Life in the Slow Lane

Life in the Slow Lane

Tuesday, January 10, 2006


*Big Sigh*

What a wild couple of days. I had a slight bump in the road to deal with as I got a migraine from hell that lasted about 48 hours. Yeah. It sucked. But it is over now and I am up and about.

I probably could have done with a few more hours worth of snooze time but there is some shit going down at my hovel that interfered.

OK, I really don’t want to talk about it much as it is rather unpleasant and not nice but here it is. We, The Hovel, suddenly have mice.





Living in a 100 year old dump has its downsides. I want to move.

OK! Here is what is happened. Yesterday morning I was unconscious after ingesting a fantastic amount of codeine for my headache and sleeping the sleep of the heavily and happily drugged and SUDDENLY Yoshi jumped up from her own daily coma to leap over me and dive behind the bed. I am talking about a stage type dive of intensity only possibly equaled by Kurt Cobain at an outdoor Nirvana concert. She was a cat with a mission. I heard meowing and scratching underneath my bed and then the cat burst out, ran like crazy and proceeded to stare intently at the bookcase in my hallway. At this time I had not seen anything but that cat was focused on that one area. I got my trusty umbrella and the wussy that I am I poked and prodded behind there and didn’t see, hear or find anything either. The cat remained “on duty” in that hallway for over 3 hours before I could tempt her away with treats. Obviously there was a mouse and we missed it. Now here is an indication of how poorly I was feeling. No, I did not vacuum the whole house as well as wash the floors with a toothbrush, wash Yoshi with fragrant yet antibacterial soaps, bathe myself half a dozen times, perform a voodoo cleansing ritual and check my cheese supply to see if had been breeched as I would normally do in that situation. No, I simply went right back to bed and right to sleep. I was totally out of it. Pain completely overrode revulsion.

Now I was aware there might be mice in the house as my upstairs neighbours had seen one a couple times in their place and I had heard scurrying behind the walls one night a few weeks back. I had indeed mentioned this to my house caretaker and he said that he thought there was a mouse somewhere and not to worry about it. I did actually worry for a little bit but never saw or heard anything. I thought I might be immune to the problem because I am obsessively clean and anally tidy. In fact, once again I was feeling a little smug.

I should know I am about to get a karmic ass-kicking as soon as I feel smug.

So today I was sitting at my computer gingerly looking at some blogs and I hear this almighty scrabbling noise from my kitchen. Namely Yoshi freaking out over something. I looked over my shoulder to see Yoshi running from the kitchen with a mouse in her mouth! *shudder* She was running with a freaked out look on her face and the mouse’s tail was waving at me from her mouth. Then I proceeded to freak and ran after Yoshi yelling something along the lines of, “FUCKFUCKFUCKOHNOFUCKOHSHIT AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!” Yoshi then proceeded to run with the Wee Mousie INTO MY BEDROOM! My place where I get naked and vulnerable and exposed. And sleep too! I ran to see that Yoshi had let the mouse go and the damned thing was running for a foot or two only for Yoshi to catch it again. At this point I think I was yelling something along the lines of, “DROPITOHGODNODON’TDROPITOHNOOHSHIT!!” Basically being your garden variety pussy.

I am not afraid of mice as I could very well cuddle with this same mouse if I found it in a cage at the pet store but fast running wild mice that hang around unclean places have GERMS and might be icky. They also might bite.

I ran over to my next door neighbour who is not afraid of rodents. Her freak out is spiders. We all have our issues. It turns out her cats had caught and killed four mice the previous day. So she came over and we found that Yoshi had lost the mouse and was staring at my little shelf that holds all my beauty crap. So we moved all that stuff aside while the cat was howling and found a teensy tiny Wee Mousie in the corner totally terrified. My neighbour got a pen and a box (exterminator tools of the trade) and she coaxed the little critter into the box. Can you see a change in tone here? While a mouse is running free in my place I am freaking out but once it is safely stowed in a container my soft side comes out and I get all teary and mushy and stuff.

