Life in the Slow Lane

Life in the Slow Lane

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Better Than Cross Dressing, I Guess.

I have just finished a cross-stitching marathon lasting a full 7 hours. I cannot quite believe this but the clock tells me it is true.

I was recently turned on to cross-stitch by Julie at and haven’t stopped since. And then to add to the madness I bought a cross-stitch pattern program online where I can make my own patterns as well. Frankly, I cannot be stopped.

Family and friends may as well know now that they will be getting some sort of cross-stitch item for their birthday, Christmas, or any holiday that involves gift giving. Partly because we all know how much people love to receive home-made gifts that take hours and hours and HOURS to create but look so very unsubstantial and moderately hokey. *ahem* But also because I can only put so many of my own projects on my walls without looking a little nuts.

I truly wish I could fall in love with exercise or dieting as much as I do these little craft projects. Hell, I’d even take cooking or cleaning marathons instead of just sitting on the couch with a rainbow vomit pile of floss (that is the very technical term for thread in cross-stitch vocab) on my lap as my eyes bug out of my head in the dying light while I morph little X’s into cute sayings and tiny hearts. But no. I always get addicted to the very sedentary hobbies like reading, TV, cross-stitch, sewing and eating enough chocolate to slip into a diabetic coma.

I’ve been Twittering about the dog costumes I have been making for my special girls to wear on Gay Pride Parade Day. They were so cute and I got lots of compliments on my work. Not nearly as many, “Obviously you have far too much time on your hands!” comments as I expected. What can I say? It is true, I do have lots of extra time but since most of the people who said that to me spend most of their spare time sucking on a bong I didn’t feel like my quirky productivity was being truly maligned.

What I didn’t tell everybody was how much I got into making those dresses for the dogs. I spent approximately 8-10 hours on each of them. I drafted the patterns by hand and finished all the seams. There was beading and lace and grommets to put in for the ribbon. I love those dogs so much I almost felt like I was making Easter frocks for my kids. It was a little embarrassing.

But no more.

So I shout it to the world. I love crafting! It is my intention one day to have a Craft Headquarters where I will set up my sewing machine permanently. I will make outfits for your dogs, reconfigure your grandma's muumuu into fabulous car seat covers and design a special teapot cozy that exactly matches your kitchen colour scheme. I will make my own gifts and I will give them away without guilt even though I know you would rather an iPod or a sweater. It is in my blood and I cannot deny the throbbing call to the remnant bin at the fabric store. You may call me The Craft Mistress! And yes, I am cross-stitching that right now.

The Craft Mistress With Her Little Princesses


Anonymous said...

great work!

why can't we just craft all day?


HAR said...

Is that a faux fur collar on that costume? They both look adorable. I have zero talent.
Went through a knitting stage and knit everyone scarves and slippers for Christmas. I was still knitting on Christmas Eve.

Let the bong suckers say what the want, their opinion is fried anyway..okay, I take it back.

Sharkey said...

Post some really good shots of those costume online, and before you know it the orders will be rolling in!

I envy your mad cross-stitching skillz. I've done it at various points, and I do like it. But please don't ask me how many projects I've finished.

eclectic said...

*sigh* I haven't a craft-y bone in my body... and I've always wished I could create something beautiful with my hands and some string... but I can't. Tell you what: you sew for me, and I'll climb rocks for you. Deal?

kalki said...

I suck at crafts. I tried knitting and it was a total flop. But I love the idea of crafts and so get insanely jealous of people who actually have the skills. So basically right now I both hate you and want to be you.

Also, those costumes freaking kick ass and I'd love to see some cross-stitch.

Ern said...

You should totally submit this post to the DIY (Do it Yourself) Network. I bet they'd give you your own show. Wouldn't that be cool? "Kranki the Craft Mistress"! I'm so tuning in.

here today, gone tomorrow said...

First, I, too, love cross-stitch. And knitting. And quilting. Fabric stores, um, make me very, very happy, shall we say?

You said in an earlier post that you were fat. You are not fat. You are adorable and lovely. Stop fibbing on your own blog!

As for the dogs and those bitchin' costumes? Craft away, o' Goddess of the Bobbins!

candy said...

i do not have the patience for cross stitching AT ALL. my mom has done it for years & is simply amazing at it, though. she made me an intricate, beaded, art-deco style angel a few years ago (framed, it's about 12" X 24") and a gorgeous wedding one too. she gave most of hers away as gifts, i think she may have kept only 2 over the years.

i have much respect for anyone who has the patience to do crafty stuff cuz i'm just not one of them.

soozie0722 said...

Do you make REALLY large outfits for big, manly dogs? I have a 81 lb. Malinois (sort of a "tough" breed...not so much my dog) who could really use a nice sweater ;-)

I'd pay you handsomely for the opportunity to embarrass I mean...keep him warm. Heh.

Rock on with your crafty self!

Kristine said...

OMG. I love the outfits. The dogs are dressed BETTER than me.

Alrighty, I'm holding you to the craft. I don't care what it is, as long as you make it. You can just cross stitch Von Kranki loves me most, and I'll be happy.

HOPE is my favorite word: hint hint.

*Hug* I miss you!

alan said...

So the next gorgeous gal working in wardrobe will be...



hemlock said...

My god (or is that my dog??) you have talent woman!!!

Those doggy frocks are amazing!