Life in the Slow Lane

Life in the Slow Lane

Friday, August 31, 2007

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-MY HEAD is in Jeopardy Today

I’ve never claimed to be a patient person but right at this moment I am losing my fucking mind. So much so that Yoshi is in danger of a head crushing for reals. After my own head explodes.

Ok, here is the thing.

I went to sign-in to my Flickr account today and was immediately diverted to a Yahoo sign-in page. Ok, whatever. I know all about how these sites buy each other out so I did what they told me and signed into my Yahoo! account. It then took me to a page where it asked if I wanted to start up a new Flickr account or associate my old one with my Yahoo! account. Well, obviously, yes, I would very much like to merge the two accounts opposed to starting up a new one. So it asked me to provide my Flickr account ID and password to do that.

This is where it gets very ugly.

I have all my log-ins and passwords saved per Windows XP’s auto-prompt security feature so I haven’t actually had to physically type in my Flickr info since I started the account a few years ago. But for some reason when prompted this time to log into Flickr my computer didn’t automatically fill in my info. I had to do it manually.

No biggie because to keep things simple I use the same email address and password for pretty much everything frivolous like this. I know this is supposedly dangerous but I figure if anybody wants to hack into my Flickr account and mess with my Yoshi costume pics they can do it. It would probably crack me up more than annoy me.

So I entered my info and Flickr told me that it was wrong.

This is slightly possible as it has been a couple years since I had to type in this info myself and I might have done something different password-wise that long ago in a fit of originality. Yet I am about 95% sure I’ve got the right password. Sadly I am just not very original that often.

Well, it gives you the option to click on that dreaded “Lost Your Password?” link where you have to answer a bitch million questions to retrieve your info. So I did that and it gave me my info. Except it is the ID and password to my Yahoo! account and not my Flickr one.


I tried it anyway to see if they had automatically merged my two accounts together and they now both had the same password but they don’t. It doesn’t work. I still get prompted to enter my original Flickr password etc. WHICH ALSO DOES NOT WORK!!! Because it is apparently wrooooooooonnnnggggg!

I have now entered a cyclic hell of internet password angst. I cannot access my Flickr page anymore and I cannot seem to find the right path to get that crucial info retrieved.

Can somebody heeeeeeellpp meeeee and get my frickin’ blood pressure down? I’ll bake you cookies!

Yoshi's New Favourite Sleeping Position:

Hiding Head From Potential Crushing

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Who Needs Fiction When You Have This Kind of Life.

Things have been very busy around the Kranki Krash Pad. I’ve done things, seen things and traveled to far away places this week. Get all cozy under your covers and I’ll tell you a bedtime story or several.

I consider myself a very mild mannered person. I don’t yell, I don’t hit and I certainly don’t freak the fuck out. If I find myself in a bad situation I try to rise above it all and emerge unscathed and well established on the higher road. Until last week.

So I was in this suburban mall parking lot.

I know! Most of you are all, “Yeah! I know where this is going!” and you are probably right. I had backed out of my parking spot and was just cranking the wheel over to go forward and out of the lot when this woman in a van pulls up to my front bumper. Reeeeaaaaally close. I drive a full sized early 90’s 4-door Jetta so this isn’t some tiny car that zips around tight spaces. I need a little room to move. So there I am backed up so my rear bumper is right up to a parked car behind me and I need that room in front to turn my car so I can go forward and straighten out to drive out etc… But right up to my front bumper is this van. And she continues to let her van roll even closer to me so I am basically trapped. She immediately starts cussing me out and waving her hands around. I reply with an incredulous look combined with the showing palms gesture of exasperation. She then starts to REALLY spaz out and scream at me. Clearly I cannot got very far because at this point she is about 6 inches from my front bumper. I just don’t understand why she cannot see she has gotten us into this predicament and needs to back up herself to give me some turning room. And it was not like I backed out right in front of her as I was totally clear to back up and she was actually stopped farther down the row with her turn signal on to go into a different spot. I guess she changed her mind and would have had plenty of time to see me pull out before approaching.

So I get stubborn and just sit there for a few seconds with my arms crossed.

The woman is literally shaking her head around and yelling, “GO! GO! GO!”

Sadly I cannot because she is blocking meeeeeeeee.

Then I just snapped and for the very first time in my very vanilla life I retaliated. I looked her square in the eye and mouthed very clearly, “FUCK YOU BITCH!” And the funniest part was she looked at me like I was the potty mouth evil hag after she had been cussing me out the whole time already. I guess I must have looked livid.

When I told this story to a friend she couldn’t believe I had done it. This is very unlike me.

I then cranked the wheel over and inched back and forth within the foot of space I had to maneuver and finally was able to get around her. I laughed the whole time and I know she could see that too.

