Life in the Slow Lane

Life in the Slow Lane

Friday, September 28, 2007

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-Flirting With Disaster

Extreme Chair Diving is for Pussies

Monday, September 24, 2007

A Karmic "Kick Me" Sign

I must have been real real bad in a previous life because the nasty stuff keeps coming my way.

So as you read in my last post the nasty peeper wanted to be my Facebook friend. I emailed him telling his that he was a “disgusting pervert peeping tom” and that under no circumstances would I ever want to be his friend-even through Facebook. I told him never to contact me again and I then blocked him.

It just wouldn’t have worked to accept his friendship request and then call him out that way as he could delete very easily anything I said about him.

I also don’t want to engage him in any way.

I’m working my ass off on the upcoming Yoshi Calendar and things are going slower than I hoped. I will start two months earlier next year. And to add to that time crunch starting Friday workmen will be coming into my little apartment to scrape the ceiling, patch the cracks and then re-texture. Did I mention my dining room table, set up with sewing machine and glue gun, is about 4 feet from where the work will be done? Crap! I have nowhere else to work while they are doing this so I will have to work around them somehow.

And then to add insult AND injury to this I had a wonderful little appointment with my doctor today. Thursday night my right eye felt sore and I noticed a bug bite sort of thing right near the corner of my eye. I put antibiotic ointment…

**MRTL Style Tangent-I love the word ointment. It is such a great combination of sounds. Say it to yourself a few times. Try some different accents. See what I mean? End of MTL Style Tangent**

..on it but it wasn’t getting any better. So off to the doc I went today and he took one look at it and told me what was wrong.

Eyelid herpes.

Yes, I have a cold sore on my eyelid.


Frantically, I told my doc that I practiced safe eye-socket sex (I put my whole head in a baggie for that) and he assured me that it is merely something I picked up from life. So every public door I opened, bank machine I used, grocery cart I pushed, second hand store I rummaged through (for props for the calendar), elevator button I touched, and piece of money I handled over the last few days flashed before my eyes and I got a little queasy. Then he told me I might have been infected years ago and only now having an outbreak.

I knew I was a germ-a-phobe for a reason, washing my hands several times a day and using that antibiotic stuff too. For NOTHING!!!! Dammit!

I have to be careful the infection doesn’t actually spread to my eyeball because that would be bad. *Big Sigh* Seriously, what did I do in a previous life to deserve this? I was probably one of those guys who didn’t wash their hands after peeing and then handled food or something. Or brought small pox to the natives.

At least it wasn't cancer.

I feel like a Petri dish. Please still be my friend.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-Dreary Day

There are no more sunshiny spots because of the rain and mom is busy and not paying attention to me and I am sad and cold and neeeeeedy. No amount of meowing around the house is changing anything.

Somebody is gonna pay...

Monday, September 17, 2007

Twisty and Kranki Do Vancouver

A few exciting firsts occurred on Sunday which made for a very special day.

First of all I met my very first fellow blogger for reals. I connected with Twisted Uterus who is in town for a vet conference. It was a fantastic surreal experience and very cool to meet her in person. She is a bubbly and enthusiastic lady and we hit it off right away chatting up a storm that didn’t abate the whole day.

I met her in her hotel lobby at 11 am and she graced me with a wonderful TU original pottery piece which I was honoured to receive. We walked through downtown to the beach where we hopped on a water ferry to Granville Island to do some mooching around.

Cherished Giftie

It was quite crowded but very festive with all the colourful produce and other goodies. Twisty took photo after photo which turned out beautifully (check out her Flickr set and you’ll see for yourself) and we checked out the other buildings which house local artists and crafts people. We tried on funky glasses (who wouldn’t allow us to take photos) (we both found frames we liked but didn’t buy. Hers=$375 and mine were $457!) and hats and browsed handmade paper and fabrics. We then checked out the local art college which I attended several years ago. We looked at tonnes of pottery and even a groovy glass studio. I had a nice chat with a young lady whose father has a hand-made shoe studio. I used to work at a shoe store where he made all the prototypes so I was familiar with his work. We gossiped about the olden days. Well what she knew of them as she was only 3 years old at the time the olden days were happening. I saw a dream pair of clogs which are made specially to your foot measurements for only $475. Clearly, I gotta get on winning that lottery.

