Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-Doppelganger

When I recently dog-sat Lulu and Xiola for 5 days I bought them some new toys to play with at my house. Their particular favourite was this hedgehog that made an alarming "ack ack ack" noise when shaken. The dogs LOVED it. They loved it so much I found myself tripping on it quite often when it was left in the middle of my floor. Except when that would happen I'd do that awkward 'sacrifice your spine alignment' avoidance skip/jump/lurch because I always thought this toy was actually Yoshi and I was about to step on her. If I didn't actually have any reflexes and had the luxury of time to think about it I'd never make that mistake as Yoshi, for the first 3 days never left my bedroom. Never.

I started calling the hedgehog Yoshi since it was under my feet far more than she was that weekend.

Then on the last day Yoshi got brave and started emerging from the bedroom merely to walk right up to the dogs and hiss in their faces only to turn around and walk right back into the bedroom again. The best part was when she would walk up to the hedgehog toy and hiss at it too for good measure. You know, just in case it was trying to make friends or thinking of eating her kibble.

See? TWINS!

Show it how you really feel, Yoshi.

Crush Kranki's Empty Head Tuesday + A Plug For a Cool Thing

I am thinking I should rename ‘Crush Your Cat’s Head Friday’ into ‘Crush Your Cat’s Head Whenever You Remember and Haven’t Fallen Asleep On The Couch Tuesday.’

Ahem…

So a few weeks ago the fabulous Leigh-Ann who runs The Blog Pound as well as Wee Paws sent me a cool little item that would make an excellent gift for the holidays. Or for anytime, really. It is called ‘Messages From Your Animal Companions’ and it is a oracle deck of cards based on getting into the complex minds of the animals you love. Basically what you do is think of a question for or ask for information about any animal you know, like your cat or your sister’s dog or even your neighbour’s python. We are not talking about the human animal types like ex-husbands or crazy first dates. You think about what you want to learn about the animal from this deck of cards and shuffle them up. You then pick a couple cards and see what they say.

The cool thing is this oracle deck is made up of cards that cover many thoughts and concerns an animal might have. There are cards for being sad, being scared, being happy, being sick and other variations. It is very well thought out and covers many scenarios.

The first time I used the deck I asked how Yoshi was feeling about the calendar and dressing up for it. The card I got was that she was feeling either under or over worked. Since I have been the one glued to my computer and running all over town as she sleeps the day away I decided to take the card as meaning she would like to do more Yoshi photo-shoots. The next question I asked was why Yoshi didn’t like Lulu my Almost Dog and the card that came up was ‘Conflict.’ Need I say more?

I then took the cards over to a friend's house (the one who adopted Lulu) and pulled some cards about her cat, Winston, the Catnip Thief. The first card that came up was ‘Ears’ and the spooky part is that his ears have been very infected over the last few days. So out of 55 cards the exact health issue bothering the cat was chosen. Cool, huh? One of the cards picked for Lulu was something about her feeling safe and cared for which made me all veklempt. And Xiola, well, her card said she liked things just the way they were which pretty much sums up Xiola; she is a happy and content doggy.

I few days later I did a little session about Yoshi and the cards didn’t make any sense at all. Perhaps my ‘vibe’ was off or I didn’t ask the right question. Or Yoshi was playing with my mind.

So, while I wouldn’t advocate using these cards to diagnose health issues instead of visiting your vet they are quite fun in a light-hearted way. Overall the results were eerily bang-on.

Leigh-Ann sells these cards to raise funds for her animal rescue. You know how I feel about getting money to the poor beasties so if you need a gift for an animal owner and lover these would make an original and interesting choice.

So thanks, Leigh-Ann, for passing this cool deck of cards my way. Perhaps, over time, I can slowly unravel the enigma that is Yoshi and finally begin to understand what makes that little cat tick.

Yoshi Being Overworked and Underpaid

Twisty and Kranki Do Vancouver

A few exciting firsts occurred on Sunday which made for a very special day.

First of all I met my very first fellow blogger for reals. I connected with Twisted Uterus who is in town for a vet conference. It was a fantastic surreal experience and very cool to meet her in person. She is a bubbly and enthusiastic lady and we hit it off right away chatting up a storm that didn’t abate the whole day.

I met her in her hotel lobby at 11 am and she graced me with a wonderful TU original pottery piece which I was honoured to receive. We walked through downtown to the beach where we hopped on a water ferry to Granville Island to do some mooching around.

Cherished Giftie

It was quite crowded but very festive with all the colourful produce and other goodies. Twisty took photo after photo which turned out beautifully (check out her Flickr set and you’ll see for yourself) and we checked out the other buildings which house local artists and crafts people. We tried on funky glasses (who wouldn’t allow us to take photos) (we both found frames we liked but didn’t buy. Hers=$375 and mine were $457!) and hats and browsed handmade paper and fabrics. We then checked out the local art college which I attended several years ago. We looked at tonnes of pottery and even a groovy glass studio. I had a nice chat with a young lady whose father has a hand-made shoe studio. I used to work at a shoe store where he made all the prototypes so I was familiar with his work. We gossiped about the olden days. Well what she knew of them as she was only 3 years old at the time the olden days were happening. I saw a dream pair of clogs which are made specially to your foot measurements for only $475. Clearly, I gotta get on winning that lottery.