I have to admit it felt really good to do that. My inner ‘feist’ is coming out in surprising ways.

Then on Friday I dog-sat my two girls, Xiola and Lulu for the whole day. I took them to the dog beach where they can run around off leash and play with loads of other dogs and jump in the ocean if they want. We came back to my place and I gave them both a bath and then we went for another walk to the park where I planned to brush them thereby giving all the wee birdies and animals clumps of fur to add to their nests and totally keeping my apartment a fur free zone. I sat on the grass and not long after this woman just walked up to me with her two Chihuahuas and sat right down next to me.

Oh! OK!

So we started talking and it became evident that she might be a little mentally disabled which explained her lack of personal space boundaries with complete strangers. We had a nice chat and I brushed her dogs too (all 5 lbs of them) in the sunshine. It was obvious she very much loved her dogs and when I asked questions she almost entirely answered me as if the dogs were speaking themselves.

Me: So what are your dogs’ names?

Lady: (baby voice) My name is Romeo and even though I am very little I think I am very big and I get into fights with large dogs and bark a lot to show them I mean business.

Me: Oh…um…what is your other dog’s name?

Lady: (higher pitched baby voice) My name is Juliette and I am the boss. Romeo thinks he is the boss but I let him think that way but I am really the boss and I sit in my mommy’s lap and never ever ever ever let her get up.

Me: Hehe… um…Well, Romeo and Juliette, you are both very cute.

Lady: (singsong voice) We knooooooowwww!

It was while sitting with Romeo and Juliette’s mom that I saw something I have never seen before and I hope I never see again. This woman and her small son were walking along a nearby path and she was shouting at him about something. The kid, I think about 5 years old, wasn’t saying anything or whining that I could hear but this woman going on and on about how he was not listening and bugging her and such. When they got about 30 feet from me she stopped and her voice got louder and louder and she suddenly spit on her child. Yes. SPIT ON HER OWN SMALL CHILD. It was all I could do not to say something but I had a large dog with me and I wasn’t sure how Xiola would react if this lady freaked out on me and did something stupid. She seemed really nuts. Poor little kid is going to be Hannibal Lecter when he grows up.

Then yesterday my mom and I ventured into the deepest and darkest of suburbs to visit the Holy Grail of shopping destinations. Yes, we FINALLY have gotten an H & M clothing store. I have seen them in other cities for years and years and I just couldn’t figure out why Vancouver didn’t have one yet. We have all the big designer stores and other big names but no H & M. Well we have one now in a nearby town and a downtown Vancouver one will be opening up in Spring 2008.

Sadly I cannot rave too much about it as the store was so packed with back to school teenagers and moms with kids and strollers you literally couldn’t move. There was a huge line-up to try stuff on and everything was so picked over. I’ll go back once school starts and let you know how fabulous it is.

And an update- Yoshi is now talking to me again as I bought her a nice big playzen tuben that she LOVES! I am the cool food lady now (with a 5 foot cat tunnel in the middle of her living room) and all is well.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-On Strike

Yoshi here again. I refuse to come out from under the bed (except to post this important notice) because my stooopid Food Hag brought over two ugly and dumb dogs for the whole frickin' day! My dinner was 3 hours late and my mom is covered in dog fur. She also smells.

So I am boycotting a photograph today and will only consider posing over the weekend if the following demands are met:

-1 (one) can of tuna served in 2 (two) installments for my dinner.
-uninterrupted use of the lap.
-my litter box scooped every hour on the hour.
-scratching of my chin combined with light bum spankings on demand.
-unrestricted access to all hair clips and elastics.
-undying devotion of all mortals.

Only if all my demands are met will I attend a photo shoot. If any of these conditions are not met in a timely manner I will penalize My Slave by pooping in her shoe.

Your co-operation is greatly appreciated.

However, I still hate you.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Mad Props for my Bloggies. WORD!

A couple weeks ago I was nominated as an inspirational blogger by Hit and Run. She is a fellow cancerous chick who totally held it together as a single mom with two young girls while undergoing chemo, radiation and surgeries for breast cancer. Well, the feeling is definitely mutual. Anybody who can keep it going with kids, let alone while feeling like ass on a grand scale, has nothing but my admiration and respect. HAR totally rocks. Fact is all the blogs I follow inspire me in some way. I wouldn’t read them if they didn’t resonate on some level. What some bloggers may not know is that I usually lurk. I actually only comment on very few of the blogs I visit on a daily basis. I can assure you, if you have visited me I’ve been by your blog several times at least if not everyday. I might not comment because, quite honestly, I am quite shy.

Here are a few blogs I find inspirational for one reason or another. You might find them interesting as well.

