Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-Yo in the House

Hi! Yoshi here!

Well, my mom, The Food Lady, has been hard to shift off the couch lately. Something about several ‘The Office’ DVDs needing to be watched. I have to really bitch and moan to get dinner around here and it is totally starting to piss me off. I am waiting patiently for her to leave the closet door open so I can make my displeasure known. *clenches butt*

The Food Lady blogged about some sort of 8 Random Things topic recently. I think she called it a Meme. Well, since Fat Ass, um, I mean Food Lady is soooo buuuusy laughing at the large flickering cube I am going to do my own post today.

Yoshi’s “8 Things You Don’t Know About Me” Meowmeow

1. I’ve been told that I have very expressive ears. When you live with such daily incompetence The Food Whore is lucky it is only my ears that are expressive, if ya know what I mean? *delicately flexes claws in menacing manner*

Most common messages conveyed by my ears include:

-Displeasure-immense, moderate, fluctuating, overwhelming, piffling, acute and urgent.

-Annoyance-complete, partial, general, specific, varied, sporadic and glaring.

-Disbelief-towards human stupidity, dog stupidity, and universal stupidity. Stupidos!

-Disgust-full repulsion to vague distaste.

-Dismissal-IE: If ears could kill you’d be greasy cremains right now!

-Derision-ASS!

-Contempt-malignant and seething.

-Ambivalence-…

2. I have an old war injury. ‘Nam? Heard of it? Well, actually I was born with it. I have a little hitch to my step. My right rear leg doesn’t quite step properly. It certainly doesn’t slow me down, though. Running right in front of my mom while she is carrying hot tea is still my passion.

3. Once I was chased up a tree by a couple of mean old dogs. When I found a perch to rest on about 15 feet up I realized that just on the other side of the trunk a raccoon was having a nap. My mom climbed up a tall ladder that was held by a couple grey haired men so it wouldn’t fall into a pointy wrought iron fence and stood on the very top rung so she could reach me and pull me down. She was sure sweating a lot mumbling something about height phobias? Whatever. She took long enough. I was getting hungry. Sheesh!

4. If my food is stale I will pester you. That will include meowing, licking and poking. My mom feeds me fresh food every night so I won’t bug her in the morning. Sometimes I mix it up and harass her anyway.

5. I love pooping. When I do my 'bidnis I dig and dig and scratch and shift that litter until it is perfect and my mom's eyeballs are about shooting out of her head. Then when I am done I run like a motherfucker and race around the house with a big fluffy tail. Cuz’ I feel so free and unburdened. My mom calls it, “Fleeing the scene of the crime.”

6. The Food Slut and I have a little routine we do. She puts her hand palm up on the couch and I walk over and sit on it. She thinks it is the cutest thing. I just like a warm tushie.

7. When my mom blows a raspberry on my head I always lick my lips. It is like a yawn in church. Contagious.

8. I only pretend to hate you.

This is me testing out the freshly vacuumed couch. It's my job. I take it seriously.