Checking out the weird ass tomatoes.

The Cookie Hunter

Urban Hippy Political Correctness

Waiting for the yacht valet to bring 'round our ocean chariot.

TU and I decided that instead of eating out we would get some yummy stuff for dinner at the market and eat at my place. I had some homemade tomato pasta sauce in my fridge (thankyoujesus!) so TU got the yummy fresh pasta and prawns and I got the salad stuff and cheese. We split dessert with cookies and cinnamon bun bread.

The old house where I used to live is right by the water ferry so on the way back we stopped by for a quick visit to meet up with my human friends and Lulu, Xiola and Winston The Cat. Twisty got a poochy fix and had a cuddle with Lulu who showed us all that once again she is a super sweet dog. She and Xiola showed off by playing and wrestling complete with scary fake growling and tug-o-war.

Some rainy day Lulu Lovin'.

Covered in dog hair we checked out a very cool social housing project featuring restored Victorian houses complete with running brook and goldfish pond. Next door is the Dr. Peter Aids Centre and Hospice which prompted a lively discussion about healthcare and how important it is.

I got to scope out her hotel room which was very shmancy. While there I checked out some of her photos as well. She has a gorgeous coffee-table book/album made up with her work which totally inspired me. We also talked about dating/guys and are on the same page on that. Picky, picky, picky…

Finally we made it to my place and just in the nick of time as we were both starving and pooped out from all the walking. We cooked up a delicious dinner and scarfed it all down leaving nothing on our plates. This is where the second first-of-the-day came into play. I’ve lived at my place for 15 months and this was the first time I’ve used one of my rear burners on my stove thus illustrating to TU (and now you) that I am not much of a dinner party thrower and normally lead a Kraft Dinner sort of existence.

Yoshi surprised me by being rather friendly and show-offy right away. She tried to mooch food from Twisty and was quite bad in cute ways zooming around and playing with her playzen tuben. She was so social that TU did a risky thing and tried to pick her up. Yoshi let her do it (the third first-of-the-day) but then the vibe changed and the typical Yoshi bitchiness reared its ugly head. Of course we laughed all the harder for her attitude and picked on her even more.

That cat is about as cuddly as a cactus on fire.

Perhaps some hissing for you this evening?

Asshole Cat Extreme Close-up

I drove her back to her hotel about 10 pm after a really fantastic day. I feel like I’ve made a real friend and I hope I will get to hang out with her again. TU is a talented and fun chick. I had the best time and I hope she had fun too. Thanks for the great day, Twisty!

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-The Way It Is

In my last post’s comments section a few of you hoped that it might be possible to permanently integrate Lulu into The Kranki Krash Pad since Yoshi was much better with this visit.

Believe me, I was watching for all the signs this might happen.

Sadly, I know that Yoshi and Lulu are better off where they are right now. Lulu is far more confident and outgoing with her sister dog, Xiola. On her own she is nervous and prone to separation anxiety and follows me everywhere. She whimpers at the door when I am in the bathroom, for poop’s sake. She also seems upset and a little afraid by Yoshi’s hissing and spitting. I am sure this is something I could work on over time but she is so obviously happier with another dog to give her comfort and companionship.

Yoshi, while much better, was clearly out of sorts during Lulu’s visit. I know I could very easily dog-sit Lulu for short term periods but anything more permanent would be difficult. It doesn’t help I live in a small apartment and there is little room for ‘personal pet space’.

Yoshi is normally a very playful, active, talkative, and cuddly cat. While Lulu was here she didn’t play, run around, purr, or do most of her normal behaviors. She basically just kept to herself in my bedroom. So while not traumatized she was certainly not herself. In fact I missed her terribly and was very happy to see her greet me at the door when I came home from dropping Lulu off. She seemed to know the dog was gone for good and not just out for walkies. Immediately, she started zooming around the house and playing with all her toys like she usually does. Best of all she purred and cuddled with me like crazy.

I have come to realize that Yoshi is very dog-like in her devotion to me. She demands a lot of attention and interaction. I am lucky to have her in my life and she is enough for me. I am happy to be a doting doggy aunty in my spare time but over all I am a one cat woman.

Hanging Out in the Playzen Tuben

***I wanted to give y'all a heads up. I am presently doing all the demonic crafty work necessary to put out a 2008 Yoshi Calendar featuring 13 all-new costumes within a common theme. It's a surprise until I officially unveil the web-site. Let me know in the comment section or via email (crankypantsATshawDOTca) if you like this idea. There are also plans for other coolio merchandise. So think about getting some Yoshi Lovin' for Christmas gifties or for your own Krash Pad. I am working with Lulu's mom (a graphic designer) on giving you a lot of bang for your buck. Also a portion of profits will go to a pet related charity! STAY TUNED!***

Equilibrium

Well, peace is restored to the Kranki Krash Pad as Lulu went home last night. I had every plan to video Yoshi moaning and groaning every time the dog came into her field of vision but within a day or so things settled down and that behavior stopped for the most part. Or at least wasn’t prolonged enough to catch on camera. By no means was a truce called but an uneasy tolerance was achieved and outbursts of serious drama were sporadic at best.

