Life in the Slow Lane

Life in the Slow Lane

Monday, July 10, 2006

Life As I Know It

I am slowly getting used to a high rise existence and the trials and tribulations of living by The Fob. The building has good security and you need The Fob to open all the doors, get the elevator to take you to where you want to go, access the parkade and open the building’s garage door. Basically you can go nowhere without The Fob. Venture out without The Fob and you run the real possibility of getting trapped somewhere only for the cleaning crew to find your desiccated body dried into the fetal position in some forgotten back stairway. I feel like I have given birth and committed to a life long responsibility to never let this thing out of my sight. I find myself cradling this hunk of keys in my hand like a delicate egg. I never put my keys in my purse anymore because at any moment I will need to dig them out again to get The Fob. The obligation weighs heavily on me and I have nightmares of losing The Fob or (Sweet Jesus! The implications!!!) The Fob being stolen. I fear the rest of the tenants forming an angry mob (rabble, rabble, rabble) and witnessing them overrunning my hallway with torches and pitchforks through the vantage point of my peephole barricaded behind my fashionably painted door. Letting The Fob get into Unauthorized Hands is a crime against humanity it seems and doing so will force the property manager to put a pox upon your suite and you must wear a Scarlet F for the remainder of your lease.

I can only hope that Wonder Woman will protect it.

On the Hootie Front I have officially chosen my new boobs and they are on order and scheduled to be installed sometime in September. I went with a textured teardrop silicone type which the doc thinks will be the best option for me. Honestly I am quite tired of all this medical shizen and if the expanders were not such a weird shape (almost shelf like, in fact) I might just leave them in for a few years and be done with it all. I know it is best to just get it all over with but I am already dreading the surgery. It is only day surgery this time and I go home right away. The doc says it is a piece of cake so I’ll just believe him for now. This is easier than letting my brain do its own anxious thing.

I got a lovely surprise on Friday. I had a whole dozen cupcakes from Cupcakes delivered right to my door compliments of mrtl. She thought they might be good for wooing my neighbours but I only shared them with family. My next door neighbour is deaf-ish and I was scared she’d think they were all hers. And I am greedy. They all look so delicious I couldn’t decide which ones to give away. So I didn’t. THANKS MRTL!!!!!

Yeah. Give away these to total strangers?!?!? Um...NO!!!


Closet Metro said...

boobs & cupcakes. yum yum yum.

Lazy Lightning said...

Ooo those look good.

My new place requires a key to get in to the building - I'm always afraid I'll run out to the dumpster and forget my key. I can't imagine the level of responsibility for which you're having to cope!

Anonymous said...

"medical shizen" = yiddish word of the day???

the cupcakes look divine and I wouldn't have shared either I'm thinkin'!

Karen said...

Lucky thing my son is safely in bed. If he saw that photo of your cupcakes the begging would be unbearable.

Sharkey said...

I'd be having nightmares about the fob too.

Glad you got the "installation" scheduled. One step closer to being finished with this whole process--hooray!

The cupcakes look awesome.

snaps79 said...

Great news about the new tits! Can't wait to.....see 'em? Uh...right.

Precisiongirl said...

Wow!! Those cupcakes look delish!

My friend at work has recently had similar surgery (due to her breasts being deformed since birth), and a few weeks later she is back at work doing fine, so I'm sure you'll sail through it Kranki.


JP said...

Make sure you always have either your cell or fob with you at all times. Then if you forget one or the other, you won't be totally trapped!!

Cupcakey Goodness.... (_8^(|)

Jeannette said...

Yum! I wouldn't share them either! What a treat!

You doc isn't lying. It is a piece of cake and you will rebound in no time at all. No drains, no fuss, no muss. In and out...or make that out and in. Surgery is still surgery and I dreaded it too, but I was surprised at how much easier it was. The hardest part is totally behind you. Hope they are everything you want them to be.

Squirl said...

I'm sure you'll get used to the Fob eventually. In the meantime I'd be nervous about it, too.

From the previous comments it sounds like the surgery will be a breeze. I bet they'll be beautiful.

And I'm sitting here waiting to go to dinner and those cupcakes look sooooo good! I wouldn't've shared them either.

kalki said...

I love everything about this post, from The Fob to (rabble, rabble, rabble) to the my next door neighbor is deaf-ish and I was scared she'd think they were all hers. In the world of blogs, dear, this one's a cupcake.

Also, with The Fob, there's no way to make a copy of one's key for one's lover. How unromantic.

whfropera said...

somehow i figured CM would be the first commenter when the post is about boobs.
1- I SO would have lost that damn thing by now.
2- i agree with kalki - the fob lacks a certain je ne sais quoi.
3 - mrtl, I am throwing down the gauntlet - just you wait until you see the treat I sent. ;) all in fun, don't flame me!

Twisteduterus said...

sounds like things are falling into plac for you...those are some mighty fine looking treats

Anonymous said...

you should talk to your doctor about implanting the Fob somehow, while he is in there - then you won't have to worry about losing it!

mrtl said...

mmmmmm... Didn't expect the cupcakes to look like the ones on the site, but they totally do.

whfropera... I do hope you're not attempting to send edibles from Michigan. I tried sending Kranki some fudge ages ago and it got held up in customs (didn't help I addressed it wrong and it came back to me anyway). Gauntlet? Nah - more goodies for Kranki is a beautiful thing!

eclectic said...

You've ordered your new hoots?? Awesome! And if I were a little closer, I'd invite myself over for one of those yummish looking cupcakes. That Mrtl's the bomb, isn't she?!