Life in the Slow Lane

Life in the Slow Lane

Monday, September 01, 2008

How Smelly Is He?

There is something wrong with the kitten. Nothing obvious. To the casual observer he is a regular kitten doing regular kitten things like attacking his tail, being bad and looking cute. However, if you are unlucky enough to be around him for any length of time you will soon come to realize that something dark is brewing in the bowels of his being. Literally. This kitten stinks. He emits such revolting odoriferous clouds of funk playing with him becomes an exercise in gag reflex control. Cleaning his litter box of his rank deposits is not so much a kindness to him but a desire to breathe in my own home.

If his smell was a book it would be War and Peace-The Director's Cut. If his stink was a biblical reference it would be the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse pulling a manure cart. If his stench was a person it would be Hitler with hemorrhoids. If his inner essence was a sandwich it would be Ebola on Rye. His farts could be classified as weapons of mass destruction. The US will be bombing my living room next. And rightly so. I should be charged an environmental fine for illegal emissions. Brain cells die upon inhalation.

He is eating well and getting very high quality food. He's been wormed twice at appropriate intervals. Clearly, I need to get him to a vet for some antibiotics. Maybe he has food allergies.

Next logical step is an exorcism by a qualified priest.



Looks sweet. Smells like a bloated corpse.

14 comments:

JP said...

Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you?

Smelly cat, smelly cat, it's not your fault!

=)

Anonymous said...

i am betting it is the food....

have you tried a different brand or flavor?

is he getting wet food as well?

dag/tu

Squirl said...

How could such a sweet, innocent face be a front for such horrific stench? Ha ha, don't answer that. I know that sweet kittehs can has baaaad stink. He is a boy, too. You know how they like to be gross.

Ern said...

He may stink, but his EYES, his eyes match your furniture!

Anonymous said...

How is Yoshi doing? Please update.

Ellen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mrtl said...

great analogies! :)

alan said...

May a change of food clear the air and may the brain cells be part of those we never use...

alan

eclectic said...

Poor widdle smelly cat!! He's embarrassed, you can just tell.

lawyerchik said...

Poor ... um ... kitty (OK, poor Kranki and Yoshi!) Did the vet offer any suggestions? Let me rephrase: did the vet offer any USEFUL/HELPFUL suggestions?

Keep us updated.

Squirl said...

Been to the vet yet? Hope they can do something for him. For your sake, too. :-)

alan said...

Hopefully you and Baby Blue Eyes are doing better now (or you've been to a surplus store for a gas mask...)

alan

Jeannette said...

But he doesn't look stinky. What a cute kitty! Maybe it is the switch in food or the Canadian drinking water....who knows...
(You did get him across the border, right?)

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to read that your cat has some digestive issues (a horribly inadequate euphemism - I'm sure). Have you tried giving the poor guy some probiotics? Our two dogs go through similar stuff and we've found that probiotics help. There's a brand that can be purchased in Vancouver that we've found especially helpfull: Wysong's Pet Inoculant (from True Carnivores). In any case it won't hurt...

Also, if you are interested in a holistic vet that comes highly recommended, please contact Dr. Richard Calland @ 604-418.6839 (Veterinary Consulting Services).

Hope this helped & good luck!