Life in the Slow Lane

Life in the Slow Lane

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Actual Recent Conversation

This is why I love my friend Pablo so much.

While talking on the phone about death, just now.

Me: "I want to be cremated. But I totally don't want to be scattered in the ocean because I am a little scared of the ocean and all the fish and stuff. I don't want to be scattered in the forest either because I don't like bugs and the cold and all that outdoorsy stuff. Maybe I should be scattered in Holt Renfrew...Nah! I can't afford to shop there. I think the place I'd be most comfortable resting eternally is in a couch. So I have to find somebody who will scatter my ashes in their nice comfy couch. Or their mattress. Something cozy."

Pablo: "What about me? What should I do with my remains?"

Me: "Hey! I thought we agreed that I was supposed to throw myself on your casket at your funeral. Wearing a fabulous dress."

Pablo: "Yes, but then are you going to just leave me there to rot?"

Me: "No! What do you want me to do next?"

Pablo: "No wait! I know the perfect place to scatter your ashes. How about a cat cemetery?"

Me: "Perfect! That would be seriously purrrrfect!"

Pablo: "No wait, I totally know what I am going to do with you after you die. I'm going to have you taxidermied! I'll have you sitting on my couch with a cup of tea in a motorized hand. And your head will turn too. And when I have guests they will whisper to me that you are very quiet and I will say, 'Yes, she is.'"

Me: "Put a hinge on my head and store your spare change and keys there. Better yet, put a slit in my neck as a kleenex dispenser for when you are sad or have a cold."

Pablo: "How about I cryogenically freeze your head and then attach it to a garden nymph statue so you can play in the garden and weed it too."

Me: "NO WAIT! Attach my head to a Roomba and I'll vacuum your place for you. Maybe I'll do that with my mom. She likes to clean."

Pablo: "You're sick!"

Me: "NOW I'm sick?"

We finally decided that he will get me made into a diamond and I will have his body mummified and make a pyramid for him in Egypt to be worshipped for eternity.

22 comments:

Ern said...

Now that's a convo that can only take place between dear friends. :)

Squirl said...

I don't see anything strange in that conversation at all. You guys should hang out with my clan. You'd fit right in.

here today, gone tomorrow said...

Oh, I wish I'd been there.

Susie said...

Yay for insane friendship :) Lovin' the Roomba...

Maia said...

Real life conversations are the best. Far funnier than fictional ones.

JP said...

It's like the last episode of Scrubs where JD thought Turk would stuff him and put him next to the stuffed dog in the living room.

Calamity Jen said...

Love it! It's not easy to capture the zaniest of conversations, but you've done it.

east village idiot said...

Morbid discussions usually end in good humor...as they should!

kalki said...

Happy Birthday to Yoshi! (I saw it on my awesome calendar.) :)

Anonymous said...

ISN'T TODAY--MARCH 24TH--YOSHI'S BIRTHDAY? NO POST? NO PARTY? NO PICTURES?

Julie said...

That diamond thing is so wrong. Good lord.

alan said...

No, you aren't sick...yet!

As long as the ashes aren't ending up in someone's dinner you haven't "crossed the line" yet!

Nice to find you here again! I've missed you much!

alan

eclectic said...

Heh!

kranki said...

Hmmm, I thought I was the only Kranki in cyberland. Hi there.

HAR said...

I love the tissue idea

Dennis Pyritz, RN said...

Great Blog! I have added you to my blogroll - Cancer Blog Links at www.beingcancer.net
Take care, Dennis

Calamity Jen said...

Where aaaaaarrrrrre yooooooooou?

HAR said...

phmerc1@aol.com

That's me on facebook.let me know it's you.

Dennis Pyritz, RN said...

Open invitation to you and your readers to participate in the Being Cancer Book Club. This month we are discussing “The Last Lecture” by Randy Pausch. “...the lecture he gave ... was about the importance of overcoming obstacles, of enabling the dreams of others, of seizing every moment (because “time is all you have…and you may find one day that you have less than you think”). It was a summation of everything Randy had come to believe. It was about living.”
Monday is Book Club day; Tuesday Guest Blog and Friday Cancer News Roundup.
Also check out Cancer Blog Links containing almost 200 blog links and Cancer Resources with 230 referenced sites, both divided into disease categories.
Please accept this invitation to join our growing cancer blogging community at www.beingcancer.net
Take care, Dennis

waitress said...

i had a buddy named Pablo, I would be much cooler, hopfully! Love it!! Keep it coming.

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