Life in the Slow Lane

Life in the Slow Lane

Friday, July 28, 2006

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-Eat or Be Eaten

She almost turned herself inside-out with this one.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Hair Today

I have been nagged and nagged and NAGGED by a certain someone (ahem, Scotty, ahem) to post a photo of my hair. I have been reluctant to do so because I am not entirely happy with it. It looks ok but I wish it was loooong again. Impatience is totally a weakness of mine.

So here I am, with a somewhat goofy (blame the mirror) look on my face, but with hair on my head. Focus on the positive, Kranki! You've got hair! You may have no control over it but you've got hair!

And why not take photos without any make-up on and let's show complete strangers and internet friends how I look when I roll out of bed. Jeeez. Armpit photos and Smell-O-Vision of my feet to come...

Monday, July 24, 2006

Monday Meltdown

My slothitude continues. The heat has pushed up from the Deep South to melt our popsicles here in Western Canada. It is hot. Very hot. And since our parts are not privy to heat like this very often nobody has air conditioning. So such pursuits as shopping or eating out are not a guaranteed cool down as one might hope.

What have I been doing to beat the heat? I have been frolicking around my new apartment in my underwear.

I have no funny stories to tell or outings to gush about. Life is very mellow for me and that is just fine.

However, this makes for some very boring blogging to I am going into my fallback position of pilfering ideas from other blogs. Namely the Top 10 List of current obsessions going around right now.

Honestly, heat combined with general summertime apathy makes it hard for me to work up a lather to get obsessed about anything but I will try my best.

1.-The IKEA Catalogue-since moving I can’t seem to put the damned thing down. I even have a copy of the 2004 edition so I can see what has changed over the year. I have bookmarked my bookmarks and scrutinized those living room set ups for so long those Swedish names roll off my tongue like erotic poetry. IKEA is hott.

2.-Ginger Ale-what can I say? It is just damned yummy.

3.-Henry Rollins-his aging rock icon-ness is simply irresistible.

4.-Certain foods-this needs further explanation. I get on these food jags where I fall in love with some dish and then only eat it for days on end. These are not gourmet dishes but some weird thing that has torqued my taste buds for some strange reason. Usually I have a couple dishes going at one time so there is a little variation and as quickly as I am turned on by some food I am turned off only to cycle the food back in again in a few weeks when I re-fall in love with it.. Right now I am eating nothing but noodles in broth, baked potatoes, and cheese and soy slices on whole wheat with dijon mustard. Oh, and ginger ale. Some past obsessions have been pasta with soy meatballs, raisin bran, curried chickpeas, chocolate, Subway sandwiches and sushi.

5.-My new pillows- I bought brand spankin’ new pillows from IKEA and think they smell funny. Sort of like seaweed and farts.

6.-Yoshi on the balcony- she does this stretching thing that I call ‘The Noodle’. Well I am afraid she is going to Noodle herself right under the railings and Noodle off the balcony in a fit of Noodling. She can get pretty Noodley at times.

7.-Craigslist-even though people who use Craigslist are a strange bunch I can’t help looking at the furniture section SEVERAL times a day hoping that perfect Danish Modern teak dining room table will come up. It did once and I was scooped on it. WAH!

8.-Elephants-I love these guys and think they got a really raw deal with the whole ivory thing as well as those inane sparkly outfits they have to wear while dancing around in sawdust at the circus. No dignity. I just want them to all be able to frolic in the meadows.

9.-My hair-it isn’t growing very fast and I think it alternately looks very MOMMY or mullettesque. It always reminds me of what I went through. Cancer, the gift that keeps on giving.

10.-Hello Kitty and Wonder Woman-it is only my single status that prevents me from collecting these items in excess. Once I am married and my sanity is no longer under scrutiny I plan to surround myself in the minutiae of these two fabulous females.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Too Trrrrrd

I am still around but sooooo laaaaazzzyyyyyy...

I'll post soon, I promise.

Clearly, I caught it from Yoshi.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

TV Party Tonight

I like TV. I admit it. I watch it. I do. I even sit around watching reruns when I could be outside walking along The Seawall or going to the park. I am a little addicted. However, I have an idea that might eventually break me from the habit. I make it a policy not to start watching any new shows. I’ll watch new programs that are limited runs but no new series. As a result I don’t watch Lost, or Desperate Housewives, or any of the CSI’s. Eventually I hope that the programs I do watch will end and I will be free of my TV screen tether.

Summer is always a bit of a bummer for TV fanatics due to insidious reruns but occasionally a new show will pop up that is interesting. A couple have caught my eye and I find myself tuning in.

  1. Hell’s Kitchen with Gordon Ramsey-I know this isn’t the first season of this show but it is on mainstream channels now and not on one of those stations that cost extra money every month. Honestly, I don’t know why I watch this show. Reality TV does not appeal to me normally. I am not a foodie as I am vegetarian and a very cautious and picky eater. I don’t have a crush on “Chef” so sex appeal isn’t it. In fact this guy freaks out so bad and rages with such intensity at the contestants that I get nauseous. The show literally makes me sick and I swear every week I won’t expose myself to such negativity and yet each week I find myself watching. Maybe it is the visceral nature of the show that keeps me coming back. It certainly isn’t boring.
  1. #1 Single-This one is also a reality show (go figure) featuring singer/songwriter Lisa Loeb on a quest for a husband. Sounds stooooopid, right but, dammit, she is just so cute. We are the exact same age and our glasses are similar and I used to have the exact hair-do before it all fell out and when I was employed and thin I used to wear cute, sexy and funky clothes like she does. We even share a fondness for Hello Kitty. I can identify with her single status too. Mind you I am completely alienated by her talent but I like her songs so that is ok. So far I am loving this show. She is very honest about her desires for marriage and kids when so many 30-something women are demeaned for these feelings with derogatory names like ‘cougar’ etc. GO LISA!!!!