Random and Odd-Kristine and I have something in common. We both have anxiety disorders that affect and limit our lives in some way or another. She inspires me because she not only keeps her sense of humour about it all but is able to convey very eloquently what it is like to navigate a busy life under these circumstances. She has a huge (and gorgeous) family that she takes care of and I simply don’t know how she does it. It would be an understatement to say it cannot be easy.

The Blog Pound-Leigh-Ann lives in Las Vegas with her partner Flippy. A fellow Canadian, she runs a home based animal rescue operation where she predominately takes in orphaned kittens and ill animals. She bottle feeds and nurses these poor pookers back to health without any significant outside financial help. She and Flippy pay out of pocket to spay and neuter animals they find as well. The time and effort she spends on her fur babies is very inspirational. She is continually researching and investigating the best food for her charges and recently has started making all her own dog and cat food from scratch. I can assure you there are dogs and cats out there that wouldn’t have made it without the exceptional care and love from Leigh-Ann.

WTFsanjo-I cannot remember how I found Katie but she is also a fellow breast cancer babe. She is also only 28 years old. Her sense of humour about the vile stuff she has had to go through is mind-blowingly inspirational. She has also proudly posted photos of her recent mastectomy and reconstruction. Something I have thought about doing a lot but always chickened out on.

Lost in a World Awhirl-Alan always knows just the right thing to say in the comment section. He is cheerful, uplifting and inspirational. He works his ass off, cooks, cleans, does laundry, and treats his wife like gold as well as gets up to all sorts of stuff with his kids and grandkids. This guy lives a very full life and he always reminds me to enjoy the little things.

Electric Boogaloo-Tiffany can write about her boys, Nicolaus and Graham like nobody else. Descriptive and irreverent, she makes their every quirk fascinating and hilarious. Even when they are being bad they are funny and cute and adorable. She is also an awesome artist and photographer. I cannot wait until she puts up a new post so I can laugh over what has been going on at her house. You may know her as the former owner of Mos the Harbil Starving Dag.

Subversive Cross-Stitch-Julie mailed me a cross-stitch pattern and I’ve been hooked since. This new hobby is one of the few things that really relaxes me so I am eternally grateful. She also has a cat, Boone, who could be Yoshi’s twin brother. She inspires me to be creative and craft fun stuff. She also rocks as she is maintaining a successful business through her creative crafting. Awesome!

What Was I Thinking-most of you know Susie and her wonderful blog. This chick always writes so beautifully about funny life things or serious life things or scary life things. Such talent! She always knows just what to say and I respect that greatly. Lately she has been dealing with WTF and still is able to keep up her blog writing poignant and emotional posts. She is one brave and excellent lady.

KLOG-Kalki is another gal who can write a hilarious description of a recent Target visit and then the very next day describe in heart-breaking detail the rich and fulfilling relationship she has with her husband. For a gal so young she really gets it. Such an old soul. And, like me, she makes up with caternal instinct what she lacks in maternal urges.

I could go on and on about so many blogs I love but I’ll keep it from getting unruly around here. So ladies and gents-thanks for the inspiration.

I have never done this before but I would love for you all to de-lurk and tell me what/what inspires you.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-Yo in the House

Hi! Yoshi here!

Well, my mom, The Food Lady, has been hard to shift off the couch lately. Something about several ‘The Office’ DVDs needing to be watched. I have to really bitch and moan to get dinner around here and it is totally starting to piss me off. I am waiting patiently for her to leave the closet door open so I can make my displeasure known. *clenches butt*

The Food Lady blogged about some sort of 8 Random Things topic recently. I think she called it a Meme. Well, since Fat Ass, um, I mean Food Lady is soooo buuuusy laughing at the large flickering cube I am going to do my own post today.

Yoshi’s “8 Things You Don’t Know About Me” Meowmeow

  1. I’ve been told that I have very expressive ears. When you live with such daily incompetence The Food Whore is lucky it is only my ears that are expressive, if ya know what I mean? *delicately flexes claws in menacing manner*

Most common messages conveyed by my ears include:

-Displeasure-immense, moderate, fluctuating, overwhelming, piffling, acute and urgent.

-Annoyance-complete, partial, general, specific, varied, sporadic and glaring.

-Disbelief-towards human stupidity, dog stupidity, and universal stupidity. Stupidos!

-Disgust-full repulsion to vague distaste.

-Dismissal-IE: If ears could kill you’d be greasy cremains right now!


-Contempt-malignant and seething.


  1. I have an old war injury. Nam? Heard of it? Well, actually I was born with it. I have a little hitch to my step. My right rear leg doesn’t quite step properly. It certainly doesn’t slow me down, though. Running right in front of my mom while she is carrying hot tea is still my passion.