We let the mouse go in the alley. It was just so little and cute and tiny. And now out of my apartment. I named it Frank. Frank is free now.

So now Yoshi is the BIG MOUSER and got tuna for dinner. I have to admit I am a little hesitant to let her lick me with that same mouth that cradled the mousie though. No more kisses! I have anthropomorphized her so much seeing her with that mouse in her jaws was as horrifying to me as it would be seeing your toddler with a mouse in his or her pie hole. But I am very proud of her. She is no longer my sweet and lazy cat but a predator with hunting skills and blood thirst. Well, maybe not the thirst as Yoshi is normally so gentle with the stuff she catches. She will carry a moth around the house in her mouth and deposit it here and there to play with only to carry it somewhere else. She never kills them. I don’t think she would have killed the mouse today. Just hung out with it for a while.

We are both big softies.


Precisiongirl said...

Wow! Brave girl Yoshi for protecting her mama from the bad mouse. Hope the word about Yoshi gets out and about in your local rodent community so that you can stay critter free from now on.

abcd said...

Thank the stars Yoshi can protect you from the mice. Sorry to hear
you had a migraine. Hope that's the end of the mouse parade and
the migraines.

We are all thinking of you.

Nikki and the Girls

hemlock said...

Mice are funny that way. They're cute when they're in a cage, but when they're running around your out!

In an apartment I had a few years ago, we had two mice move in when it started to get cold outside. It's amazing how you can turn into a big wuss as soon as little rodents are running around!!

And might I say, good work Yoshi!

happyandblue2 said...

Yuck. I can't stand mice although Frank sounds like a reasonably nice mouse..

Candy said...

We had mice inside once, for about a week. With two cats, they didn't stand a chance. Kiki, the older and more experienced, showed up with his prize in his mouth every morning for about a week.

I would chase him to get it away from him, screaming much like you did! Finally, I found that if I took a big blanket and threw it over both cat AND mouse, Kiki would stop running, at which point, I could get him to drop the mouse UNDER the blanket. Then I could take the blanket in its entirety and drop mouse out of doors. Thus, no transmission of germs, just a puzzled look on the cat's face. "Hey, where the fuck's my mouse?"

Amanda B. said...

Dude, I love mice. If I were there I would totally catch them for you.

Malia said...

Awww, I know how you feel. I have had pet gerbils, which are not mice, but still, and then when mice got into the house! Yipes!!! Of course the cat or dog always are very proud to show you what they have killed for you and the I feel so bad for the little critters.


whfropera said...

Linus is definitely a "one snap to the neck" type. I had mice during the winter just once in the 4 years I rented a house.
you need to know a mouse can fit through a hole as small as a ciggie butt, so its pretty hard to get rid of them.

whfropera said...

but once they figure out "feline predator" they will actually leave.

snaps79 said...

Kitty did the same thing a few months ago at my old place, and I screamed bloody fucking murder. He had the mouse in his mouth, and the mouse was SCREAMING - it was so awful. I flushed the mouse because it was half dead by the time Kitty got done with's a long, ugly story.

eclectic said...

Migraine = bad. Mouse indoors = bad. Very, very bad. But both simultaneously? OMG, Kranki -- where do I send the flowers?

Closet Metro said...

google is going to love you, using the words "fuck," "naked," "exposed," and "pussy" in the same post.