Yoshi ate fairly normally once I put her food in my bedroom which was a strict ‘No Dog Zone’ and when Lulu was crated at night Yoshi did some reconnaissance of the apartment including dropping some bombs and burying some mines in the litter box. There was also some serious feline gloating from my bed which made Lulu whimper. For the most part the cat stayed exclusively in my bedroom occasionally vying for sunshine spots when the temptation became too great.

Now she is back to playing and shedding fur over every available surface like nothing happened.

She purred like crazy this morning but her motor was rusty from disuse so it came out with squeaks and phlegmy rattles. I asked her if she needed to go to the shop for an oil change but things lubed up over a few minutes and she was running smoothly soon enough.

I had a great time with Lulu including some fabulous nature walks in the local park. These are places I don’t normally go on my own so it was nice to see these open spaces. I learned a lot about human nature as well when one time it became obvious that a man walking directly behind me on a nature path was clearly making arrangements with a call girl/escort on his cell phone.

Yes, I can hear you now.

The Beach Bum Theory - getting along because the sun has turned off their brains.

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-The Wrath, Oh The Wrath

So a few of you have asked me what is wrong with Yoshi due to my Yoshi Barf Watch updates on Twitter.

Lulu my Almost Dog is staying over until next Tuesday. Her momma and pappy are in Winnipeg and her sister dog Xiola is at her Grandma’s house. Lulu doesn’t like Grandma’s lab puppy so she is hanging out with me.

As usual Yoshi is pitching a fit. I will be videoing her operatic discontent for your viewing pleasure next week. If she wasn’t so miserable it would be funny.

Who am I kidding? It is funny.

When I brought Lulu home that first time Yoshi stopped eating and started puking in protest. Hence Barf Watch and Hunger Strike news.

This is how things stand now:

Yoshi ate fairly normally on Thursday, the first day Lulu arrived. By evening her Hunger Strike was in full force. However no hurling.

Today I took Lulu out of the house for 7 hours hoping Yoshi would eat and chill the fuck out. No such luck. When I got home I tempted her with tuna which she got very excited about and gobbled down. So much so that she immediately puked it up. She ate some more and that seems to be staying down. For now…

Yoshi-1
Off white carpet-0

Lulu will be here until Tuesday night. Let’s hope Yoshi can cope until then without popping a neck vein. I’ve fattened her up over the last couple weeks so she has calories to spare right now. But will it be enough…

Just now Yoshi walked within about 6 inches of Lulu and hissed and spit right in her face. Lulu ran to me for protection. I praised them both.

Don’t judge me!

This may or may not be a brand new teddy squeaky toy bought to compensate for all the hating aimed in her direction...

Who Needs Fiction When You Have This Kind of Life.

Things have been very busy around the Kranki Krash Pad. I’ve done things, seen things and traveled to far away places this week. Get all cozy under your covers and I’ll tell you a bedtime story or several.

I consider myself a very mild mannered person. I don’t yell, I don’t hit and I certainly don’t freak the fuck out. If I find myself in a bad situation I try to rise above it all and emerge unscathed and well established on the higher road. Until last week.

So I was in this suburban mall parking lot.

I know! Most of you are all, “Yeah! I know where this is going!” and you are probably right. I had backed out of my parking spot and was just cranking the wheel over to go forward and out of the lot when this woman in a van pulls up to my front bumper. Reeeeaaaaally close. I drive a full sized early 90’s 4-door Jetta so this isn’t some tiny car that zips around tight spaces. I need a little room to move. So there I am backed up so my rear bumper is right up to a parked car behind me and I need that room in front to turn my car so I can go forward and straighten out to drive out etc… But right up to my front bumper is this van. And she continues to let her van roll even closer to me so I am basically trapped. She immediately starts cussing me out and waving her hands around. I reply with an incredulous look combined with the showing palms gesture of exasperation. She then starts to REALLY spaz out and scream at me. Clearly I cannot got very far because at this point she is about 6 inches from my front bumper. I just don’t understand why she cannot see she has gotten us into this predicament and needs to back up herself to give me some turning room. And it was not like I backed out right in front of her as I was totally clear to back up and she was actually stopped farther down the row with her turn signal on to go into a different spot. I guess she changed her mind and would have had plenty of time to see me pull out before approaching.

So I get stubborn and just sit there for a few seconds with my arms crossed.

The woman is literally shaking her head around and yelling, “GO! GO! GO!”

Sadly I cannot because she is blocking meeeeeeeee.

Then I just snapped and for the very first time in my very vanilla life I retaliated. I looked her square in the eye and mouthed very clearly, “FUCK YOU BITCH!” And the funniest part was she looked at me like I was the potty mouth evil hag after she had been cussing me out the whole time already. I guess I must have looked livid.

