation I try to rise above it all and emerge unscathed and well established on the higher road. Until last week.

So I was in this suburban mall parking lot.

I know! Most of you are all, “Yeah! I know where this is going!” and you are probably right. I had backed out of my parking spot and was just cranking the wheel over to go forward and out of the lot when this woman in a van pulls up to my front bumper. Reeeeaaaaally close. I drive a full sized early 90’s 4-door Jetta so this isn’t some tiny car that zips around tight spaces. I need a little room to move. So there I am backed up so my rear bumper is right up to a parked car behind me and I need that room in front to turn my car so I can go forward and straighten out to drive out etc… But right up to my front bumper is this van. And she continues to let her van roll even closer to me so I am basically trapped. She immediately starts cussing me out and waving her hands around. I reply with an incredulous look combined with the showing palms gesture of exasperation. She then starts to REALLY spaz out and scream at me. Clearly I cannot got very far because at this point she is about 6 inches from my front bumper. I just don’t understand why she cannot see she has gotten us into this predicament and needs to back up herself to give me some turning room. And it was not like I backed out right in front of her as I was totally clear to back up and she was actually stopped farther down the row with her turn signal on to go into a different spot. I guess she changed her mind and would have had plenty of time to see me pull out before approaching.

So I get stubborn and just sit there for a few seconds with my arms crossed.

The woman is literally shaking her head around and yelling, “GO! GO! GO!”

Sadly I cannot because she is blocking meeeeeeeee.

Then I just snapped and for the very first time in my very vanilla life I retaliated. I looked her square in the eye and mouthed very clearly, “FUCK YOU BITCH!” And the funniest part was she looked at me like I was the potty mouth evil hag after she had been cussing me out the whole time already. I guess I must have looked livid.

When I told this story to a friend she couldn’t believe I had done it. This is very unlike me.

I then cranked the wheel over and inched back and forth within the foot of space I had to maneuver and finally was able to get around her. I laughed the whole time and I know she could see that too.

I have to admit it felt really good to do that. My inner ‘feist’ is coming out in surprising ways.

Then on Friday I dog-sat my two girls, Xiola and Lulu for the whole day. I took them to the dog beach where they can run around off leash and play with loads of other dogs and jump in the ocean if they want. We came back to my place and I gave them both a bath and then we went for another walk to the park where I planned to brush them thereby giving all the wee birdies and animals clumps of fur to add to their nests and totally keeping my apartment a fur free zone. I sat on the grass and not long after this woman just walked up to me with her two Chihuahuas and sat right down next to me.

Oh! OK!

So we started talking and it became evident that she might be a little mentally disabled which explained her lack of personal space boundaries with complete strangers. We had a nice chat and I brushed her dogs too (all 5 lbs of them) in the sunshine. It was obvious she very much loved her dogs and when I asked questions she almost entirely answered me as if the dogs were speaking themselves.

Me: So what are your dogs’ names?

Lady: (baby voice) My name is Romeo and even though I am very little I think I am very big and I get into fights with large dogs and bark a lot to show them I mean business.

Me: Oh…um…what is your other dog’s name?

Lady: (higher pitched baby voice) My name is Juliette and I am the boss. Romeo thinks he is the boss but I let him think that way but I am really the boss and I sit in my mommy’s lap and never ever ever ever let her get up.

Me: Hehe… um…Well, Romeo and Juliette, you are both very cute.

Lady: (singsong voice) We knooooooowwww!

It was while sitting with Romeo and Juliette’s mom that I saw something I have never seen before and I hope I never see again. This woman and her small son were walking along a nearby path and she was shouting at him about something. The kid, I think about 5 years old, wasn’t saying anything or whining that I could hear but this woman going on and on about how he was not listening and bugging her and such. When they got about 30 feet from me she stopped and her voice got louder and louder and she suddenly spit on her child. Yes. SPIT ON HER OWN SMALL CHILD. It was all I could do not to say something but I had a large dog with me and I wasn’t sure how Xiola would react if this lady freaked out on me and did something stupid. She seemed really nuts. Poor little kid is going to be Hannibal Lecter when he grows up.