Von Krankipantzen said...

precisiongirl-I'd send a mousey telegram if I could. Stay away!!!

swlf-Nikki-two nasty things at the same time. Not fun. So far it has been a mouse free day.

leafgirl77-it is so weird. I do love the mousies but just not lurking about.

happyandblue2-Frank was very sweet and waaay more scared than I was. Poor thing.

candy-thanks for the tip. What a good idea. I have a blanket out just for that very reason now.

amanda b-dude. You are so welcome to catch them. I think now that I have seen how small and cute they are I won't freak out so much next time.

malia-yeah! I was so glad the Wee Mousie was ok and we were able to set it free. The cats next door were not so forgiving. Yoshi is a lover and not a fighter.

whfropera-the whole house is old and decrepit and full of holes. We are so fucked. GO LINUS!!!

home d l- I have heard about screaming mice and I was worried about that but I didn't hear anything. Thank GOD! It is an ugly thing.

eclectic-not a good combination at any time. I gave flowers to my neighbour for helping me out.

closet metro-that is soooo funny. I never thought of that. Excellent!

Dima said...

I want to get a cat even more now. I hope there are no rodents around these quarters. I would run away and let them have the house.
Yoshi and Frank = Tom and Jerry!

JessicaRabbit said...

Um you dont think she would of killed it?


Oh man, your very sweet. VERY sweet.

She would of killed it, after playing with it for as long as she wanted until she was bored. Then she would of brought it to you like, fix my toy mom. ahahaha

Killing a mouse wont make her sick, if she has her shots and you live up in the cold north, mice only carry plague in the deep hot south. At least these days thats the only place you find it.

Yoshi is one good girl. Roo catches them, eats all their feet and brings them to us, squashed. Their feet seem to offened him, I think its because his mouse toys from the store dont have feet. But then any mouse that comes into my house is obviously on a suicide mission...

stampydurst said...

Wow! Go Yoshi, Mouse Killer of the North. I lived in an old, converted house in Berkeley, California years ago which had this awesome 6 foot long claw footed tub. After I had been there for about a week, I decided to do the truly serious move in clean of the bathroom. I looked under the tub and there was something big and furry and dead. It wasn't stinky and had obviously been there for awhile. Let me interject at this point that I hadn't met my neighbors yet....

Well, I put on long pants, a sweatshirt (it was August), a hat, cowboy boots (those suckers can be ankle biters), a bandana over my nose and mouth (to protect from the plague, of course), and some dishwashing gloves. I got a big ole broomstick to sweep it out, but when I touched it, I thought I saw it move and ran screaming to knock on the door across the hallway.

The nice young gent who lived there was kind enough to sweep it out and dispose of it. He told me it was just a little mouse, but it looked like a rodent of unusual size to me. My bed frame hadn't arrived yet and my mattress was on the floor. Needless to say, I slept at a friends until the movers got there.

Don't get me wrong. I'm totally with you. If a living mouse who belonged to a friend was around, I'd say "aw, how cute". But that freaked me the fuck out.

Hope you are sleeping well. Just remember you've got Early Warning Yoshi on your side.

kalki said...

We get field mice on occasion and our cats have proven themselves to be completely useless. One time (and one time only) Bridget actually caught the mouse, but then she did NOT know what to do with it. So she would drop it, swat it, pick it up and run with it. And repeat. Never did kill it. It got away when she and the other two got distracted by a plastic toy ball.

fueltank said...

Hey Kid;

Mice, huh? We just had a wee mousie problem here in one of our apartments.

I got news for you. You HAVE to kill them. Dead dead dead. They come inside when it gets cool out. Your mouse is already back inside someone's place. Get the baddest shit you can get, posion 'em and get rid of them. If you don't kill them they will be there until it gets warm.

We got seven bodies before the problem went away.

Squirl said...

Fueltank is probably right. They don't wanna be free, especially in the winter.

When I lived in the country I had two cats. They both liked to catch and play with the mice. But we figured the male was the one who really did the killing.

The worst was when our bed was a mattress on the floor there. One night the cats went tearing across the bed. I got up, turned on the lights, and realized that they had just chased a mouse over me. It's the only time in my life I ever got up on furniture because of a mouse.

When they caught a mice and saw it, I'd grab the cat who'd bite the mouse tighter. Then I'd toss 'em both outside. Only the cat came back in.

mrtl said...

