Life in the Slow Lane

Life in the Slow Lane

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Right of Passage

I was not so fondly recollecting all my past wounds and woes a while ago and suddenly came to a startling realization; I am half cursed. Not wholly, completely or utterly cursed but only demi cursed. Specifically on my right side. If something is going to go wrong with me it disproportionately happens to the right side of my body.

For instance:

-Back in my college grocery gal days I pulled my right lower back and sprained my right wrist. I also got carpal tunnel syndrome in my right wrist after a couple years. Most of this can be explained as I am right handed so that side of my body would suffer the most wear and tear.

-Same when I got attacked by the huge dog. It ripped a chunk out of my right forearm and right foot. Also logical as you’d think that is what arm and leg I’d use to protect myself first therefore being first in the line of fire. But the dog also bit my left arm and didn’t break the skin.

-Once I fell and sprained my right foot. I’ve never sprained my left foot or wrist or anything on my left side at all.

-Then about 9 years ago I noticed a lump forming under the right side of my jaw which was diagnosed as an AVM. Had that surgically removed with no problems and didn’t think much of it.

-Then I was diagnosed with breast cancer. You guessed it. RIGHT BOOB!

-Recently I wrote about how I got the eyelid herp on…MY RIGHT EYE!

-Just a couple weeks ago I had to get a bone scan due to right foot pain which turns out to be arthritis. I am a little young for it but since it is on my right side I am not shocked at all.

-I nearly forgot to mention that when I get migraine headaches it is always on the right side of my head. Always.

-Then last week I got a staph infection on my thumb. Wait for it…MY RIGHT THUMB. And from that pain and stiffness has been creeping into my other fingers. Serves me right for hanging out at so many hospitals and clinics.

What the frick is this all about? Do I need to sprinkle salt on my right side? Or Holy Water, perhaps? Do I get a half price deal for a shaman to bless my right side? Do I have to do something about the left hemisphere of my brain to benefit my right bits?

Anybody got a theory?


mrtl said...

I wonder what side you sleep on, if the right side is neglected and this is a cry for attention.

alan said...

I thought somehow the hemispheres controlled opposite sides, but I'm probably misremembering something...

How 'bout a Kevlar glove and some body armor like the motorcross or mountain bike downhiller's wear?

Perhaps a steel toed boot as well?



Susie said...

Interesting. I think my acupuncturist would say the energy flow on your right side is messed up. Try acupuncture?

Sharkey said...

Arthritis! You're too young for that! Of course, you were too young for cancer too. I'm glad it didn't turn out to be mets in your foot though!

When I had a bit of lymphedema and was reading up to learn more about it, the materials said that it typically doesn't "cross over" to the other side of the body from where you first have it. Something about the way the lymphatic system is wired. Maybe other systems are wired that way too?

I think you should totally ask Susie's acupuncturist.

lawyerchik said...

Second the Susie advice. Sounds like your chi is blocked. Or, next dr visit, ask for bionics..... :)

eclectic said...

Acupuncture endorsement here, too. But the whole "half-price shaman" schtick made me laugh!

Anonymous said...

you are just always right


HAR said...

I have to ask, are you right handed?

Calamity Jen said...

I'm afraid that you will require a total right-side transplant.

JP said...

Right on!!

here today, gone tomorrow said...

I'm looking at your twitter. 5 days????

Circe said...

For me, it's the left side. Always. Head to toe, my malady will occur on the left and yes, I'm left handed.


east village idiot said...

Kranki -

Run do not walk to the nearest reputable acupuncturist or shiatsu specialist - preferably acupuncture. No joke. I studied shiatsu for a while and long enough to know that you are on to something....and perhaps it can be healed - healing your whole body in the process.

Please promise me that you'll do this if you can.

Kaze, Latte, & Chase said...

We have posted an announcement about your calendar on Simply Siamese :).


Squirl said...

Metaphysically speaking I must ask you, do you feel the need to always be right? Just a theory.

I, too, spent most of my life with my right side taking the brunt of the injuries. Now that I'm older my left side seems to be starting to catch up.