Life in the Slow Lane

Life in the Slow Lane

Monday, January 16, 2006

7 Sleeps 'Til The Knife

One week from today I go in for my bilateral mastectomy. I am freaking out. Very scared and nervous and scared and scared. Did I mention I was scared? Very.

I remember all too well going for surgery to have my lumpectomy last March and it honestly just wasn’t too bad as far as pain or discomfort. In fact the nurse pretty much had to force me to take a Tylenol as they just didn’t believe that it didn’t hurt. It didn’t. But they wouldn’t let me leave without painkillers in my system. What is freaking me out is how strange and scary it is when they put that mask over your face to knock you out. Talk about a total lack of control. And I get all squeamish thinking about what they are going to do to me while I am under. Waking up is also very disorienting and strange. I hate those feelings. This is what is scaring me the most.

I am nervous about how I am going to handle looking down on my chest and seeing no breasts there anymore. My nipples will be gone too. HOLY SHIT! All you ladies think about that for a minute. Imagine those things that have been front and centre and the cause of all that attention over the years being cut off your body. Scary. The reconstruction process is a long one and it will be several months before I get my implants and new nipples. And those new bits will look nothing like the old ones. The ones I have had my whole life will be long gone never to return. My new breasts will be fake and have a big scar across them. They will be numb. They will be very different. I just don’t know how I am going to feel about it. Or handle it. Or accept it.

I met with my plastic surgeon on Friday and got a lot of information about what I have to expect. The last time I met him, which was also the first time, I was fresh from my last chemo and fairly out of it. So I am sure he told me a lot of information then but I don’t really remember it. First of all I thought that I would get this surgery done and have tissue expanders put in to stretch my skin to accommodate implants. That is exactly what is going to happen. I remember him saying that I would have those expanders in for 6-8 weeks and then the implants would be put in. I was TOTALLY wrong. The expanders will be in for 6-8 months. MONTHS!!! This whole procedure is going to take freakin’ forever. That means all summer I have weird lumpy things on my chest. I guess my cute sun tops will be put in storage for yet another year. Apparently these tissue expanders cause discomfort. By that he means hurt. A lot. Apparently I will have a standing prescription for Tylenol 3’s at the pharmacy. Fabulous.

I asked if I could pick my implant size and he said no. I can basically expect to have hoots about the same size I have now. Meaning an A. Or small B depending on the bra. My radiated skin just won’t stretch that much. I am so disappointed. I had consoled myself a great deal by saying that at least I will get a bigger bust out of the whole thing. Nope. I don’t even get that. Savage bummer.

The only remotely good thing I can find right now out of this whole scenario is that my surgeon is very cute and I get to see him on the regular after my surgery so he can inject my expanders with saline as we stretch my chest out. I totally embarrassed my mom at my first appointment with him. I asked if he used skin from the bikini line for nipple reconstruction. He said no, he doesn’t use that method. I said good because I don’t want to have to give my chest a brazilian wax. Ba-dum dum! That went over like a lead balloon. My mom cringed and he looked at me in total bewilderment. Oh boy! Can I charm them or what? This last appointment I tried to hide my shock and disappointment over my surgery news by cracking lame jokes and being all jovial and cavalier. Then I tried to flirt a little to make up for the Brazilian Debacle. I walked away feeling like an ass. Now I am afraid that I might say something about what a hottie he is while I come out of anesthesia. Shame spiral! Basically I am a train wreck. Oh god.

I have also been trying to train Yoshi not to jump up onto my chest when I am lying in bed as she is apt to do every night. She is such a good sport and walks onto my tummy now so cautiously as I repeat, “Careful of the boobies. Careful.” Her face is all concerned and cute and I just want to weep over her sweetness. She is such a good girl.

So be prepared for nervous mumblings and outright frightened outbursts on this blog for the next six days. The countdown is on!


Bill said...

De-lurking here. There are so many people pulling for you. You are so brave. You are in our thoughts.

Sharkey said...

I've been thinking about you the last few days, knowing that the date is fast approaching.

I can tell you all about the mastectomy part, but have no experience with the reconstruction. My mastectomy was much like your lumpectomy in terms of (lack of) pain and quick recovery. I had the surgery on a Friday and was in church Sunday morning.