  1. Once I was chased up a tree by a couple of mean old dogs. When I found a perch to rest on about 15 feet up I realized that just on the other side of the trunk a raccoon was having a nap. My mom climbed up a tall ladder that was held by a couple grey haired men so it wouldn’t fall into a pointy wrought iron fence and stood on the very top rung so she could reach me and pull me down. She was sure sweating a lot mumbling something about height phobias? Whatever. She took long enough. I was getting hungry. Sheesh!

  1. If my food is stale I will pester you. That will include meowing, licking and poking. My mom feeds me fresh food every night so I won’t bug her in the morning. Sometimes I mix it up and harass her anyway.

  1. I love pooping. When I do my 'bidnis I dig and dig and scratch and shift that litter until it is perfect and my mom's eyeballs are about shooting out of her head. Then when I am done I run like a motherfucker and race around the house with a big fluffy tail. Cuz’ I feel so free and unburdened. My mom calls it, “Fleeing the scene of the crime.”

  1. The Food Slut and I have a little routine we do. She puts her hand palm up on the couch and I walk over and sit on it. She thinks it is the cutest thing. I just like a warm tushie.

  1. When my mom blows a raspberry on my head I always lick my lips. It is like a yawn in church. Contagious.

  1. I only pretend to hate you.

This is me testing out the freshly vacuumed couch. It's my job. I take it seriously.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-More of the Pride Princesses

I got some more pics of my Doggy Princesses from last weekend's Pride Parade. Behold their lacy pink cuteness.

Xiola showing off. Quite the diva.

Seriously, could she be any cuter?

Me and my special girl, Lulu.

I just want to squeeeeeeeeeze them.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Better Than Cross Dressing, I Guess.

I have just finished a cross-stitching marathon lasting a full 7 hours. I cannot quite believe this but the clock tells me it is true.

I was recently turned on to cross-stitch by Julie at and haven’t stopped since. And then to add to the madness I bought a cross-stitch pattern program online where I can make my own patterns as well. Frankly, I cannot be stopped.

Family and friends may as well know now that they will be getting some sort of cross-stitch item for their birthday, Christmas, or any holiday that involves gift giving. Partly because we all know how much people love to receive home-made gifts that take hours and hours and HOURS to create but look so very unsubstantial and moderately hokey. *ahem* But also because I can only put so many of my own projects on my walls without looking a little nuts.

I truly wish I could fall in love with exercise or dieting as much as I do these little craft projects. Hell, I’d even take cooking or cleaning marathons instead of just sitting on the couch with a rainbow vomit pile of floss (that is the very technical term for thread in cross-stitch vocab) on my lap as my eyes bug out of my head in the dying light while I morph little X’s into cute sayings and tiny hearts. But no. I always get addicted to the very sedentary hobbies like reading, TV, cross-stitch, sewing and eating enough chocolate to slip into a diabetic coma.

I’ve been Twittering about the dog costumes I have been making for my special girls to wear on Gay Pride Parade Day. They were so cute and I got lots of compliments on my work. Not nearly as many, “Obviously you have far too much time on your hands!” comments as I expected. What can I say? It is true, I do have lots of extra time but since most of the people who said that to me spend most of their spare time sucking on a bong I didn’t feel like my quirky productivity was being truly maligned.

What I didn’t tell everybody was how much I got into making those dresses for the dogs. I spent approximately 8-10 hours on each of them. I drafted the patterns by hand and finished all the seams. There was beading and lace and grommets to put in for the ribbon. I love those dogs so much I almost felt like I was making Easter frocks for my kids. It was a little embarrassing.

But no more.

So I shout it to the world. I love crafting! It is my intention one day to have a Craft Headquarters where I will set up my sewing machine permanently. I will make outfits for your dogs, reconfigure your grandma's muumuu into fabulous car seat covers and design a special teapot cozy that exactly matches your kitchen colour scheme. I will make my own gifts and I will give them away without guilt even though I know you would rather an iPod or a sweater. It is in my blood and I cannot deny the throbbing call to the remnant bin at the fabric store. You may call me The Craft Mistress! And yes, I am cross-stitching that right now.

The Craft Mistress With Her Little Princesses

Friday, August 03, 2007

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-For HAR and Her Girls

I am busy this week making my doggy friends fancy new outfits for the Gay Pride weekend. In the spirit of keeping the insanity alive I've decided to post new photos of old costumes from Yoshi's past. You can see the original shots here. Many of you have seen this one before but some of you might not have and the new photos are better.

On that note everybody VOGUE! VOGUE!

I only eat Kabbala Brand Kitty Chow

*sniff sniff* Is that adoration I can smell?

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Memories of Summers Past-Well, Last Monday Anyway.

Friend: I really love your purse.

Me: Thanks! I just got it. It is a vegan purse.

Friend's Boyfriend: What? It is made out of vegans?