Then yesterday my mom and I ventured into the deepest and darkest of suburbs to visit the Holy Grail of shopping destinations. Yes, we FINALLY have gotten an H & M clothing store. I have seen them in other cities for years and years and I just couldn’t figure out why Vancouver didn’t have one yet. We have all the big designer stores and other big names but no H & M. Well we have one now in a nearby town and a downtown Vancouver one will be opening up in Spring 2008.

Sadly I cannot rave too much about it as the store was so packed with back to school teenagers and moms with kids and strollers you literally couldn’t move. There was a huge line-up to try stuff on and everything was so picked over. I’ll go back once school starts and let you know how fabulous it is.

And an update- Yoshi is now talking to me again as I bought her a nice big playzen tuben that she LOVES! I am the cool food lady now (with a 5 foot cat tunnel in the middle of her living room) and all is well.

Mad Props for my Bloggies. WORD!

A couple weeks ago I was nominated as an inspirational blogger by Hit and Run. She is a fellow cancerous chick who totally held it together as a single mom with two young girls while undergoing chemo, radiation and surgeries for breast cancer. Well, the feeling is definitely mutual. Anybody who can keep it going with kids, let alone while feeling like ass on a grand scale, has nothing but my admiration and respect. HAR totally rocks. Fact is all the blogs I follow inspire me in some way. I wouldn’t read them if they didn’t resonate on some level. What some bloggers may not know is that I usually lurk. I actually only comment on very few of the blogs I visit on a daily basis. I can assure you, if you have visited me I’ve been by your blog several times at least if not everyday. I might not comment because, quite honestly, I am quite shy.

Here are a few blogs I find inspirational for one reason or another. You might find them interesting as well.

Random and Odd-Kristine and I have something in common. We both have anxiety disorders that affect and limit our lives in some way or another. She inspires me because she not only keeps her sense of humour about it all but is able to convey very eloquently what it is like to navigate a busy life under these circumstances. She has a huge (and gorgeous) family that she takes care of and I simply don’t know how she does it. It would be an understatement to say it cannot be easy.

The Blog Pound-Leigh-Ann lives in Las Vegas with her partner Flippy. A fellow Canadian, she runs a home based animal rescue operation where she predominately takes in orphaned kittens and ill animals. She bottle feeds and nurses these poor pookers back to health without any significant outside financial help. She and Flippy pay out of pocket to spay and neuter animals they find as well. The time and effort she spends on her fur babies is very inspirational. She is continually researching and investigating the best food for her charges and recently has started making all her own dog and cat food from scratch. I can assure you there are dogs and cats out there that wouldn’t have made it without the exceptional care and love from Leigh-Ann.

WTFsanjo-I cannot remember how I found Katie but she is also a fellow breast cancer babe. She is also only 28 years old. Her sense of humour about the vile stuff she has had to go through is mind-blowingly inspirational. She has also proudly posted photos of her recent mastectomy and reconstruction. Something I have thought about doing a lot but always chickened out on.

Lost in a World Awhirl-Alan always knows just the right thing to say in the comment section. He is cheerful, uplifting and inspirational. He works his ass off, cooks, cleans, does laundry, and treats his wife like gold as well as gets up to all sorts of stuff with his kids and grandkids. This guy lives a very full life and he always reminds me to enjoy the little things.

Electric Boogaloo-Tiffany can write about her boys, Nicolaus and Graham like nobody else. Descriptive and irreverent, she makes their every quirk fascinating and hilarious. Even when they are being bad they are funny and cute and adorable. She is also an awesome artist and photographer. I cannot wait until she puts up a new post so I can laugh over what has been going on at her house. You may know her as the former owner of Mos the Harbil Starving Dag.

Subversive Cross-Stitch-Julie mailed me a cross-stitch pattern and I’ve been hooked since. This new hobby is one of the few things that really relaxes me so I am eternally grateful. She also has a cat, Boone, who could be Yoshi’s twin brother. She inspires me to be creative and craft fun stuff. She also rocks as she is maintaining a successful business through her creative crafting. Awesome!