For the record, my chestal region isn't numb. I still have nearly as much sensation as I did before, but it's really weird to feel hard ribs instead of soft tissue underneath it.

This whole cancer business is scary and no fun. It's difficult to look in the mirror that first time. But you're stronger than you know--you've made it 2/3 of the way, and you can do this too. Often, the anticipation is the worst part. Hang in there!

Brazilian Debacle . . . heh heh.

Jeannette said...

I know exactly how you feel on so many points here. I have some tips for you. I will email you so I don't take over your blog space. I will say I was shocked when I woke up from surgery at how I felt.i didn't anticipate that I would feel any differntly after surgery than I did going into it. Very stupid on my part. I will tell you this, I had surgery on a Thursday, came home on a Friday, took pain meds until Saturday. By Sunday I was doing well. I only needed pain meds once during the expansion (we went a little too far). You will get through this and you will be amazed at the body's ability to heal and your heart's ability to love yourself with or without breasts.

whfropera said...

vK - sending you an email. kisses to you and yoshi.

snaps79 said...

wow. wow.

talk about a journey, eh? you've kicked cancer's ass so far, though, and i don't see you stopping anytime soon.

i'd be mortified to lose my hooters. all of us women would be. right? you're a strong woman, krank, you've showed us that ever since we met you. keep taking it one day at a time.

abcd said...

You should know surgeons generally
have NO sense of humor! However I laughed at your jokes. I won't pretend that I know just how you feel. I think I have an understanding of your fears. I believe your strength will see you through this major event in your life. I hope you know that you have our support.


hemlock said...

I loved the Brazilian comment!

Humour will get you through this. I agree with everyone else who has commented. You have gotten through a lot of it, now just the final bits.

I'll be thinking about you.

Nessa said...

I don't know what to say and I know that, really, anything I do say will just suck because I'm not there and I don't know what you're really going through and I'm so very sorry. Just know that I (and thousands of others) are pulling for you and praying for you and admiring you from afar. I know I hate it when people tell me I'm so strong, because sometimes I just wanna be weak and have someone hold me and let me cry. However, I'm here to tell you that YOU ARE STRONG and beautiful and you will come through this with flying colors and many years on your life to look back and say "remember when..."

P.S. a Brazilian on the boobies would really suck!!! :)

Clandestine said...

be brave and know that there are lots of strangers out here in the world rootin' for ya!

Divine Calm said...

Gosh, I thought your joke was hilarious.

Sweety-BIG HUGS to you and Yoshi.

fueltank said...

We thought it was funny. Surgeons, as noted, as particularly humourless, exceeded only by psychiatrists for their ability to look at you and make you feel that nothing you know is quite right.

Vox Pop Become A Pagan

Amanda B. said...

I'm sorry you have to go through this honey. I'm thinking about you and saying some prayers and doing a monkey dance.

Closet Metro said...

I'm an ass man. You're still a total hottie in my book.

(Yeah, it's all about me.)

(Because I'm a self centered ass man. Or just an ass.)

(sending hugs and ass-gropes in your general direction.)

word verification: ttasmlx (which I'm pretty sure is short for "titty ass man lover... x")

happyandblue2 said...

Everything will work out ok..

laura said...

I predict that you will be one of these wonderful women who have already commented, consoling somebody new about their surgery, one year from now. You'll be talking about how scared you were, and how it was much better than you expected, and how everything is fine now. It will be fine.

Susie said...

First, the Brazilian thing cracked me up. I'm glad you posted this. You've been on my mind constantly. I don't know if you came back over after I replied to commenters on my birthday, but what I said was, when they scheduled my procedure for 1/23, I opened my mouth to say I couldn't do it then, because my friend was having surgery. I have SO been wondering if you're anxious and scared. Well, of course you are, because you're not a freakin' idiot. I've had one big surgery with general anesthesia. Once they get started, you go "out" very quickly, there's really not time to panic. I remember the eyes of the doc who held my hand, I remember her brown eyes above the mask, and her holding my hand because she could see how scared I was as I went under. I pray that you will be surrounded by such kindness, and peace, and love, and will relax into the process and wake up well and without having propositioned any cute docs. (Unless they take you up on the propositions, and then, it's all good.) Getting to know you, spending time with you, these past many months, has been such a joy. You are a gift to all of us, and I am so looking forward to the next chapter for you. OK, maybe "they " won't be big. But they'll never drop to your waist like the rest of us have to deal with, right?
So they've told you what to expect. Like Closet Metro the Ass Man, I am all about me, too. So what can WE expect? How long will you be away in the hospital. How long before you type to us again?
Please keep talking to us. And know how very, very much you are loved. It's the beginning of the beginning, girl.

abcd said...