When I told this story to a friend she couldn’t believe I had done it. This is very unlike me.

I then cranked the wheel over and inched back and forth within the foot of space I had to maneuver and finally was able to get around her. I laughed the whole time and I know she could see that too.

I have to admit it felt really good to do that. My inner ‘feist’ is coming out in surprising ways.

Then on Friday I dog-sat my two girls, Xiola and Lulu for the whole day. I took them to the dog beach where they can run around off leash and play with loads of other dogs and jump in the ocean if they want. We came back to my place and I gave them both a bath and then we went for another walk to the park where I planned to brush them thereby giving all the wee birdies and animals clumps of fur to add to their nests and totally keeping my apartment a fur free zone. I sat on the grass and not long after this woman just walked up to me with her two Chihuahuas and sat right down next to me.

Oh! OK!

So we started talking and it became evident that she might be a little mentally disabled which explained her lack of personal space boundaries with complete strangers. We had a nice chat and I brushed her dogs too (all 5 lbs of them) in the sunshine. It was obvious she very much loved her dogs and when I asked questions she almost entirely answered me as if the dogs were speaking themselves.

Me: So what are your dogs’ names?

Lady: (baby voice) My name is Romeo and even though I am very little I think I am very big and I get into fights with large dogs and bark a lot to show them I mean business.

Me: Oh…um…what is your other dog’s name?

Lady: (higher pitched baby voice) My name is Juliette and I am the boss. Romeo thinks he is the boss but I let him think that way but I am really the boss and I sit in my mommy’s lap and never ever ever ever let her get up.

Me: Hehe… um…Well, Romeo and Juliette, you are both very cute.

Lady: (singsong voice) We knooooooowwww!

It was while sitting with Romeo and Juliette’s mom that I saw something I have never seen before and I hope I never see again. This woman and her small son were walking along a nearby path and she was shouting at him about something. The kid, I think about 5 years old, wasn’t saying anything or whining that I could hear but this woman going on and on about how he was not listening and bugging her and such. When they got about 30 feet from me she stopped and her voice got louder and louder and she suddenly spit on her child. Yes. SPIT ON HER OWN SMALL CHILD. It was all I could do not to say something but I had a large dog with me and I wasn’t sure how Xiola would react if this lady freaked out on me and did something stupid. She seemed really nuts. Poor little kid is going to be Hannibal Lecter when he grows up.

Then yesterday my mom and I ventured into the deepest and darkest of suburbs to visit the Holy Grail of shopping destinations. Yes, we FINALLY have gotten an H & M clothing store. I have seen them in other cities for years and years and I just couldn’t figure out why Vancouver didn’t have one yet. We have all the big designer stores and other big names but no H & M. Well we have one now in a nearby town and a downtown Vancouver one will be opening up in Spring 2008.

Sadly I cannot rave too much about it as the store was so packed with back to school teenagers and moms with kids and strollers you literally couldn’t move. There was a huge line-up to try stuff on and everything was so picked over. I’ll go back once school starts and let you know how fabulous it is.

And an update- Yoshi is now talking to me again as I bought her a nice big playzen tuben that she LOVES! I am the cool food lady now (with a 5 foot cat tunnel in the middle of her living room) and all is well.

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-On Strike

Yoshi here again. I refuse to come out from under the bed (except to post this important notice) because my stooopid Food Hag brought over two ugly and dumb dogs for the whole frickin' day! My dinner was 3 hours late and my mom is covered in dog fur. She also smells.

So I am boycotting a photograph today and will only consider posing over the weekend if the following demands are met:

-1 (one) can of tuna served in 2 (two) installments for my dinner.
-uninterrupted use of the lap.
-my litter box scooped every hour on the hour.
-scratching of my chin combined with light bum spankings on demand.
-unrestricted access to all hair clips and elastics.
-undying devotion of all mortals.

Only if all my demands are met will I attend a photo shoot. If any of these conditions are not met in a timely manner I will penalize My Slave by pooping in her shoe.

Your co-operation is greatly appreciated.

However, I still hate you.

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-More of the Pride Princesses

I got some more pics of my Doggy Princesses from last weekend's Pride Parade. Behold their lacy pink cuteness.

Xiola showing off. Quite the diva.

Seriously, could she be any cuter?

Me and my special girl, Lulu.

I just want to squeeeeeeeeeze them.

Better Than Cross Dressing, I Guess.

I have just finished a cross-stitching marathon lasting a full 7 hours. I cannot quite believe this but the clock tells me it is true.

I was recently turned on to cross-stitch by Julie at www.subversivecrossstitch.com and haven’t stopped since. And then to add to the madness I bought a cross-stitch pattern program online where I can make my own patterns as well. Frankly, I cannot be stopped.

Family and friends may as well know now that they will be getting some sort of cross-stitch item for their birthday, Christmas, or any holiday that involves gift giving. Partly because we all know how much people love to receive home-made gifts that take hours and hours and HOURS to create but look so very unsubstantial and moderately hokey. *ahem* But also because I can only put so many of my own projects on my walls without looking a little nuts.

