Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-Scary New Smells

We're moving on up!
To the top!
To that deluxe apartment in the sky!

I am packing up Yoshi and moving out of my Hovel From Hell. I got the great news yesterday that I have been accepted as a tenant in a brand new artists’ building in a very fancy part of town I normally could never afford to live in. My new pad is about 40% larger with a proper kitchen and I even have closets and storage. I also have a balcony with a lovely view of all the boats in the marina. Can you imagine the difference between a brand spanking new architectural wonder and the 100 year old firetrap I have been living in over the last six years? A sparkly clean never been used before kitchen and bathroom -I am feeling all tingly about that part too. It is a concrete building which means I can actually experience the sensation of soundproofing and will no longer be woken every morning at 5:15 am by the sound of my upstairs neighbour pissing. No more wild parties and thundering video games from the frat boys downstairs. No more laziness and passive aggressive behavior from the caretaker, The Reign Of Terry. No more raccoons pooping on my fire escape.

I will admit I will miss the Ol’ Dumpster a little bit as I have made it my own with funky paint colours and a collection of perfectly fitting eclectic furniture. My future walls are beige. The carpets are beige. But I have in-suite laundry so I can suffer through. It is a little sad as my next-door neighbour/friend and I have been working on the front yard adding flowers and shrubs and many an hour has been spent out there pulling weeds and cutting back out-of-control foliage. It was just starting to look nice and we would get compliments from passer-by every time we were out there. There will be no more bitchy gossip sessions about how we are going to take over the house and make it a clean and fabulous place we know it could be.

Honestly, I gave up. I am sick of being embarrassed to have people over. I am sick of eating off my coffee table and not having the room for craft projects or having dinner guests or even falling into my furniture when doing yoga. I hate the shoddy hallways and dirty front porch and filthy carpets. I loathe the cottage cheese textured walls and ceilings. My new place is all smooth and clean and fresh.

I am also nice and high up on the 6^th floor away from car exhaust and noise. My fridge is full sized and I have a proper stove and oven. My bathroom will actually be in my apartment. I don’t have to share a bathroom but mine is located across the hall right now in this weird and ancient house. How many times have I been caught out in my PJs by my neighbours when dashing to the loo or with spikey wet hair fresh from the shower? So many times I am not really even embarrassed any more when it happens.

I no longer will be blowing fuses when I use two appliances at once. I am now a grown up.