Life in the Slow Lane

Life in the Slow Lane

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

The Scoop, The Poop, The Skinny, The 411

Well, it is official. I go in for my surgery next Tuesday November 28th. Needless to say I am shitting myself, because, HELLO!, surgery but also because I have to think about getting all my holiday shopping figured out and done before I go in. I am totally uncertain if I will be up to shopping at all before the 25th. People are going to be getting some boring ass gifties this year. If I can'’t order it online then it is either going to be something out of my own closet or made up from surgical gauze and tape.

I am wondering if I should put up my Tree of Seasonal Angst early this year or if that is simply TOO MUCH SEASONALITY for November and just get my parents to put it up for me closer to the big day. I have thoughts of Christmas cards and stocking stuffers and holiday baking when all I should be thinking about is such fanciful things as America'’s Next Top Model. These thoughts are just TOO SOON!

What to do, what to do…

Did I mention that due to very strong winds and rain last week there was a series of mudslides which has caused my city's drinking water supply to become contaminated with such things like dirt and raccoon poop and pine needles? This is called turbidity. What it should be called is turditity because that is what the water looks like. Shit. So we've been on a boil water advisory since last Thursday. I am constantly forgetting and mindlessly rinsing my toothbrush under the tap only to have to boil it to sterilize it yet again. I was afraid to shower in this gunk with my compromised boob and got pretty manky there for a couple days. Germ fears overrode my sense of common olfactory decency. I have been assured that the water will not cause infection and I smell moderately better for it. Apparently it will only give you the runs if you swallow it. It also seems to be giving my hair more body and lift.

Yoshi has also developed a sniffle over the last couple of days. She is sneezing a lot which I have noticed, when she jumps onto my lap, causes her to be covered in a fine mist of her own spit.

An update on the whole Autumn debacle-I have The Shelves back in my possession. She still wants them and assured me she will be getting in touch with me this week when she has the cash. Yeah, right... I plan to be too busy to return her calls. I plan to never sell her those shelves. I plan to avoid her like the plague. Let's just see how she feels when the roles are reversed. *shiver*

The good times; they are a'’ rolling.


happy and blue 2 said...

Hope the surgery goes well and you are back to showering in sewer water in no time..

Maybe if you gave Autumn some cash she could pick up Christmas presents for you, ha,ha..

Von Krankipantzen said...

HAPPY AND BLUE2-I love the way you can weave the post content into a very funny comment.

stampydurst said...

Today, I took Hooch out for a walk around our new neighborhood. As we turned the corner, we came upon a trail of q-tips strewn along the sidewalk. All I could think was, "the epidemic has headed south - the cats in my neighborhood are hooked."

Best of luck on the surgery!

kalki said...

Holy Jesus, I'd forgotten about your Tree of Seasonal Angst. Crack me up. And 'turditity' made me laugh out loud. As did your hair having more body and lift. But then, I suppose that makes sense, what with all the extra nutrients and all.

You'll be in my thoughts hardcore on Tuesday. (Not hardcore as in porn, but hardcore as in A LOT. And, okay, perhaps a little porny, too.)

hemlock said...

"fine mist of her own spit."

What a great visual.

I'm sure no one is too worried about the Christmas presents Kranki. Just take care of yourself and get all healed up!!!

LadyBug said...

I would LOVE to see photos of the gifts you create out of gauze and surgical tape. Hee!

Madame D said...

Ew, I'm sorry your water is all nastied up. Though I'm glad you can still shower. Showering is our gift to others.
I REALLY hope your surgery goes well! I agree with Kalki-because really, aren't all thoughts that deal with boobs eventually going to get a little porny?

Nerdgirl said...

Christmas, Schmistmas, don't worry about all that nonsense, just focus on being kick ass healthy after your surgery.

Sending good luck and positive vibes across the pond as I type.

Just think of the surgery as your last lap in some kind of evil cancer event, 'tis nearly over sweeite.


Alli said...

there's no kinda holiday like a raw sewage holiday, so I'll keep my fingers crossed that you get such!

Sorry about the poop.

headless cat said...

hi kranki - i really hope everything goes well on tues - what was the desicion in the end - one or two ops??

i think the best ch'mas present your friends and family want will be you feeling better and all nicely healed!!

(did autumn have her "surgery" yet?? shes one deluded person..)

Squirl said...

Online shopping works just fine. I'm sure everyone will understand. Good luck with your water situation.

Thanks for linking back to your Seasonal Tree of Angst.

eclectic said...

Well, Autumn's gift is easy. I mean... we know she wants shelves. Now, for everyone else, there's mastercard.

Good luck with everything, Kranki. I'll be showering you with good thoughts. Sorry, no turdidity. ;)

whfropera said...

I am laughing too much to comment.

east village idiot said...

Kranki - you're going to be just fine. after this surgery i think you should pampered for three weeks straight.

JP said...

Kranki, hope everything goes well. I'm sure you'll kick ass again through the surgery! Best wishes and prayers to ya'!

Nasty water dealy. I guess a Brita or Pur filter wouldn't do much for that eh?

Autumn=AAAARRRRRRGGGHHH. I'll send you a JP Boot o' Matic device ASAP.

Jeannette said...

Wow, I'm just catching up and I'm so sorry to hear about your compromised boob, murky water, and flaky neighbor (and likley in that order). Yikes! I am so sorry about your upcoming surgery. I know how it feels to just want to be done with all this crap and it seems like the reconstruction takes twice as long as the actual cancer fighting part. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you and good thoughts flowing all day long and for the days of recovery after.

Most importantly, I want you to know that I think you have your head screwed on much tighter than you give yourself credit. Trust your heart . . .the rest will follow. Take care my friend.