I truly wish I could fall in love with exercise or dieting as much as I do these little craft projects. Hell, I’d even take cooking or cleaning marathons instead of just sitting on the couch with a rainbow vomit pile of floss (that is the very technical term for thread in cross-stitch vocab) on my lap as my eyes bug out of my head in the dying light while I morph little X’s into cute sayings and tiny hearts. But no. I always get addicted to the very sedentary hobbies like reading, TV, cross-stitch, sewing and eating enough chocolate to slip into a diabetic coma.

I’ve been Twittering about the dog costumes I have been making for my special girls to wear on Gay Pride Parade Day. They were so cute and I got lots of compliments on my work. Not nearly as many, “Obviously you have far too much time on your hands!” comments as I expected. What can I say? It is true, I do have lots of extra time but since most of the people who said that to me spend most of their spare time sucking on a bong I didn’t feel like my quirky productivity was being truly maligned.

What I didn’t tell everybody was how much I got into making those dresses for the dogs. I spent approximately 8-10 hours on each of them. I drafted the patterns by hand and finished all the seams. There was beading and lace and grommets to put in for the ribbon. I love those dogs so much I almost felt like I was making Easter frocks for my kids. It was a little embarrassing.

But no more.

So I shout it to the world. I love crafting! It is my intention one day to have a Craft Headquarters where I will set up my sewing machine permanently. I will make outfits for your dogs, reconfigure your grandma's muumuu into fabulous car seat covers and design a special teapot cozy that exactly matches your kitchen colour scheme. I will make my own gifts and I will give them away without guilt even though I know you would rather an iPod or a sweater. It is in my blood and I cannot deny the throbbing call to the remnant bin at the fabric store. You may call me The Craft Mistress! And yes, I am cross-stitching that right now.

The Craft Mistress With Her Little Princesses

Please Stand By

I would love to post but I am busy making dog costumes for Gay Pride Weekend. Stay tuned.

Will there be photos? Oh yes...

Incoherent

I am a total asshole. There is a serious lack of posting around these parts and it is completely my fault. I owe a photo of myself to Sharkey to celebrate her 5th Re-Birthday and I thought this would also be an excellent way to show you all how much my hair has grown out as well as a bit of cleavage with the new hooties. I even have the outfit picked out and everything. Here is the problem; being a single genteel lady living on my own who the fricking hell can I get to take my photo? I tried to set up some timer balancing act with my camera on various surfaces with crappy results. I have to get one of my parents over to take the photo. Or go to Sears Portrait Studio. So I’m sorry but you all will have to wait.

I cooked up some CDs for Kristine per her heartfelt request but both yesterday and today I got to the post office after closing so the envelope sadly sits in my car weeping softly to itself. Hold on Kristine! It’s coming!

I would love to tell you all about how much my neighbour hates my ass and describe the look on her face as she glares at me every chance she gets. Sadly it has come to my attention that people Googling my full name are directed to this supposedly anonymous site. In no place does my name appear in any posts or comments so I have no idea how this is happening. **If anybody can help me with this issue I’d love your input.** I’ve noticed lots of folks getting to my blog via my name lately so I have to be a little more circumspect with my rantings until I get this all figured out. I am fully convinced that this lovely lady’s wrath shooting through her fingertips would short circuit a computer if she tried to research me but just in case I won’t be getting into any details. Yet…

So has anybody had any experiences ordering prescription glasses via an internet site? I’ve found a fabu set of frames (in an olive colour) but, of course, cannot be sure they will suit me. I also argue with myself over paying half the price for online lenses opposed to getting the prescription filled here in town where I can deal easily with any potential problems. Any horror stories? Or did you get a great product at a great deal?

I dropped off some stuff I cleaned out of my storage space at the Salvation Army today. While there I poked around in some bins and found a freaking great set of mid century stainless steel serving dishes with gorgeous Bakelite handles and feet. $5 for the both of them!! SCORE!

Lulu My Almost Dog went on her very first camping trip this weekend. You can see pics at my friend’s Facebook site. I’m not sure if you have to join to view photos. Let me know if you have trouble and I will try to get the original jpegs posted.

HEY! Thanks so much for sending out birthday cards to Shane. I appreciate it and I'm sure he will be thrilled.

So I’m sorry I am such a lousy friend but I can promise you a fabulous Crush Your Cat’s Head Friday compliments of MRTL this week. It will be the best one EVAH!

Redemption is mine!

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-An Evening With Lulu

I had my Almost Dog Lulu over for a play date the other day. Her new mom has been busy teaching her new tricks. Check it out!

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-It's a Dog's Life Edition

I am thrilled to announce that Lulu has found a FANTASTIC forever home. When my friends, her foster mom and dad, saw her profile go back up on the rescue shelter website they realized they couldn't bear the thought of perhaps never seeing her again. Discussions ensued and they decided they couldn't let her go and that she has been where she really belonged all along. Lulu managed to meld into their family seamlessly. Clever girl! And I get to be The Benevolent Auntie any time I want. I've even received keys to their apartment so I can visit any time. It really doesn't get any better than this!