What Was I Thinking-most of you know Susie and her wonderful blog. This chick always writes so beautifully about funny life things or serious life things or scary life things. Such talent! She always knows just what to say and I respect that greatly. Lately she has been dealing with WTF and still is able to keep up her blog writing poignant and emotional posts. She is one brave and excellent lady.

KLOG-Kalki is another gal who can write a hilarious description of a recent Target visit and then the very next day describe in heart-breaking detail the rich and fulfilling relationship she has with her husband. For a gal so young she really gets it. Such an old soul. And, like me, she makes up with caternal instinct what she lacks in maternal urges.

I could go on and on about so many blogs I love but I’ll keep it from getting unruly around here. So ladies and gents-thanks for the inspiration.

I have never done this before but I would love for you all to de-lurk and tell me what/what inspires you.

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-More of the Pride Princesses

I got some more pics of my Doggy Princesses from last weekend's Pride Parade. Behold their lacy pink cuteness.

Xiola showing off. Quite the diva.

Seriously, could she be any cuter?

Me and my special girl, Lulu.

I just want to squeeeeeeeeeze them.

Better Than Cross Dressing, I Guess.

I have just finished a cross-stitching marathon lasting a full 7 hours. I cannot quite believe this but the clock tells me it is true.

I was recently turned on to cross-stitch by Julie at www.subversivecrossstitch.com and haven’t stopped since. And then to add to the madness I bought a cross-stitch pattern program online where I can make my own patterns as well. Frankly, I cannot be stopped.

Family and friends may as well know now that they will be getting some sort of cross-stitch item for their birthday, Christmas, or any holiday that involves gift giving. Partly because we all know how much people love to receive home-made gifts that take hours and hours and HOURS to create but look so very unsubstantial and moderately hokey. *ahem* But also because I can only put so many of my own projects on my walls without looking a little nuts.

I truly wish I could fall in love with exercise or dieting as much as I do these little craft projects. Hell, I’d even take cooking or cleaning marathons instead of just sitting on the couch with a rainbow vomit pile of floss (that is the very technical term for thread in cross-stitch vocab) on my lap as my eyes bug out of my head in the dying light while I morph little X’s into cute sayings and tiny hearts. But no. I always get addicted to the very sedentary hobbies like reading, TV, cross-stitch, sewing and eating enough chocolate to slip into a diabetic coma.

I’ve been Twittering about the dog costumes I have been making for my special girls to wear on Gay Pride Parade Day. They were so cute and I got lots of compliments on my work. Not nearly as many, “Obviously you have far too much time on your hands!” comments as I expected. What can I say? It is true, I do have lots of extra time but since most of the people who said that to me spend most of their spare time sucking on a bong I didn’t feel like my quirky productivity was being truly maligned.

What I didn’t tell everybody was how much I got into making those dresses for the dogs. I spent approximately 8-10 hours on each of them. I drafted the patterns by hand and finished all the seams. There was beading and lace and grommets to put in for the ribbon. I love those dogs so much I almost felt like I was making Easter frocks for my kids. It was a little embarrassing.

But no more.

So I shout it to the world. I love crafting! It is my intention one day to have a Craft Headquarters where I will set up my sewing machine permanently. I will make outfits for your dogs, reconfigure your grandma's muumuu into fabulous car seat covers and design a special teapot cozy that exactly matches your kitchen colour scheme. I will make my own gifts and I will give them away without guilt even though I know you would rather an iPod or a sweater. It is in my blood and I cannot deny the throbbing call to the remnant bin at the fabric store. You may call me The Craft Mistress! And yes, I am cross-stitching that right now.

The Craft Mistress With Her Little Princesses

Memories of Summers Past-Well, Last Monday Anyway.

Friend: I really love your purse.

Me: Thanks! I just got it. It is a vegan purse.

Friend's Boyfriend: What? It is made out of vegans?

8 Random Things - A Meme

HAR tagged me for a meme asking that I present 8 Random Things you might not know about me. Or don't really care about. In turn I am supposed to pick another 8 bloggers to do the meme and so on and so on...

I pick YOU! If you want to do this meme then please do. And let me know so I can come by your blog and poke fun at all your idiosyncrasies (as I know I am going to be harassed for mine).

