Life in the Slow Lane

Life in the Slow Lane

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Bucket Of Goodness

Yoshi attacked the nurse the other day.

My cat hates everybody, pretty much, except for me and my parents. To keep my insurance premiums down to a dull roar I hastily warn each and every person who enters my abode not to touch her for any reason. Keep your hands away from the kitty. But Yoshi likes to play with people’s minds. She deaks them out with an open and loving expression followed by vigorous ankle smooching and gentle head butting. Guests slowly start to believe that I am actually some selfish cat hoarder unwilling to share The Lovin’ That Is Yoshi and eventually start talking sweetly to her the whole time assuring me that they have some freaky rapport with cats. Not with my cat, you don’t. Then Yoshi often (to slowly kill me with stress) steps it up a notch and will actually hang around and even on a few occasions go as far as jumping up next to the guest and smooching legs and arms. Said guest then promptly forgets my earnest and heartfelt warnings, now hating my selfish monopoly of sweet kittiness, and reaches out to pet her, in slo-mo, to my deep and guttural NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Only to be BITCH SLAPED in a fit of HISSING. By the cat. I sadly say, “I told you so.” And the guest retreats in fear and loathing from whence they came. It happens every time.


JessicaRabbit said...

All she is doing is marking them with her scent glands in her face, saying that they are in her space and now belong to her, not actually inviting their touch, just taking them as part of her turf.

Silly people, Siamese are very well known for being picky and only attaching with their owners. If you warn them and they dont listen its not your fault.

Plus, its probably a really fun game for her to see if she can tempt them with her cuteness, she just walks off every time thinking, Sucker.


LadyBug said...

You need a "Beware of Cat" sign on the outside of your front door.

And then an "I TOLD you to leave the damn cat alone" sign on the inside of the door, so guests see it when they leave.


kalki said...

LB, that's funny. :) And Von, this post cracked me up. God I love cats.

Candace said...

I like ignoring cats who use the mind-fuck technique. It kinda messes with them and I get the satisfaction of turning the tables.


(you know I LOVE kitties)

snaps79 said...

Bad Yoshi!!! Talk about territorial, huh. But, as long as all of her love is going towards you, how can you get angry, you know?

Kitty and Ezzy are meeting my dad for the first time in a few hours.....should be interesting! He's a dog man.

Von Krankipantzen said...

Jesica R-I don't know why people are so fooled by her. One nurse said she has an appealing face but I think the fact is most cats are friendly and if they are not they hide under the bed. Few are outwardly hostile like Yoshi. I can sure pick 'em.

ladybug-that is so funny and you are very right. I do have a beware of the cat sign but most think it is a joke. Little do they know...

kalki-I laugh at it too but it does get embarrassing when people come over and are terrified of the cat. She loves it.

misfit-the more you ignore her the more she tries to seduce you. She is sick.

HDL-I can't wait to read a post about that meeting. And pics too. It is cool that your folks come and visit you so much.

fueltank said...

Your cat is a fucking monster from the depths of hell that Satan himself refused entry. That is why she is here on Earth.

You know I love you, but Yoshi is pure bitchshit of the worst kind. Cats and small children love me, w/o exception. Therefore your little haterag is not a cat.

End of transmission.

Squirl said...

Does that mean that Yoshi is a Krankipantzen?

Anonymous said...

I, who thought that all animals love me found one that didn't and that is the Yoshi-meister! I will never forget the supreme bitch slap I received on an occasion that started pretty much as you describe...heed the warning.
Fueltank, I hear ya!

Anonymous said...

I, who thought that all animals love me found one that didn't and that is the Yoshi-meister! I will never forget the supreme bitch slap I received on an occasion that started pretty much as you describe...heed the warning.
Fueltank, I hear ya!

L.Bo said...

Well what can you do when people have a little break with reality and delude themselves into thinking they are different than everyone else and will not provoke the actions you have warned about? I mean, she's Siamese for heaven's sake. The coloring alone should be warning enough!

You can add my name to the illustrious list of those Yoshi does not like. But hey, I was in her space and at least she didn't lay on my face at night and try to smother me! I really didn't think she was that bad and haterag is such a nasty word... But then I am also staff for a siamese fur ball of love.

In spite of it all, Yoshi remains supreme beauty and cuteness in a fur coat. But more importantly, she loves you and is quite above the need for forgiveness!

I think Ladybug is onto something with her idea for a second sign.

sirbarrett said...

Eure Katze sieht sehr schoen auf, aber sie sonnt wie ein Teufelkatze. Nicht schade.

Von Krankipantzen said...

fuel-yes. You are right. Of course.

squirl-Yoshi is THE Krankipantzen. Or Krankipfurzen.

TINAMOU-yes, that day will go down in history as the first and only cat to ever not be charmed by your being. It should be in the history books. Seriously.

Lbo-It used to bother me but now I am fine with the fact that to her I am the surpreme being and the only one slated for love. It makes me feel important. Still can't wait to meet Satu of Goodness.

BC-I surely wish I knew what you said! But thanks for coming by! Where is wfropera when I need her?

Squirl said...

I looked up what bc said in Babel Fish and this is the best that the translator could do:

Your cat looks up very beautifully, but it suns like devil cat. Do not harm

whfropera said...

here I am! close Squirl, Babel fish does do a pretty good job, but they don't always get the nuances.
"your cat is very beautiful, but she behaves like the devil himself. Will not harm."

In French it sounds much better:
La chat, elle et tres belle. Elle et une diable, elle la comporte tres mal. Elle a de bonnes intentions.

Squirl said...

Opera Chick, thanks. I knew it sounded pretty lame coming from Babel Fish. I like the French better, too.

Von Krankipantzen said...

Squirl and whfropera-thanks guys. I must check that Babel Fish out. The french is nice. And I can almost read it.