Thank you so much for all you support and kind comments on my last post of angst. Sorry I have not yet got to responding to them all as it has been a long and hard week for me. I had four doctors’ appointments in three days and these things always freak me out a little. The one that was really causing me a great deal of anxiety was getting my expanders filled with more saline. Somehow, someway the size of the already large needles became immense in my mind. Coupled with some scary dreams as well as some looong nights of insomnia the whole process took on a hellish life of its own in my mind. Once I was there I was just fine (with a little help from my friend Ativan) and the needles were not THAT big and it didn’t hurt so I think I can safely put that demon to rest.
I have also just started taking a medication called Tamoxifen. This eliminates the estrogen from my body which is necessary since my cancer was estrogen receptor positive. That means my own estrogen hormones helped the cancer to grow. I found out a nice little fact today from my doctor about Tamoxifen. It can make me very moody while my body gets used to it. WELL NO BLOODY WONDER I HAVE BEEN SO FUCKING INSANE ALL WEEK!! I have been emotional, impatient, crabby, sad and exhausted.
All righty then…
My hoots are taking on a life of their own. Through a shirt they already look like normal happy little breasts but to feel them (stand in line, stand in line) they are rock hard. Imagine sleeping while wearing a bra filled with two baseballs. Reeeeeally comfy. But I am not going to bitch any more since I am happy to just have a rack again. Or as I like to call them, a frontal presence.
So please hang in there while my body adjusts to my medication and I get my funny back.