It sounds like you're sufficiently traumatized over this. Big hug!

snaps79 said...

I dreamt about mice taking over my apartment last night, and it's all your fault. I shouldn't have read this god damn post!

Ern said...

That is so funny! I would have let him go too. :)

lawbrat said...

I'm delurking for a minute :-)

Mice in a house scare me. Spiders scare me more though.

My boyfriend bought a house not to long ago. It was a rental before he bought it, and pet food was left right outside the back door. After he'd been there a few months he noticed mice; got traps, and got rid of them.

He got a kitten a few months ago, after the mice disapeared. Or so we thought. I was at his house taking my daily drug induced nap (injury, pain meds) and woke up to realize Mimi had a mouse. I was so proud of her, gave her lots of 'good kitty's' and emailed Phil to let him know.
I was sound asleep on the couch when he got home, Mimi(kitten) was napping on me. He turned on the light and asked me where she put the mouse. I didnt know, I was asleep. Mimi was still on me, he started petting her, then told me 'dont move'. OMG. The mouse, dead, ON.THE.BLANKET.
I wanted to burn the blanket, because ewwwww, dead mouse! He thought just washing it was sufficient. I still wont use that blanket.

Mrs Lifecruiser said...

1. About the migraine: Are you sure you had it? I mean, if it was phantom ache you would THINK it was pain there in the amputated head ;-)

Some comfort: you will get rid off the migraine when you get OLD, I'm speaking from own experience...

2. Ohh, how cute, Yoshi got a new friend... I mean toy...

Pixie LaRouge said...

Oh. My. GAWD! Mice!!! Actually, I don't freak over mice. That'd be my mom, which is hilarious, since she mocks me for my spider-thing. And cricket-thing. But they attack me.

Yoshi is as useful as she is beautiful! Two of my cats ignored a recent mouse invasion. The third cat is the same cat that fell in the oven while I was cooking a steak, so, as you can imagine, she wasn't that effective with live meat...

Von Krankipantzen said...

dima-when are you going to get that cat!?? I mean it. You'll never regret it. But you will need somebody to take care of it when you go out of town.

jessica rabbit-ROO! That is so nasty. Actually you bring up a good point. Yoshi doesn't have her shots as she is allergic to them. I'll call the vet on Monday to see if licking a mouse is bad for unprotected kitties.

stampy-that would have freaked me the fuck out too. Was the neighbour cute? What a way to meet people.

kalki-I think Yoshi was doing the same thing. The freaked out look on her face when she had it in her mouth was priceless. It was like her mind was saying, "WTF!?!" while her body went with the primordial instincts. I still don't think she would have killed it.

fuel-well, we can't poison them as we have pets and we don't want them to eat a toxic mousie by accident. You know what a softie I am. Just can't kill them. I have no problem setting them free so they bother somebody else. We are at 7 mousies total for the house and no more for several days. Maybe they are gone now.

squirl-that is so freaky! I am afraid of that too. Yoshi bringing one up on the bed. To share, you know.

mrtl-you have no idea how high strung I am now. Everything is making me jump.

HDL-SORRY!! Hee...

ern-people have said I am nuts for doing it but my manager brought by live traps the other day so he has accepted my soft side. But no mousies lately at all.

lawbrat-hey! Thanks for delurking. That is a terrible story. I would never be able to like that blanket again. I can hardly let Yoshi lick me now. That is my greatest fear. That Yoshi will dump a mouse on the bed for playtime. *SHUDDER*

mrs. lifecruiser-I hope the migraines go away. They did when my chemo put me into menopause but that has recently ended and the migraines are back with a vengence. So far instead of getting better as I age (I was told they would) they have become worse. I'll be put into drug induced menopause in a couple weeks and hopefully they wil stop then. They suck.

pixie larouge-your cat fell in the oven!?! OMG! I hope it was ok. I can't help but laugh though. The visuals are too funny.