Snoozing with her new brother, Winston, who is obviously far more well adjusted than some other cat we know...*coughyoshicough*

Sharing couch time with her new sister, Xiola.


Getting her sea legs.


She and Xiola have become extremely close. My friend has been seeing special loving behavior from Xiola that she has never EVER seen her display towards any other of her doggy buddies. Lulu has developed so much self confidence being in Xiola's company. She is learning to trust and dig holes and play fight and be a lovely well rounded dog from her new best friend.


*brushing tears from my eyes* They are inseparable.


Here is Lulu looking forward to a bright future.

I know without a doubt that Lulu's life couldn't be any better.

Angst Is The New Black

Well…what do you know? It seems I have found myself right in the middle of a real live ker'fuffle. Boy-oh-boy, you have no idea what my day has been like.

It appears that The Jilted Adopters I posted about yesterday Googled my name and/or Lulu’s name and found my blog. Heeee! And of course the first thing I thought was, “Excellent!! Well I know what I’ll be blogging about tonight.” They read what I wrote about them and were very upset. So upset that they tattled about my blog to my friend who is fostering Lulu and the nice lady who runs the rescue shelter. Well, my friend reads me regularly and nothing I write surprises her anymore. I don’t know what The Nice Rescue Lady thought about this collection of my incoherent ramblings but she still stands behind me and my decision. I have always strictly adhered to a policy of never writing anything on my blog that I wouldn’t be 100% comfortable saying to anybody’s face and saying that I still firmly stand behind yesterday’s post.

I know they are upset. I know there were reasons why what happened happened. I know they are mad at me. I’d be mad at me too if I was in their shoes. I really would. I have no problem with their anger. It doesn’t bother me. None of that ultimately matters to me because for me all this has not been about emotions and whose feelings got hurt. It has been about getting Lulu into a fantastic home ASAP.

So, yes, they are upset and I’m told that they don’t feel that they have been given the opportunity to state their side of the story. Well, this is my blog for my opinions and if they want to start their own blog for theirs then they should. In fact I’d happily link to it. I have some blog domain name ideas for them. How about wehateherass.com or krankiisafuckinglyingwhorelady.com. I have absolutely nothing to hide. Seriously. I’ve always been open to finding out why things went wrong? You see, as well as finking about my blog they have also been sending detailed emails to my friend and The Nice Rescue Lady outlining in gory detail how I did them wrong. So while everybody else seems to be in the know about their side of the story they have never actually taken up their issues about me with me. I’ve not received copies of any of their complaints. And I can’t approach them as I was ordered by the husband in his nasty email to “NEVER” contact them again. Which I haven’t.

Here’s the thing. While I don’t have any copies in my possession of any of these emails they sent to other people about me I have been told a few particular items of interest. Now let me assure everybody that I would never have lightly or foolishly blogged about my experience if I didn’t follow some ground rules. I never identified anybody by name. I never identified anybody’s occupations or places of work. There is absolutely no way my silly little opinion, as misguided as it apparently is, could ever be traced to any particular person or people. And in addition to that I never said anything about the situation that I couldn’t back-up and prove outright with emails I sent and received. I could even promise that if it came to anything ugly phone records would prove my position as well. No, not the content of conversations but whether phone conversations ever took place. I hate to be cryptic here and I won’t get too detailed. He will know what I mean. How CSI, huh?

Hearing certain negative assertions about my conduct and how I supposedly threatened, harassed and pestered them that I know are blatantly untrue and can be totally disproved by the information I have in my possession only makes me laugh even harder. Like I am talking REALLY hard here. Like there is even milk coming out of my nose.

So on the off chance you guys are reading this *waves hello* please feel free to comment and/or post a link if you’d like to state your side of the story. From the very beginning all I ever wanted was to hear from you and be updated and kept abreast of your situation. But I warn you, please be very careful what you accuse me of. I, in all seriousness, suggest you go over the emails I sent and you sent and be very sure of what you are going to say about me in writing to post on the internet. I say this because if there are any untruths I will not hesitate to set the record straight.

I’ll say it one more time. I’ve kept every single email.

PS-I'll tell you all some good news tomorrow.

Nasty! Don't Mean a Thing!

In the two years I’ve been writing my blog I’ve never received an icky comment or shitty email. Everybody has been nothing but lovely, supportive and kind. So YAY! and Thank You! and all that because I think that kind of bad stuff, in large enough doses, could really get to a person after a while.

So imagine my surprise when a rather nasty email arrived in my inbox today. Not from a fellow blogger or internet troll but from the person who had been chosen to adopt Lulu.

I have spent the last week and an half fielding several emails per day from people who were eager and excited about the prospect of bringing Lulu into their homes. The rescue shelter where I adopted her from had very strict criteria to meet so most of these applicants were rejected. Friends of my friend who is fostering Lulu at the moment expressed interest and we encouraged them to apply to adopt Lulu. They did and the rescue shelter lady wasn’t sure they were the right match but my friend and I raved about them and promised that they’d be perfect. Against her better judgment she agreed to the adoption saying she trusted us.