Checking out the weird ass tomatoes.

The Cookie Hunter

Urban Hippy Political Correctness

Waiting for the yacht valet to bring 'round our ocean chariot.

TU and I decided that instead of eating out we would get some yummy stuff for dinner at the market and eat at my place. I had some homemade tomato pasta sauce in my fridge (thankyoujesus!) so TU got the yummy fresh pasta and prawns and I got the salad stuff and cheese. We split dessert with cookies and cinnamon bun bread.

The old house where I used to live is right by the water ferry so on the way back we stopped by for a quick visit to meet up with my human friends and Lulu, Xiola and Winston The Cat. Twisty got a poochy fix and had a cuddle with Lulu who showed us all that once again she is a super sweet dog. She and Xiola showed off by playing and wrestling complete with scary fake growling and tug-o-war.

Some rainy day Lulu Lovin'.

Covered in dog hair we checked out a very cool social housing project featuring restored Victorian houses complete with running brook and goldfish pond. Next door is the Dr. Peter Aids Centre and Hospice which prompted a lively discussion about healthcare and how important it is.

I got to scope out her hotel room which was very shmancy. While there I checked out some of her photos as well. She has a gorgeous coffee-table book/album made up with her work which totally inspired me. We also talked about dating/guys and are on the same page on that. Picky, picky, picky…

Finally we made it to my place and just in the nick of time as we were both starving and pooped out from all the walking. We cooked up a delicious dinner and scarfed it all down leaving nothing on our plates. This is where the second first-of-the-day came into play. I’ve lived at my place for 15 months and this was the first time I’ve used one of my rear burners on my stove thus illustrating to TU (and now you) that I am not much of a dinner party thrower and normally lead a Kraft Dinner sort of existence.

Yoshi surprised me by being rather friendly and show-offy right away. She tried to mooch food from Twisty and was quite bad in cute ways zooming around and playing with her playzen tuben. She was so social that TU did a risky thing and tried to pick her up. Yoshi let her do it (the third first-of-the-day) but then the vibe changed and the typical Yoshi bitchiness reared its ugly head. Of course we laughed all the harder for her attitude and picked on her even more.

That cat is about as cuddly as a cactus on fire.

Perhaps some hissing for you this evening?

Asshole Cat Extreme Close-up

I drove her back to her hotel about 10 pm after a really fantastic day. I feel like I’ve made a real friend and I hope I will get to hang out with her again. TU is a talented and fun chick. I had the best time and I hope she had fun too. Thanks for the great day, Twisty!

Friday, September 14, 2007

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-The Way It Is

In my last post’s comments section a few of you hoped that it might be possible to permanently integrate Lulu into The Kranki Krash Pad since Yoshi was much better with this visit.

Believe me, I was watching for all the signs this might happen.

Sadly, I know that Yoshi and Lulu are better off where they are right now. Lulu is far more confident and outgoing with her sister dog, Xiola. On her own she is nervous and prone to separation anxiety and follows me everywhere. She whimpers at the door when I am in the bathroom, for poop’s sake. She also seems upset and a little afraid by Yoshi’s hissing and spitting. I am sure this is something I could work on over time but she is so obviously happier with another dog to give her comfort and companionship.

Yoshi, while much better, was clearly out of sorts during Lulu’s visit. I know I could very easily dog-sit Lulu for short term periods but anything more permanent would be difficult. It doesn’t help I live in a small apartment and there is little room for ‘personal pet space’.