What are you watching this summer?

Monday, July 10, 2006

Life As I Know It

I am slowly getting used to a high rise existence and the trials and tribulations of living by The Fob. The building has good security and you need The Fob to open all the doors, get the elevator to take you to where you want to go, access the parkade and open the building’s garage door. Basically you can go nowhere without The Fob. Venture out without The Fob and you run the real possibility of getting trapped somewhere only for the cleaning crew to find your desiccated body dried into the fetal position in some forgotten back stairway. I feel like I have given birth and committed to a life long responsibility to never let this thing out of my sight. I find myself cradling this hunk of keys in my hand like a delicate egg. I never put my keys in my purse anymore because at any moment I will need to dig them out again to get The Fob. The obligation weighs heavily on me and I have nightmares of losing The Fob or (Sweet Jesus! The implications!!!) The Fob being stolen. I fear the rest of the tenants forming an angry mob (rabble, rabble, rabble) and witnessing them overrunning my hallway with torches and pitchforks through the vantage point of my peephole barricaded behind my fashionably painted door. Letting The Fob get into Unauthorized Hands is a crime against humanity it seems and doing so will force the property manager to put a pox upon your suite and you must wear a Scarlet F for the remainder of your lease.

I can only hope that Wonder Woman will protect it.

On the Hootie Front I have officially chosen my new boobs and they are on order and scheduled to be installed sometime in September. I went with a textured teardrop silicone type which the doc thinks will be the best option for me. Honestly I am quite tired of all this medical shizen and if the expanders were not such a weird shape (almost shelf like, in fact) I might just leave them in for a few years and be done with it all. I know it is best to just get it all over with but I am already dreading the surgery. It is only day surgery this time and I go home right away. The doc says it is a piece of cake so I’ll just believe him for now. This is easier than letting my brain do its own anxious thing.

I got a lovely surprise on Friday. I had a whole dozen cupcakes from Cupcakes delivered right to my door compliments of mrtl. She thought they might be good for wooing my neighbours but I only shared them with family. My next door neighbour is deaf-ish and I was scared she’d think they were all hers. And I am greedy. They all look so delicious I couldn’t decide which ones to give away. So I didn’t. THANKS MRTL!!!!!

Yeah. Give away these to total strangers?!?!? Um...NO!!!

Friday, July 07, 2006

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

The Move From Heaven/Hell

The move was a bit of a challenge but it is over now. Sort of. I knew I didn’t like moving but I had forgotten how much. And this was the easiest move yet. Sort of.

Highlights of The Move

-moving into a brand new apartment thereby avoiding that Fear Factor Moment you get when you walk into the new place and see how poorly the old tenants had cleaned. I have had no time period in which to feel like the Other People Ick has been fully cleaned and replaced with my own funk. I walked in and felt like it was my place.

-Yoshi loves the balcony and so do I. I have a fabulous view that only gets better at night time with all the lights. Well, maybe Yoshi doesn’t appreciate the sights like I do but she is having a great time eating the plants in my patio garden.

-in a concrete building I don’t hear my neighbours at all. This is so refreshing after being forced to listen to every gory detail of my neighbours’ lives over the last 6 years. I am not a voyeur. I don’t want to know.

-actually having a real kitchen with a real stove and oven and fridge and cupboards and everything. Did I mention I have a self cleaning oven? Oh yeah.

-being able to do laundry whenever and not have to wrestle with other people’s clothes when they leave them in the washer or dryer for days on end. My laundry machines. MINE!

-a spectacular collection of bruises all over my body from hauling stuff around. Really impressive stuff. Seriously.

-closets, closets and more closets.

-shopping at IKEA for new stuff.

Lowlights of The Move

-movers being 4 hours late. This being the first time I have ever used movers I did not know that movers are NEVER on time. If I had known that I would never have busted my ass to be ready on time. I could have slept in, dammit.

-no phone. Six days later and I still have no phone. The repair guy came and there is some sort of screw up with the wiring in the walls. It is possible I may never have a phone. I wonder how the landlords are going to figure that out. In the meantime I am cultivating a sweet little brain tumor from using my cell phone for everything.

-realizing that although my new place is bigger the layout is so vastly different (and by that I mean fucked up) from my old place none of my furniture fits and the room flow sucks and I cannot figure out where to put what. I want to go all Martha and have it like something out of Architectural Digest but I have to concede failure (for now) and settle for a mediocre dorm type room. Maybe I should just furnish the place with Kraft Dinner and be done with it.

-the crappiest shower head on the planet. I can pee stronger than that.

-Yoshi quickly christening the carpet with hurl after eating my patio plants.

-shopping at IKEA for new stuff.

I still have boxes to unpack and I still have to figure out how I can maximize my space vs. getting full usage of it as well. I have to go shopping some more at IKEA (the only affordable furniture place in town) but also try to keep my place from looking too IKEAish. In my old place the Victorian features kept things from getting that way. I don’t want to fall into the beige wall trap. You know what I mean.

So overall I really like my place but am still unhappy with the way things look. I have to remember it took me years to get my old place the way I liked it so I have to give this place some time too. So in the meantime I will be dragging my furniture around and looking through catalogues and measuring things.

Being busy making my house a home.

The View From My Balcony