And then the slow decline into hell began. The husband of the couple who seemed to be the spokesperson of the two was not the slightest bit excited when I called to let them know they had been accepted to adopt Lulu. In fact he brushed me off saying he’d call later and then didn’t. I emailed him asking for a date/timeline/ball-park estimate as to when they wanted to take Lulu with no reply. I asked for any kind of information at all about their intentions and got no reply. He did venture to say he wanted to take Lulu for the day to introduce her to their cat and then didn’t make arrangements to pick her up or even contact me to let me know what was happening. A complete no-show.

Well…I sent a very nice email expressing my concerns that there seemed to be some sort of disconnect and that I was not getting the information I needed to get them and Lulu together. I explained my obligations towards the rescue shelter and my responsibilities towards Lulu. I outlined how the payment of the adoption fee would work depending on how the adoption was arranged; immediate pick up or slow introduction into their home. I asked them to give me their thoughts and wishes so we could work together to get Lulu happy and settled.

I got no reply.

So I cancelled the adoption.

And when I emailed to tell them so I wasn’t so nice anymore. I certainly wasn’t rude but I made VERY clear the reasons why I was not going to adopt Lulu to them and nothing was sugar coated. I questioned why they had applied for Lulu in the first place. I explained what they should have done and what they didn’t do. I outlined the circumstances of their application and how my friend and I had stuck our necks out to get them accepted. I told them what an embarrassing and awkward situation they had put us in with the shelter. I said they owed my friend an apology as she had advocated for them very strongly and they let her down. I said they had let Lulu down as well.

Ok-maybe not the kind of email one wants to get but there were no profanities. No personal attacks. Just the irrefutable facts of the matter, my side of the situation and the predicament I was now in. Hell, I have the whole adoption exchange on email and words don’t lie! They totally blew me off.

And that is when the husband sent me the nasty email. It was personal, it was low, it was petty and it contained a very blatant lie. A horrible ass covering desperate lie. A lie that one shouldn’t commit to paper and send out into the world because it is gonna come back and bite you on that ass you are trying to protect.

Remember, I have all the emails...

The best part was that this nasty email was also really funny. I laughed out loud when I read it.

A couple years ago this email would have devastated me. I would have been agonizing that they didn’t liiiike meeee or that it was unnnnfaaaiiiirr. Not now. All those happy pills and hours of therapy have done the trick. And the best part is that a year of picking apart all my idiosyncrasies and issues with a therapist has given me the knowledge and insight to be able to pick apart the mental freakiness of others. And let me tell you this email was filled with all sorts of very interesting and telling things to pick apart. Veeeeery interesting. And that made it all the funnier.

Growing up so rocks.

Plan B for Total BUMMER

Um…let’s just say I have been dreading writing this post. It has not been the best week and nothing happened the way I had hoped and, frankly, the way it was supposed to, DAMMIT.

Nothing at all.

Lulu did not work out. Or maybe I should rephrase that. Lulu worked out great. Yoshi stopped working all together.

Yoshi had, what I believe to be, a total feline nervous breakdown.

Now I know what many of you are thinking. Kranki, you total DUMBASS!!! Didn’t you think ahead about this? Didn’t you think this might happen?

I have to be honest with you. I thought about this a great deal and I thought up a whole bunch worse case scenarios but never dreamed what actually happened would happen. It never occurred to me. Obviously, if it had entered my mind I never would have brought a dog into my home. I'd seen Yoshi around dogs but obviously none had ever stayed for a sleepover.

This is what I imagined might happen with Yoshi:

-hissing
-growling
-yowling
-spitting
-swiping with paws-nails extended-possible bloodshed
-retaliatory peeing or pooping in favourite shoes/on bed/on dining room table
-moody self absorption and angst
-shunning of mommy love
-acting out and general bad behavior

What actually occurred with Yoshi:

-hissing
-growling
-yowling
-spitting
-swiping with paws-uncertain of nail position
-shunning of momma love
-COMPLETE CESSATION OF EATING FOR 4 DAYS!!
-COMPLETE CESSATION OF WATER CONSUMPTION FOR 4 DAYS!!
-PERSISTENT VOMITING LEADING TO TOTAL DEHYDRATION!!
-RIPPING OUT OF OWN FUR!!
-BITING WHEN TOUCHED!!!
-NO LONGER CLEANING HERSELF!!

By the time Thursday came along Yoshi was noticeably thinner, completely dehydrated, too weak to jump out of the dog’s reach, listless and looking really rough. I thought I’d have to take her to the vet which would have freaked her even more. It was really terrible.

I talked with a friend of mine who, while not a vet, bred and showed Persian cats for years as well as ran a boarding cattery. She said that all the above behaviors were not dangerous except for the vomiting part. Dehydration is very dangerous. Yoshi was barfing several times a day and I just didn’t know where it was all coming from because her food was completely untouched. She suggested I take Yoshi to the vet and get her put on tranqs. Another friend mentioned Prozac. The lady at the shelter where I got Lulu said I should just keep the cat in my bedroom from now on.