Yoshi is normally a very playful, active, talkative, and cuddly cat. While Lulu was here she didn’t play, run around, purr, or do most of her normal behaviors. She basically just kept to herself in my bedroom. So while not traumatized she was certainly not herself. In fact I missed her terribly and was very happy to see her greet me at the door when I came home from dropping Lulu off. She seemed to know the dog was gone for good and not just out for walkies. Immediately, she started zooming around the house and playing with all her toys like she usually does. Best of all she purred and cuddled with me like crazy.

I have come to realize that Yoshi is very dog-like in her devotion to me. She demands a lot of attention and interaction. I am lucky to have her in my life and she is enough for me. I am happy to be a doting doggy aunty in my spare time but over all I am a one cat woman.

Hanging Out in the Playzen Tuben

***I wanted to give y'all a heads up. I am presently doing all the demonic crafty work necessary to put out a 2008 Yoshi Calendar featuring 13 all-new costumes within a common theme. It's a surprise until I officially unveil the web-site. Let me know in the comment section or via email (crankypantsATshawDOTca) if you like this idea. There are also plans for other coolio merchandise. So think about getting some Yoshi Lovin' for Christmas gifties or for your own Krash Pad. I am working with Lulu's mom (a graphic designer) on giving you a lot of bang for your buck. Also a portion of profits will go to a pet related charity! STAY TUNED!***

Wednesday, September 12, 2007


Well, peace is restored to the Kranki Krash Pad as Lulu went home last night. I had every plan to video Yoshi moaning and groaning every time the dog came into her field of vision but within a day or so things settled down and that behavior stopped for the most part. Or at least wasn’t prolonged enough to catch on camera. By no means was a truce called but an uneasy tolerance was achieved and outbursts of serious drama were sporadic at best.

Yoshi ate fairly normally once I put her food in my bedroom which was a strict ‘No Dog Zone’ and when Lulu was crated at night Yoshi did some reconnaissance of the apartment including dropping some bombs and burying some mines in the litter box. There was also some serious feline gloating from my bed which made Lulu whimper. For the most part the cat stayed exclusively in my bedroom occasionally vying for sunshine spots when the temptation became too great.

Now she is back to playing and shedding fur over every available surface like nothing happened.

She purred like crazy this morning but her motor was rusty from disuse so it came out with squeaks and phlegmy rattles. I asked her if she needed to go to the shop for an oil change but things lubed up over a few minutes and she was running smoothly soon enough.

I had a great time with Lulu including some fabulous nature walks in the local park. These are places I don’t normally go on my own so it was nice to see these open spaces. I learned a lot about human nature as well when one time it became obvious that a man walking directly behind me on a nature path was clearly making arrangements with a call girl/escort on his cell phone.

Yes, I can hear you now.

The Beach Bum Theory - getting along because the sun has turned off their brains.

Friday, September 07, 2007

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-The Wrath, Oh The Wrath

So a few of you have asked me what is wrong with Yoshi due to my Yoshi Barf Watch updates on Twitter.

Lulu my Almost Dog is staying over until next Tuesday. Her momma and pappy are in Winnipeg and her sister dog Xiola is at her Grandma’s house. Lulu doesn’t like Grandma’s lab puppy so she is hanging out with me.

As usual Yoshi is pitching a fit. I will be videoing her operatic discontent for your viewing pleasure next week. If she wasn’t so miserable it would be funny.

Who am I kidding? It is funny.

When I brought Lulu home that first time Yoshi stopped eating and started puking in protest. Hence Barf Watch and Hunger Strike news.

This is how things stand now:

Yoshi ate fairly normally on Thursday, the first day Lulu arrived. By evening her Hunger Strike was in full force. However no hurling.

Today I took Lulu out of the house for 7 hours hoping Yoshi would eat and chill the fuck out. No such luck. When I got home I tempted her with tuna which she got very excited about and gobbled down. So much so that she immediately puked it up. She ate some more and that seems to be staying down. For now…

Off white carpet-0

Lulu will be here until Tuesday night. Let’s hope Yoshi can cope until then without popping a neck vein. I’ve fattened her up over the last couple weeks so she has calories to spare right now. But will it be enough…

Just now Yoshi walked within about 6 inches of Lulu and hissed and spit right in her face. Lulu ran to me for protection. I praised them both.