Where do I begin-I am at Nikki's
using her computer so maybe I can be profound and medical. I think
everyone has said pretty much what I would think. I say bring on your fears, and ramblings for the next weeks, and months. I have had lots of practice with fears. Sarah would get very scared and call us in the middle of the night. I also
agree with the person who said it's all about the rear end as my
husband says!!!


Twisteduterus said...

you will come through it all victorious....cause you are you.

laughing helps too--and the jokes youmade withthe cutie doc were funny, perhaps he is a little slow in the humor department.

Squirl said...

Well your sense of humor certainly doesn't need surgery. That doc had his surgically removed I'm sure.

What more can I add to what everyone else has already said? You're mostly through this, you're a strong person, a year from now you'll know that the fears were just that. I hope you're still up to crushing Yoshi's head, even if you don't always feel up to telling us about it.

We love you, we're thinking about you, and waiting for you to be back blogging with the rest of us. :-)

LeaLea said...

Nothing I type seems worthy..but I wanted to tell you that I am reading and don't always get time to comment- though you have always been in my prayers..I know this is a big deal coming up for you..I too think you should at least be allowed to have bigger boobs for all that you're going through..!!
thoughts are with you and i will keep checking back to see how you are doing-
hugs and prayers,

lilinoe said...


when my mom had her expanders she said it wasn't too painful, just a little sore. she was PUMPED about getting her new nip, though! after they formed the nub, the plastic surgeon made her wear a little nipple hat to make sure the skin healed in the proper shape...and then she got her areola TATTOO!
she asked the tattoo-artist if she had to get a regular nipple done or if she could get, say, a rose (!) and the artist told her she'd done just about anything you could imagine... roses, initials, anchors, celtic knots, kanji, etc. mom decided to just get the regular areola tattoo, but she still likes shocking people by telling them she has a tat that she can't show them!

i'm thinking good thoughts for you, and you know what? forget those worries about hitting on your hot doc under anesthesia...hit on him sober!

<3 best of luck, vK!

eclectic said...

Yeah!! What they said!! Only MORE!!

You're hilarious, and you're brave, and you're smart, and you have a nice ass! You just dump right here whatever fear, angst, uncertainty or anything else you feel, and we'll diffuse it for you. We WANT to help, and we're here.

mrtl said...

Oh, Kranki, it so sucks that you aren't getting bigger hoots out of all this.

Thanks for writing this. I'm sending you big hugs.

Anonymous said...

Well, I'm new hear and you can thank those lovely girlies at SWLF for that! I will be sending all my positive vibes your way this week and beyond. You are very brave! Peace.

SassyFemme said...

{{{{{Kranki}}}}} Hey, I cracked up at the Brazilian thing!

JessicaRabbit said...

I emailed you.


Dima said...

Hugs and kisses to you Kranki! You're in my thoughts! And hey, you get a cute doctor, how cool is that? I'm sure everything will be fine soon!

Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Sheesh, I am guilty of not stopping by in 2.9 million years. What we have here is just too darn many good blogs to visit.

Kranki my thoughts are with you. As a kiddo, I watched (well, the affects of, not the actual procedure, you know) as my mother had her left breast remove. I'm an old geezer now...and she's still here. Tucked in the following post link is something I wrote for her and had it framed for her. It still hangs in the hall where I grew up and where the folks still live:

Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Your surgeon needs to get a sense of humor implanted, perhaps from HIS bikini area. Come on, the Brazilian thing is FUNNY!

Damn! I'd have been hopin' for a bigger rack, too. Maybe you could get some custom nipples? I vote for the kind like the FemBots in Austin Powers had, with smoke that shoots out of your jumblies.

You'll have lots of us Internet weirdos thinkin' about you and your boobs, Kranki. We are a bunch of strange mofos, but we love you tons and tons.

Precisiongirl said...

You are an uber brave lady Krank!

You've come so far, and there's just a bit more to go now. I'm sure your new breasts will be lovely, depsite the fact they won't be massive hooters like you anticipated.