8 Random Things About Me

-I fold my underwear. Panties, bras, everything.

-I like complete sets of things. For instance if I break a glass or two I will pack up the rest for the second hand store and get a brand new set. I do not like to mix and match unless it is intentional.

-Before you start thinking I am an anal freak-show I also rarely make my bed. Only if I am having visitors.

-I almost always eat out of a pasta bowl. I don’t necessarily mix all my food together in one but often have a few pasta bowls going at a meal. I think this is because I found it was easier and less messy to eat out of a bowl on the couch in front of the TV and even though I have a dining table now the habit is hard to break. Also maybe because I eat a lot of pasta.

-I hate waiting. I hate being early but I also do not like being late. I will wait in my car in the parking lot before I’d wait in the waiting room of a doc’s office. I like to walk in about 3-5 minutes early for an appointment. This is because of my anxiety issues.

-I have not eaten in a restaurant for over 2 ½ years. This is also because of my anxiety problem. I have only eaten take-out/delivery food once in the last 7 months. This is because of a New Years resolution I made to stop wasting money on food I could make more healthily at home. The one time I slipped it was for a favourite vegetarian take-out place I used to love. They had changed the menu and it sucked. What a waste of money.

-I hate Starbucks. I think fancy coffee is overrated, too expensive and all the paper cups thrown away an insult to the environment. It has been years since I’ve had a fancy coffee type drink. I do have a couple Starbucks mugs as gifts from other people. I also used to have a Starbucks Card as it was necessary for my job (film people are addicted to Starbucks) to buy my “turn” of coffee for my co-workers. If I ever do get a coffee/tea/hot chocolate I try to go to a locally owned coffee place and bring my own cup.

-I have a serious sweet tooth. Even though I eat very healthily I am a bit overweight as I must have something chocolaty everyday. I try and try to find a way to make my chocolate fix healthy but I still feel guilty about it and like a slave to my addiction. Saying that, I guess as habits go it isn’t too terrible. I don’t drink alcohol, do drugs or smoke. I don’t like fast cars, fast men OR fast women. I don’t own a thousand pairs of shoes or have a diamond ankle bracelet collection. But still…I wish I could get over the chocolate.

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-Meltdown

Well, talk about technical difficulties...isn't there a pill for that? Oh, never mind.

Mrtl made a great new logo for Crush Your Cat's Head Friday but I cannot get it to work animation-wise on Blogger. It just shows up as an image. So please go here to see what was supposed to be posted here on Friday.

Thanks, mrtl, for your evil genius. Thanks, Blogger, for your buttheadedness. And thanks to anybody who can troubleshoot this animated gif issue for me.

All Sick and Twisted Roads Lead To My Blog

Once again I have compiled a tremendous list of how various people have found their way to my blog. One could argue that a blog stat counter might just provide information better left unknown. I say knowledge is power and, in this case, pretty fucking bizarre.

Here is a list of searches terms that resulted in a visit to this site;

-gay hermit

-ladies peeing while running London marathon

-Yorkie haircuts

-why is my poop long and skinny

-cross dressers in hair rollers

-homemade catshit

-fembot nipples

-asshole burning by dominatrix

-love it when she moans

-penis crushing video

-getting fucked in slut boots ripping assholes

-I am completely alienated how can I fix the world

-long johns fever

-cute constipated girls

-sexy farting women

-pussy cancer

-butch haircut suck

-crush pet hard

-shiny boobs

-bad Barney

-head in pussy

-good looking old guys

-Persian cat revenge

-new hooties

-how do I stop my toilet from running besides jiggling the handle

-I'd like to have an elephant for Christmas

-medical ass injection films

-older brothers tittie twisting their younger brothers

-pictures of possum poo

-melon fuckers

-acidophilus pill in your ass

-tittie twisting bras

-dishwasher making loud moaning sound

Really, human beings freak me out. In a good way.

Memories of Summers Past

Scene:

Kranki and Pablo are sitting in the car stuck in traffic. AC/DC comes on the radio and both proceed to rock out. There is head banging, devil's horn hand signals, lip-syncing, dashboard piano and air-drums.

Pablo: You know, I'll have to surrender my faggot membership card for this.