Don’t judge me!

This may or may not be a brand new teddy squeaky toy bought to compensate for all the hating aimed in her direction...

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Uptight Dork Seeks Same

Good news! I got the Flickr/Yahoo! thing all figured out. They actually have an email form you can fill out for help and they actually answer your email. Unlike some other entity I know *coughBloggercough*. They will even answer your email again when their first emailed suggestions don’t work. So long story short they automatically flipped my Flickr account into a Yahoo! account using my Flickr identity (not my email) matched with my Flickr password. I didn’t know this and when I went to sign into Flickr it linked directly to Yahoo! log-in which is already set up with my original Yahoo! account information. So now I have two Yahoo! accounts: my original one and the one they made out of my Flickr account. Hence the issue with log-in. Now that I know about this second account I have access.

So yeaaaaay!

And what the fuck where they thinking?

So I was in the car today with my mom and we were talking about people and how often just a few wreck it for the majority. We hear this a lot from my dad who is a property manager and looks after several buildings in the downtown area. Most have on-site managers but a couple small ones don’t so he gets to deal with issues first hand. With all the crazy stuff my poor dad has to handle with tenants it is a miracle he hasn’t lost his mind. I know I’d freak out.

And the weird thing is that so many of these people don’t even think about how their so-called little lapses accumulate and add up to some serious hassle.

So after gossiping about various people we have heard about who live their lives selfishly thereby negatively affecting others I came to this conclusion,

“There are people who notice stuff and people who just don’t.”

I happen to be one of those people who notice stuff. Unfortunately I notice stuff in such minute detail it is actually a huge pain in the ass. Cleaning my apartment is often hell. I start on the big stuff and then get lost in the tiny stuff. I hate fingerprints and notice them on my desk top, cabinets, and glass. Don’t even talk to me about smears. Stains freak me out. It is not so much that I am a neat freak because I am actually not. It is just small imperfections are incredibly obvious to me.

Chips in the paintwork, spotted chrome, crooked pictures, dead leaves on plants….

I don’t know why.

For instance every time I wash my floors I wash the outside of my front door too. I polish the door knob and knocker and wipe off all the scuff marks on the base of the door from the toes of my shoe. You know those black marks from when you use your foot to push the door open if your hands are full?

But every day when I walk down the hallway of my building to get to my apartment I notice all the dirty scuffed marked and fingerprinty doors of my neighbours and wonder how they do not notice the dirt and clean their doors.

I then have to remind myself that most people just don’t notice this stuff. They are not bad or nasty. They just don’t see.

But what pisses me off is when some asshole spills half their latte down the wall of the elevator and doesn’t clean it up. Or lets their dog poop in the lobby. Or leaves dirty panties behind in the laundry room. How can you not notice that stuff?!?! Is it that they don’t notice or don’t care?

Sadly, us folks who notice stuff always appear like uptight bitchy dorks to those who don’t notice.

But even though I can get driven to distraction by these details they can also delight me in strange ways.

I recently bought some fabric to make pillows exactly because if you look reeeaaaallly close at the pattern it is filled with all sorts of weird and wacky shit. To just glance at it you would think it was some sort of childish fabric.

Oh no! No, no, no, no no….

"Hey Fluffy Bunny! I'm Timmy Raccoon. Can I play with you and your scythe?"

"OK! While I build a boat you dig a mean a cool hole!"

"Haha! See ya, Timbo! Hope you like swimming without a life-vest!"
"Why I LOVE swimming Fluffy Bunny! Wait for me!"

"Oh Hey! Feel like a campfire?
"Why yes, Fluffy Bunny, I do although my blue vest is knitted from nice cooling asbestos."

But Mister Bunny was bored of Timmy Raccoon and wanted to go home for a snack.

Bye bye, Timmy Raccoon.

The End.