Life in the Slow Lane

Life in the Slow Lane

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

At Which Point My Husband (If I Was Married) Would Leave Me To Rot Alone

The Healitude continues and it is getting very outspoken. When I first got home I was in the very tender stage which meant a lot of quiet “eeeeeeeee-ing” and hissing when moving about. Having the one incision on my back and two incisions on my front means the rear loses and I lay on that owie pretty much all the time. Now I am less tender but more sore and stiff which means you hear a lot of “OI!” and “YIKES!” and “OOoooooOOOOooWWWWW!” when getting up and down and moving around to get comfortable. Yeah, comfortable….whatever that means. I haven’t felt that way since this whole thing started. It is more degrees of ‘less sore' than actual 'comfort'. To be honest I am pretty crabby.

Basically I have entered the Old Man part of my recovery. Shuffling around in slippers and an old ratty cardigan. Muttering under my breath and audibly creaking with any sudden movement. Leaving things unfinished when they become too overwhelming. Cupboard and closet doors stand open. Empty cups and half eaten meals litter my living room. Well, they do for about 20 minutes before my mom comes over and does her daily sterilization of my whole apartment.

My Mankitude also continues and it is almost becoming a source of pride to me how rank I am getting. My mom washed my hair in the kitchen sink so it really doesn’t seem all that bad now that the greasy bangs are out of my eyes and the oily swim-cap-hair feeling is gone. I figure this situation is not totally unlike the pride of men who go on long fishing trips in the wilderness. How long their beards are getting and whether their filthy jeans can stand up on their own, become a topic of some distinction. I am in the trenches and that doesn’t smell pretty. I have earned my right to offend. Kinda like crazy street people.

Today’s topic of Bitchitude is the nasty ‘hit-your-funny-bone-feeling’ that perpetually affects my right arm. Jeeeeez it sucks. Makes me quite whiney, frankly. This is probably swelling affecting some nerve or something. It hurts too much for me to research on the internet. I’d rather just awkwardly lie on my back and snivel about it. It honestly seems to help.

Let the party continue…

12 comments:

kalki said...

For a crabby old man, you are totally endearing.

Closet Metro said...

you're way cuter than any crabby old man I've ever met.

headless cat said...

dear crabby - oops - i mean kranki

glad to hear things are getting better and hope the tingling and pain goes soon!

just keep thinking each day is just one day closer to being healed and having a shower...

sharkey said...

I'm with Kalki . . . you ARE endearing.

I hate that greasy-hair feeling too. Glad Mom-Poo is there to help you out with the hair washing and apartment cleaning.

And now a message for your body (that sounds kinda kinky): Heal thyself. Quickly! We can't have a crabby Kranki on our hands, and she deserves some peace and relaxation. Now get to it!

Hemlock said...

I'm glad your mom is there to take care of your krankiness.

happy and blue 2 said...

You should have done this healing in a nursing home. You would have fit right in.
Think of the great conversations you could have had.
"Oh, my back hurts"
"Oy, you don't know what pain is Kranki. My hip hurts so much I can't pee"

Anyways this is good practice for when you get old..
Hope you feel better soon..

Furry Kids said...

Sending more hugs and healing vibes your way.

LadyBug said...

I'm so glad your mom is there to help you out. Love and (gentle) hugs to you, dear.

Candace said...

Partying on with you, Stacey. Does it hurt to sneeze? Because Lord Almighty, it hurts the hell out of me to sneeze. I keep trying to sleep on my left side (the side with the incision) and it just isn't working. I can't wait to sleep well again. I'm sure you understand.

Sideways hugs to you, sweetie.

Nerdgirl said...

I fucking hate that funny bone feeling, and what makes it worse is that it's really not funny, never funny actually. That feeling makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little... yuck.

stampydurst said...

You have, indeed, earned the right to offend. I'm afraid you'll have to try harder though. Not offended. Of course, I'm not downwind.

Hope you feel better soon! And Hooch sends his best.

eclectic said...

I'm just so glad to hear that cranking and sniveling about it helps!! In that case, snivel MORE!! Whatever will help you recover quickly and in more comfort, we're all for it!!