I had a nice long phone chat with Tinarina today who called me from London. We have been friends since kindergarten. Over 31 years. She was telling me that they had some guy come into the office today to do gait analysis in the company gym. She knows she favours her right leg a bit. However, her fiancé is now teasing her since the guy made it sound like she flails around taking out unsuspecting passer-by with her uncontrolled leg. We started talking about old injuries and over the years she and I have suffered a series of mishaps that have had a bizarre continuity to them. Tinarina is known as “Pull My Groin” and I am “Fall In The Crack.”
I can’t even tell you how many times I have fallen into some crevasse in my life. If there is a crack I will insert my foot into it and go over. It is some kind of karma. Tinarina, on the other hand, has pulled her groin so many times she practically has an arthritic crotch. I think she can sneeze now and go into muscle spasms.
One memorable incident took place in Victoria. Tinarina and I had parked the car on the street on the way to meet some friends. I had a little convertible at the time and I decided that with the abundance of seagulls it would probably be a good idea to put the top up. I was on one side of the car and Tinarina was on the other and as she tells the story I was there one minute and the next minute I was gone. She looked up and I had vanished. Totally puzzled she walked around the rear of the car to find me writhing around on the sidewalk in total pain but still laughing my ass off and crying at the same time. I had fallen in the crack. I tripped on a protruding piece of metal in the pavement and fell into the gap between my car and curb totally spraining my ankle. On the way down my lips met the rear fender and made a strange squeaking sound. I swear. I licked my car by accident.
Today she told me a story about how she slipped on some ice back in high school and went down into the splits. Her brother tried to get her up but she was down for the count. She was sent home in a cab.
At no time was either of us drunk.