I'll have a drink for you on Monday! (my buffday)


east village idiot said...

Hi Kranki -

Thank you for sharing your deeply profound post with us - - I mean that with all my heart.

I wish I could just give you a huge hug and cry with you in person. The most difficult and scarey thing in the world is to sacrifice who were are for who we can become. It means going to a place you're not familiar with - in a body you're not familiar with. You've put so much thought into this move. Have faith in your intuition about yourself.

Kranki - I've seen pictures of you and you're very beautiful. After this procedure you will still be very beautiful for a long long long long time. Please know I'm with you in spirit. Somehow I hope you can feel the loving embrace of all your bloggy friends.

Love, Easty

abcd said...

Another distracting thought for you.

a pack of gum-1.00
a cd-15.00
friends and cancer free-priceless


Anonymous said...

Hi Krank.

YOU are going to be as brave and sharp as you have been through this whole ordeal. After all, it is you who has been making cancer sexy since February, 2005. That's almost a whole year of cancer sexification (eww, that's kind of sick).

I'll share with you my "going under the knife" memories.................................................. and then I woke up.

Seriously. I don't remember getting put out. They told me they'd just give me a little something something to relax me.

And coming out of anesthesia, I felt great, kind of like new years eve 1988 or 1987 I think it was? Really loopy and funny and squishy.

Nice, actually. But when it wore off, I puked in a barf bag. that is all.

Hang on. It's all going to go well because you will make it so. Be scared. It's OK. Some people pay money to be scared. And then the scary goes away.

And, despite the bummer about the same size breast issue, you have much more going for you than just your boobies. Really.

Love love love and positive vibes your way,

Mrs. B

Anonymous said...

Jeesh, don't all these nice comments make you want to cry? They sure do me! I'm delurking to let you know that I ditto what everyone else said! I'm an angsty person too so I think I understand your feelings, but it's good to get that angstiness out so you're not taking the whole burden yourself. My thoughts are with you Kranki! BTW, Your joke to the surgeon had me snortin'. I love me a good snort!

Kassi said...

You rock! That is all.

jenny said...

Came here via Eclectic to wish you well w/ the surgery and all that follows. And for what it's worth, I totally would've laughed at your bikini-wax joke... a sense of humor is so essential! Take care!

Nina said...

Sending a lot of thoughts your way . . .
Knowing that fear is normal, but wishing you the least amount possible.

I am a Milliner's Dream, a woman of many "hats"... said...

I continue to marvel at your bravery--dealing with all of this AND your so generously sharing your experiences. You never know who is reading and being helped.


SoozieQ said...

I will send you every bit of "good vibes" that I can muster up....from the tip of my head to the bottom of my toes.

I think the insight you're providing to others about your ordeal is phenomenal. Thank you for sharing and by sharing I think you've found some really insightful and loving people who care an awful lot about you (and who also think Yoshi is the cutest smoochy head kitty in the world!)

I will be thinking about you on your big day and many, MANY days, weeks, months thereafter.

Take care and HANG IN THERE!!!!

lawbrat said...

Sending prayers,good thoughts, and vibes. Everyone else has said it very well.

Brazillian wax...hysterical!

Momentarily_Distracted said...

Sending every ounce of well-wishes and good vibes your way.
I loved the Brazillian wax story.
If it makes you feel any better about the doctor's stonefaced look, he's probably not 'allowed' to laugh in fear of being unprofessional; chances are, as soon as you left, he probably thought about what you said and busted a gut. You never know...:o)

zuhn said...

Eclectic sent me over to wish you well. Good luck with the surgery, I hope everything works out for you.

On the upside to all this, you'll have access to a morphine drip! And as for the new set of breasts, they'll be bigger and better than ever. (There's a line from "Weeds" by one of the characters who was diagnosed with breast cancer and pre-surgery she says, "I was thinking of going bigger, really big, like Freak Show big, 48 triple F's,
so other smaller breasts will want to orbit them".)

crabcake said...

You don't know me, kiddo, but you can add me to that list of people pulling for you.

Jim said...

Add me too. I'll be in your little 'burg in March...come join us at Milestone's for a Bellini!

debutaunt said...

I'm so glad I found you. I dig fellow cancer ass kicking chicks.

Much love to you, you cat head squashing woman.

