Life in the Slow Lane

Life in the Slow Lane

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Zzzzzzzzzzz

I went to my family doctor today to get my daily injection. The home care hasn’t kicked in yet. I love my doctor. He is simply the nicest man. He is often running late and I have had to come to accept that this is just part of being one of his patients. Today was no different. He is late because he will spend extra time with his patients and I have been the recipient of this on several occasions. I figure it all works out. He is also a teacher of family practise medicine so I know he is always up to date. But he is always late from class.

His office has recently upgraded to some fancy computer system and he walked in with a touch pad notebook computer type thingie instead of the usual file. I was pretty impressed and told him so. The look of horror on his face was priceless. Obviously, technology can be a double-edged sword.

He asked me how I was doing. I told him the truth as I think that is a good policy to have with your health care provider. I said I was bored. And I am. Cancer is boring. It limits what you can do. At least with me anyway as my counts are low so my energy is low as well. It makes your world very small. Time does not go by as fast as you would like it too. It sucks.

He said that this was the first time he had ever had cancer described to him this way. What can I say? I am blunt. It is my truth. Why beat around the bush? If you can’t be honest with your doctor who can you be honest with?

I think what is happening is that my chemo has been extended a bit and I am trying to get my head around that. I am going to have two extra rounds. When my counts got low and I was approved to start these daily injections my chemo protocol changed. It allows my chemo to be more aggressive which is better in the long run. However, it is, indeed, a long run. So I have 4 more doses instead of 2 but at a much lower dose. That makes my end date about 3 weeks later. The end of August now. Bummer.

Yet, I also have to accept that once the chemo is over that does not mean the end of treatment for me. I will have radiation after. For 3-5 weeks. Everyday. That won’t be fun either. It will possibly even be duller than chemo. Then after that is more surgery. A double mastectomy. And reconstruction. I guess I should not be rushing this process but it is hard not to. Damned boring cancer.

16 comments:

Vanessa said...

You should always be honest with your doctor! The fact that you didn't try to act as if everything is fine is the best way to be. What I also admire in you is your ability to find humor in your situation. I'm sure your doctor admires you as much as your readers do.

snaps79 said...

Wow. I didn't realize how much of a journey you still have ahead of you. I also didn't realize you'd have a double mastectomy. I really mean it when I say I'm touched that you're sharing your journey with us. You're on the minds and in the hearts of many strangers whom you've never met. And, when you're bored, you can always email me! I'll send pictures or tell you SOMETHING stupid.

Take care of yourself.

Susie said...

Damned boring cancer. Of course you are SO over this shit by now.

I know I speak for a lot of your blogfriends when I say, we're not bored with hearing whatever you feel like saying about it, whenever you feel like saying it. The road ahead looks long sometimes, I'm sure. And feels long. And then, that road will end, and you'll get on with the next exciting chapter of your life. Your long, healthy life.

I guess compared to the chemo, the radiation time will speed past. Then surgery, then the fancy new parts that you will flash all over the place. And get arrested for indecent exposure, and whatnot. Now THAT will not be boring.

LadyBug said...

Damn stupid boring cancer.

If we lived close, I'd bring my kids over to entertain you. The girls would sing and dance for you - they LOVE an audience. And Big Boy would grin and coo and be ever-so-charming.

Heck, give me a couple more weeks of the whining and tattling and "I'm BORED" and I'll UPS 'em to you!

L.Bo said...

Who wouldn't want this to be over? I am not one to wish time away, but in this case, even I would make an exception. As much as we can, being over 1000 km away, we will be there every step. I feel bad about the distance, but I know that extra company would probably not be the thing just now. Still, if you are feeling like a visitor, I would be there in a heart beat anytime! Even just for a quick drop in. I would bring my prettiest face and most entertaining self.

On second thought, I could send the girls. They sing, they dance, they act, they play instruments! Barnum and Bailey should have had this crew. Okay, maybe we'll save them for later.

I hope once the chemo is done, you are able to be up and about a bit more. I know it seems a long time off though. Hang in there you.

Precisiongirl said...

