Life in the Slow Lane

Life in the Slow Lane

Monday, July 11, 2005

Ghosts Of Halloweens Past

Today’s topic from mrtl’s Motif Monday is costumes. Hey, I can write about that. I am a trained costumer no less. I am all about the costume. I could get into the fact that the costumer is probably the least respected member of any film crew due to the fact that most people believe that it is a non-thinking job. Anybody can dress themselves, right? Well, wrong. First of all have you seen what people wear out there? Secondly, that is not what costuming is all about. There are so many different aspects of the occupation I could rant on for days about it all. However, I am not. I am going to get into Halloween. My favourite time of year.

I have had some good Halloween experiences. Mother loads of candy. Refreshingly temperate years where a coat did not have to be worn over a costume. One time when we scared a little trick-or-treater so badly he jumped down off the porch, missing about 7 stairs, right into his dad’s arms. But two particular Halloweens stand out for me and I am going to write about them now.

About 15 years ago my friend MrsB (she was MissF back then) was going to university at The University of Victoria on Vancouver Island. There was nothing so much fun as taking the ferry over to visit her and hang out. MrsB has a wicked sense of humour and hanging out with her is always a blast. One Halloween we found out a friend of ours (actually an old high school boyfriend of mine I still had the hots for) who was in a band was playing a Victoria nightclub Halloween Eve. We decided that we would go and flirt and have some fun.

Now I don’t know if you have ever noticed but Halloween is often used by women to dress up in the sexiest costumes imaginable. While this bugs me a little and makes me laugh I can totally understand it. This year I really wanted to utilise this phenomenon to my advantage so I could impress this guy. Well MrsB wasn’t having anything of that. She decided that we were going to dress up like pigs. And when MrsB decides something there is no getting around it. Besides, she had several components of the costume already. I am talking about two pairs of pink long johns with a trap door rear. I hemmed and hawed and went along with it, as she didn’t seem to have any components for a sexy nurse costume or anything like that. Well, we cut off tips of pink rubber gloves and sewed them on as nipples and were off. Complete with pillow tucked in for a big fat stomach. I have to say there we were at the bar dancing our asses off looking like some seriously mammerific piggies and we ROCKED! All these other women were strutting around wearing cat costumes or trying to be some sort of Madonna look alike. But we were pigs and the guys loved us. Unfortunately I did not score with the ex, as he was too busy being the head lining act as well as the opening act. This band would quite often don wigs and dresses and be their own opening band under a different name. That night they were The Poo Girls. I do believe that night we actually won best costume but didn’t stick around to collect the prize. My most potent visual memory of that night was MrsB sitting on a chair fondling her pink rubber nipples while giving some guy the eye. I still laugh about that. He guy was charmed.

The other fabulous costume night I remember was when tinarina and P-daddy and a few others dressed up as the Alice in Wonderland group. I was White Rabbit and Tinarina was the Caterpillar and P-Daddy was the Mad Hatter. Another friend was Trashy Alice and she dressed up as a Drag Queen Alice. This will come into play later. We went to a large venue party hosted by The Gay Men’s Choir. Let me say right now that if you wanna good time just go to a Gay Men’s Choir party. Those guys really know how to have fun. Also they really know how to dress up. I have never seen so many fabulous costumes in my life. I was simply in awe. We danced the night away with fabulous cocktails to fabulous music with fabulous men. Trashy Alice kept on having her boobs squeezed, as the queens couldn’t get over how real they looked. That was because THEY WERE. What a hoot. Literally.

After that party started winding down we all piled into a cab and went to a warehouse party. It was pouring with rain and we were getting soaked outside waiting to get in. We were just thinking of blowing off the place when these two guys pulled up in a van and offered us a ride. Later we all figured out we didn’t actually know these people. P-daddy thought I knew them and I thought he knew them. Anyway, while we were getting into the van (I can’t quite remember how it happened) somehow this other guy who was near us in the line up got in with us. He was dressed up as a rich old lady complete with pillbox hat, pearls and a fox stole that gave me the evil eye from his shoulders. We never saw his face as he was wearing a full mask.

So there we were with these two guys in the van along with a complete stranger driving around town. It turned out the driver had seen us at the original party and had the hots for P-daddy so he was going to drop off his buddy first and try to hook up after. His buddy was dressed up as a dominatrix complete with accoutrements. I guess he felt like he was being fobbed off as he proceeded to lean over the back of his seat and whip us. Literally. With his bullwhip. Calling us terrible names all the while. So we were all screaming and giggling and trying to get out of the way until it started to smart a little. Then we were screaming for 'reals' that time. P-daddy came to our rescue and began beating the dominatrix with a broom he found the in the back of the van. Shit was flying for a while. Tinarina and my screams added to the chaos. Finally the dom got out and went home leaving us in peace. The Old Lady Guy never said a word.

We reached our final destination and Old Lady Man climbed out of the van and went on his way. I have no idea who this guy was and what he really looked like. He must have thought we were nuts. I don’t remember if the night continued on afterwards with any other insanity but I think it mellowed out significantly from there. I seem to remember we went for coffee at this all-night place called Dolls and Pennies that had two levels. The downstairs waiter was dressed as Satan and the upstairs one like Jesus. The Son of God served us coffee that night.


Anonymous said...

Mrs B checking in! hardy har har har! The pig costumes. Wasn't that so much more fun than being a hussy! You're a hussy in real life anyway, so it wouldn't have been dressing up.

Nice memories, Kranki. You are crucial to many of the good memories in my life.

Remember that New year's eve that never quite worked out? I ended up with wads of tissue jammed up both nostrils and stating that this is what real life is about. OMG. I am crazy. But it works for me.


Mrs B

Candace said...

SO fun!

I love Halloween, too. I usually end up waiting till the last minute for the kids' costumes, but they always seem to work out quite well.

mrtl said...

Too funny! The pig costumes sound like a hoot.

Sharkey said...

Great memories.

I, too, remember begging our Mom to let us go out without our winter coats over them. "But Mo-ooom, nobody will be able to tell what we are!"

Anonymous said...

Oh my god! I totally forgot about that van ride until your blog! I remember the party vividly but obviously my selective memory chose to forget all about that whipping we got!! Hehehe...what a blast that was! I remeber how soggy and icky my caterpillar tail got. Who was that old lady/man?
tinarina xxxx

Von Krankipantzen said...

mrsb-you are part of so many great memories for me too. I do totally remember that New Years. What a night.

misfit-I find that sometimes the last minute inspiration is the best kind.

mrtl-the nipple part was sure funny. We freaked people out.

sharkey-I remember that too. I HATED IT when I had to wear a coat over my costume.

tinarine-the memory does protect us, doesn't it? ;-) I have no idea who that guy was. He never said a word. Weird. Maybe he was our guardian drag queen.

Squirl said...

Sounds like you know how to have a fun time. I've never been into wearing a costume. I don't know why, just never cared to.

L.Bo said...

Boy, the things we managed to survive when we were young! I'm surprised so many of us make it to adulthood. On the other hand, what a blast! Would love to see the pics of these two events.

I was really sad when the girls outgrew the Halloween ritual. The good news is they are growing back into it as Halloween is highjacked by adults. Costumes for everyone!

Susie said...

These are hysterical. Of course men would love pigs! And being beaten in the car?! Good times. Good times.