You made me weep, but I know you can do this. Funny, smart chicks so rock it.

I'll be back!

Heidi said...

Add me to the list of many prayers , postive thoughts and hugs.

Deep and powerful entry and yet you made me LOL at the Brazillian Wax.

I'm here via Nikki ...And I'll be back for " positive updates ".

Hugs for you~

abcd said...

Madame Von Kranki:

I am like a gnat---buzzing around and bugging you. I think you should print all your comment's out. Take them with you when you go to that 5 star Hotel aka the Hospital and know we are with you.


JD's Rose said...

All the best for D-day... you will be ok... people like you always are. There is no other choice.


Anonymous said...

I also want to say that I am thinking of you and sending healing thoughts way up there to Vancouver from Atlanta. That sounds a little more new age-y than I like to get, but that's how I feel, like I'm just pushing good, loving thoughts up towards you to keep you warm and safe.

Anonymous said...


Here again to say "Hi". I'm thinking of you. I hate cancer. You will win. You will win. You will win. It's your new mantra. K?


Von Krankipantzen said...


BILL-thanks for de-lurking and thanks for your well wishes. Much appreciated.

SHARKEY-I have been thinking about you too. So glad to hear your recovery was easy. I hope mine will be too. That is great about a total return of sensation. My lumpectomy area is still numb and the nerves are weird. When I touch the front of my armpit I feel it in the back. Freaky!!!

JEANNETTE-Very happy to hear that the expansion part of the surgery was not too painful. I guess they count on a worse case scenario and prescibe painkillers for that. Sounds like your recovery was quick too. Such good news.

WHFROPERA-kisses much appreciated!

HOMEDETENTIONLADY-thanks! It is amazing how one can wrap their mind around the thought of losing their breasts. I guess when they turn on you and betray you like that turfing them is not so hard. It is not going to be easy though. Wow is a good way to explain it.

NIKKI-thanks for your support. I can tell you how much I appreciate it.

LEAFGIRL77-thanks for the kind thoughts. Well, I thought it was funny even if nobody else did. And I live for embarrassing my mom. That part was good.

NESSA-I have had a few good cries and I am sure I will again. Everybody gets bad stuff at some point in their lives and all you can do is the best you can. Thanks for all your support.

CLANDESTINE-the thought of all sorts of people I don't really know pulling for me is so overwhelming. In a good way. People are so cool.

DIVINE CALM-thanks. I am glad you found it funny even if my cute doc didn't. Thanks for the hugs too.

FUELTANK-you are so right about shrinks. That is exactly how they are.

AMANDA B-I'll totally take the prayers and monkey dance. Thanks. Give that Mokki a cuddle for me.

CLOSET METRO-and have I got an ass for you. I have ass for days. Weeks even. Thanks for the vote of confidence.

HAPPYANDBLUE2-yeah, I know it will. Thanks.

LAURA-I hope that one day I can pay forward all the support I have received here. I am one lucky girl.

SUSIE-I did see your reply to my comment and I will be thiking of you on Monday as well. What a pair. I am going to be honest about how scared I am and hope a lovely doc or nurse will hold my hand. I'll proposition them for sure then. Stay tuned for a post about what exactly I can expect to happen to me. Thanks, Susie, for your sweet words. I TOTALLY appreciate you and your kindnesses.

SHOSHIE-A big can is a sexy can! Thanks for everything. No midnight calls yet but I won't rule them out.

TWISTEDUTEROUS-well, he got my jokes at my last appointment so all is forgiven. Fortunately I am a big humour fan so I will be stocking up on that for my healing time.

SQUIRL-you are so right. I have got through so much I am almost done. Just got to focus on the light at the end of the tunnel. And you can bet I'll be back blogging before you know it.

LEALEA-thanks for commenting this time and continuing to drop by here. I appreciate all your good thoughts. And I look forward to seeing you here again soon.

ILINOE-yay! Another de-lurking! So much new information. Nipple hats!!?! How cool is that? I'll be posting a photo of that for sure. Glad your mom is doing ok and her experience wasn't too bad at all. Thanks!

ECLECTIC-thanks again for giving me such a nice shout out at your blog. Too sweet. And thanks for saying such nice things. *BLUSH*

MRTL-thanks for the hugs. And I am sending you hugs as well that your resting keeps little Frida happy.