Like HDL, I didn't realise that you would have all of this ahead of you - does reconstruction mean that you'll get your dream boobies? I remember you saying something about maybe wanting ones that are slightly bigger..

I'm so glad that I stumbled across your blog and that I get to read about bravery and inspiration everyday - or when you update at least!

Sending my cyber twin a virtual hug - x

laura said...

Nor did I know you have radiation and the double-m and recon ahead of you. We'll be here for you, although I always feel like you are here for us.

Squirl said...

Well, I'm with the rest of the crew in that I didn't know what all was ahead of you. In fact, I mentioned something about your blog last night to Ichabod and he started asking me some of these questions and I felt bad that I didn't know the answers.

Please, please keep telling us about any part of this current journey of yours that you want. We love to hear how you're doing. You're getting lots of internet love and hugs. :-)

Candace said...

Wow. I didn't realize you were doing the double-M (sounds like a ranch in the West, doesn't it??) and the reconstruction, either.

Did I ever tell you about my neighbor? The one who also had breast cancer and did the chemo and the radiation and the double-M and the reconstruction? She's doing SO well; in remission and she looks fantastic and her hair even looks better than it did before!

Hang in there, Stacey. We're all pulling for you.

Von Krankipantzen said...

vanessa-I don't know if he admires me but I sure admire him. I am glad you guys still find me funny. I gotta laugh or else I'd cry.

hdl-you touch me right back with all the sweet emails. I am glad I have funny people around like you to cheer me up. I will absolutley email you if I need some funny pics.

susie-time is such a funny thing. it can seem to go by slowly and then when you look back seem like it roared by. I keep on telling myself to just let it go by naturally. And then the boobie flashing will commence.

ladybug-that is so funny. UPS them. They would be horrified by my incessant need for songs and dance. Summer holiday woudl be so lame. Sweet offer.

lbo-same as with ladybug those two girls would be so bored. Eating nothing but grapes and watching DVDs. If that sounds fun then they need their head examined! Poor girls.

precision girl-you are so right. If a double is what the doctor orders-and it is what I want since I have a 25% chance of an occurance in my other breast with this type of cancer then I will be upgrading to a slightly larger size. Go from an A to a B. Gotta get something good out of this.

laura-I totally feel you guys are there for me. You are so sweet.

Squirl-thanks for the permissin to moan and graon. I don't wan to bore you with gory details but them's the facts. Lots ahead. Thanks for the hugs. I love getting them.

misfit-it makes me feel good to hear about other people who have gone throogh this and have emerged at the other side. I am so glad your neighbour is doing well.

LadyBug said...

Hey Kranki, have you seen Torrie's "Cancer Sucks" stuff on her CafePress site?

http://www.cafepress.com/ipmhe

I was just there, and thought of this post.

HUGS,
LadyBug

Courtney said...

Today, I will not be upset that I have a cold, or that I had no sleep, or that things are not like I wish they were. Instead, I will be happy that we're here, and we have you.

Von Krankipantzen said...

ladybug-I checked out ehr stuff and I have to say I agree with all of it. I may have to pick up a item or two.

requiscat-you have every right to be upset over a cold and sleeplessness and all that stuff. It still feels terrible. But being happy is so much nicer. I haven't seen you in a while so I am glad you are back!

john boy said...

I know I say this pretty much everytime I come to visit, but you have an amazing spirit.

Thank you for including your blog readers in the who-can you-be-honest-with category with your doctor.

Keep laughing :)

Von Krankipantzen said...

john boy-I am so happy that I can be honest with you all. That is a huge gift for me. So thank you.

Anonymous said...

Ms. Kranki
wow. i know i am repeating everyone, but thank you so much for your generosity of spirit, it is really quite huge!
i am also sure that everyone has sooo much advice, but i will just offer these two things:
1. start freezing bananas now, apparently banana smoothies are really good during radiation therapy (lots of potassium and the bananas don't taste like metal, as many foods will, i'm told)
2. when i went to diabetic camp as a kid they made us practice giving injections to oranges...although it sounds like you've got it covered
thank you again, and again!
kerry