None of these were an option because until I brought a dog into the house Yoshi was perfectly fine. A little insane, yes, but overall quite fine. This was not her fault in any way and I wasn’t going to make her pay for my mistake. And it wasn’t Lulu’s either as she had been a perfect citizen in my home all along.

This was all my fault. And I felt like shit and continue to do so.

So that Thursday I took Lulu to my friend’s house who not only has a dog of her own but also dog-sits another small dog everyday. Yoshi started drinking later that day and started cleaning herself which I thought was a good sign. She continues to be super jumpy with any sudden movements or sudden noises. She no longer meets me at the door when I come home because she is afraid there might be a dog attached to me. She is eating roughly twice her usual amount and is putting weight back on again. She is doing fine.

Lulu is having a blast at my friend’s house. She is way more outgoing, happy and is very much in love with my friend’s dog. The shelter where I got Lulu is working to re-home her up here in Vancouver and I am helping with that. They are not angry with me as when I adopted Lulu I voiced my concerns about how Yoshi would cope and they were happy to give me a trial period to see what would happen. They just want the best home for Lulu too and obviously my home is not the right one.

But I REALLY wish it was because I just LOVE that dog.

So while I often sit and think about ways I could make it work I know deep down it isn’t going to. Maybe if I had a much bigger place where I could give one level to the cat and one to the dog it might be ok. But I don’t. I have a small apartment and we all have to live together.

So I fucked up. I made a huge mistake. I know, I know…I suck.

The Cutest and Sweetest Dog EVER!!!

The Jerk and Her Death Stare of Doggy Hatred

Operation Dog Adopter went off without a hitch. I present to you…LULU!!!!

THE EARS!!!!

This dog is the most mellow and sweet dog I have ever met. There is yet to be any barking and she is most happy sleeping. She is about 1 1/2 years old and we figure there is Chihuahua, Dachshund and maybe some Jack Russell in her. Poor thing was relegated to an outdoor kennel with her brother in her previous life so doesn’t really know how to walk on a leash or even sit. She doesn’t even know the word, “Treat!” However, she can play a mean game of fetch. When returning with the ball she often stops halfway and “dribbles” the ball between her front paws until she reaches you. So far she has been very intuitive about what I want her to do. She leaves the cat alone and has started playing with her toys and sleeping in her crate even though she didn’t show much interest in them yesterday. She used to eat out of a communal food bowl at the shelter so now she delicately takes a few pieces of kibble in her mouth and carries them to the dining room about 4 feet away where she eats them. I guess she didn’t like the insanity of the feeding frenzy and developed a peaceful way to eat. She has a little nick out of one of her ears due to getting frostbite in the sad unheated kennel in her old life. Every time I see it I get livid. Poor thing. She is also somewhat underweight. Despite her lonely life so far she is very submissive and eager to please. She loves to snuggle up and prop her head on my lap for snoozes. She is shy around new people but warms up almost instantly with some petting and scratches behind the ears. She is also a little nervous in the elevator and sits right between my feet for comfort. So far she is a lovely pooch.

The Very First Meeting

Cuddles

And Kisses

And how is Yoshi doing? Well…yesterday she acted scared and curious. Her tail was often fluffy but she circled Lulu like a shark trying to figure out what was going on. This behavior has now turned into outright hostility and Yoshi howls, growls and yeowls along with lots of hissing whenever the dog so much as looks at her. Yet she doesn’t seem scared. She just seems pissed now. But not pissed enough to not eat all the tuna I am feeding her or not watch the dog incessantly or not play with her Q-tips.

Lulu The Angel-By Michelle Davidson (who came with me on the adoption trip)

Right now Yoshi is in her Snoozen Housen while Lulu is in her Lulu Housen. So yes, I feel guilty as hell about Yoshi but it has been less than 24 hours and so far no bloodshed or poop gifties in my shoes. I think it’ll work out just fine.

Poochie Lulu

Well, today is my birthday. I am 38 years old. And a scary indication of how old I am getting is that I forgot for about the first 30 minutes of the day that it was anything but a boring old Thursday. Forgetting my phone number and sitting in McDonalds nursing a single coffee for 6 hours is surely not far behind.

I spent my day primarily on the road running errands. Not just boring old errands like picking up dry cleaning or buying oven cleaner. We are talking about fun errands like buying rubber and squeaky toys and wildly trendy and appropriately expensive puppy-yuppy supplies for my soon to arrive new urban pooch.

Nine years ago I was given a fabulous gift for my birthday. I got Yoshi. Not actually on the day but a few months later once she had got her shit together and was born and weaned. I think it was mid May when I brought her home. And I have been firmly under her paw ever since.

So on Sunday I am driving down to Washington State to pick up Lulu. My birthday gift to myself. She is a whole lot of something including possibly dachshund and who knows what else. Frankly, she looks like she has been assembled from spare dog parts.

I love her already.

Wildly emotional and excessively soppy photo essay to come on Monday.