TRACI-thanks for stopping by! And thank you for the positive vibes. Much appreciated.

SASSYFEMME-I am sooo glad you did. I was afraid I had really made a fool of myself. HUGS!

JESSICA RABBIT-thanks girlie!

DIMA-you are so sweet. Thanks!

MR. BLOGGERIFIC HIMSELF-so many blogs, so little time. Thanks for the link. I'll check it out tonight. Good to hear your mom is doing great.

BUCKYFOUREYES-Oooooooh. Good idea. Fembot nipples. Maybe ones that delicately pour out martinis. I am pretty non-violent.

PRECISIONGIRL-I'll have some painkillers for you on your birthday. I just hope my new hoots look good. Size really doesn't matter. ;-)

EASTY-thanks so much for such a kind comment. I am definitely getting the cyber hug from you. Thanks.

NIKKI-priceless, indeed!

MRS. B-the barfing thing grosses me out totally. I HATE barfing. Haven't done it yet after surgery and I hope that trend continues. The car ride home is brutal though.

ANON-these wonderful comments warm my heart. People are very good to me. Thanks for your positive thoughts.


JENNY-thanks for coming by. Thanks for the well wishes too.

NINA-thanks so much.

MILLINER'S DREAM-I can only hope somebody is helped from my blog. Thanks.

SOOZIEQ-that is a lot of good vibes. Excellent. Thanks so much.

LAWBRAT-and I'll thank you again for the good stuff coming my way.

MOMENTARILY_DISTRACTED-that is a good point. I hope he fond it funny afterwards. And thanks for the good wishes.

ZUHN-that is a very funny line. I will try to remember that for my doc. And painkillers really do rock.

CRABCAKE-mmmm-I love crabcakes...thanks for your good thoughts.

JIM-mmmmmm, MILESTONES. Email me when you are in town.

DEBUTAUNT-are you a fellow cancer chick? I will come check out yer blog.

HEIDI-so happy you dropped by. And thanks muchly for the good thoughts.

NIKKI-I have printed all 50 comments out and they equal 10 pages. And I will be taking them to the hospital. Good idea.

KYLZ-you are so right. I will be ok as there is no other option.

ANON-horaaay for well wishes from Atlanta! I'll take healing thought and whatever else you have to give! Thanks!

TRACI-that is absolutely be my new mantra. Thanks for coming back.

Pixie LaRouge said...

Thoughts and hugs and hysterical laughter over the Brazilian Debacle. Amazing how long and short a week is, ain't it?!

I can't imagine what you're going through, have gone through, physically and mentally. But damn I've been impressed by you, after reading back through your archives (only been hanging out here about three months-ish). You rock, woman!

Cindy said...

Best wishes and prayers are being sent your way.


kalki said...

Well, I happen to love your sense of humor!

I just want to give you a crushing hug, hon. I have had your surgery date on my calendar since you announced it and lately I've been looking at it, looming large. I wish I could be there to hold your hand. (Is that weird? Hell, I don't care.) I don't have any advice, except that you should fondle your breasts real good the next few days and then bid them a fond farewell. You will be beautiful without them and you will be better without them. (And as for the new ones - who says bigger is better, anyway? Nilbo always says anything more than a handful is a waste...)

Since I can't hold your hand, I'm wrapping my thoughts around you.

Udge said...

In the circumstances I think it is normal and natural to be crap-in-ones-pants scared. Big (careful, gentle) hugs from Germany, Kranki.

spoonleg said...

I blove you, girl. You're gonna do great! As you start falling asleep from the anesthesia, just start thinking of Hot Surgeon romping around with you in a field of dasies, ass naked. That way, the whole time during your surgery you'll be dreaming of his glistening, gorgeous hardbody and you'll wake up feeling GREAT. :)

I'm so proud of you... and nervous, scared, anxious and excited for you too! You and your milk caps are gonna be just fine!

Von Krankipantzen said...

PIXIE LAROUGE-thanks for the hugs and stuff. Yep! This has been the shortest week on record. The date is approaching all too quickly.

CINDY-thanks so much. Greatly appreciated.

KALKI-that is so sweet you have my surgery date all marked down. You are the best. I have been actually doing a lot of what you suggested. Fondling the boobs. I will miss them even if they betrayed me.

UDGE-thanks so much for the hugs. I have to keep reminding myself that it is normal to be scared. I keep on trying to stop myself.

SPOONLEG-my milkcaps and I thank you. That is a good idea. They usually tell you to think of good thoughts as you go out and I ususally think of Yoshi. Maybe a hardbody would be a better idea.

Nancy said...

Hi this is my first visit to your blog via Debutant. I enjoyed looking at your wardorbe of favorite is the Gilligans Island one!!! I will be thinking and praying for you for your upcoming surgery. Try not to worry about the whole Operating Room Scene, enjoy the DRUGS. tell they you are extremely nervous and they should fill you up with the good stuff.
I love the comment you made to the plastics doc.....he has no sense of humor. make it your mission to change him over the next months of meetings. you can do it. it will be fun to transform in to a fun doc. Good luck and i will be thinking and praying for you.
a new friend in your corner

Von Krankipantzen said...

WINROB-thanks for your well wishes. You are so right about the drugs. It is all about the drugs. And it should be fun to change the doc to a fun one as he is very cute.

Michele in Michigan said...

Thinking of you, sweetie! You are going to do FINE! I totally know your feelings. I was scared and a little sad to lose my hooters (although they'd looked great, they'd become my enemies). It was definitely strange to look at my chest for the first time. I couldn't believe how prominent my breastbone now looked with no boobage there.

In Michigan, they gave me great drugs for home--kept me very comfortable. After the 3rd day, I was able to get by with much less than the beginning. I felt like a new woman by the 7th-10th days.

Your sense of humor will sustain you. And the surgeon will most likely loosen up as time goes on. He'll get to know a little more of who you are since you'll be seeing him quite often over the next month.

My girlfriend wrote on her boobs before surgery "So long, girls!" She also put little stickers on her nipples. After surgery, the nurse told her that they had cracked up in the O.R.

Hugs, my friend

Greenthumb said...

Keeping you in my thoughts, sending you courage as best I can.

Use that wit to your best advantage. It will sustain you.'s okay to be scared, really. That's why we're all here, to tell you it's going to be okay and to let you know we'll still be here even when the knockers aren't. Damn them for their betrayal...damn them to hell.

Cristin said...

de-lurking again to say hi! , and hugs, but gently, to you today. The brazilian comment made me laugh out loud, and I had to make up a lame joke on the fly to tell my kiddo, as she demanded to know what was so funny!

Hang in Kranki

Julie said...

You hang in there. EVERYONE out here (lurkers or not) is pulling for you. Everything is going to be just fine.

Circus Kelli said...

Best wishes, happiness and prayers are being sent your way, Kranki.

Hang in there, lady. We blove you.

shellibells said...

Know that ONE.MORE.PERSON is thinking of you and I'm in your cheering squad.

My X fiance's mother went thru a masectomy after months of chemo and radiation at 56 years old. It was horrible to see her go thru that, and she had a lot of tough days, but she pulled thru and talks candidly about it today.

She had reconstructive surgery as well, and even though she knows and feels it's not the same, she does feel a sense of fulfillment having had it done.

This post apparantly caused a lot of seems!

Take care and I'll be praying for you!

Carol said...

I am so sorry you have to go through all of this!

Good luck, Kranki!! You have such a great attitude. I second Spoonies suggestion.... go with the hot doc vibe and don't worry about what he thinks. I'm sure he loves it.

I will be thinking of you and sending loving, healing vibes your way. Hang in there!

The Wrath of Dawn said...

You're in all our prayers, pet.

I thought the Brazilian wax comment was brilliant.

marybishop said...

Yet another de-lurker who thinks you are one witty, courageous person and a wonderful writer too.

I hope your doctor likes cats, I have a feeling he's going to fall in love with you over the saline injections!

(Found you from Metro)


Sissychong said...

Hi there, I came here thru metro. I hope all goes well with your surgery and recuperation. I can not fullt appreciate what must be going thru your mind, never having been in the situation myself, but I went thru it with my mother. She had a masectomy, due to breast cancer, and eventually reconstructive surgery as well. She went thru chemo and radiation and all sorts of other things. I can only tell you what I told her, "Stay strong, think positively, that is part of the battle as well. We are here for you, at least you are still here with us, things could be worse take one day at a time, don't be afraid to lean on the ones you love and that love you. I wish you well.