Crush Your Cat's Head Friday

It is positively creepy how much she loves this.

Rub My Belly For Luck

I am so excited. I just won $50 on a scratch lottery ticket. I have never won that much money before EVER! Sushi tomorrow for lunch.

My First WTF

There is a mystery in my kitchen. In the grand scheme of mysteries it is pretty small. In fact I don’t think it may even qualify as a full-fledged mystery but perhaps is closer to a moderate puzzlement. Nonetheless it is still bugging me and I want to know what is going on.

My cutlery is disappearing.

A few months back I noticed a fork was missing from my set. I will preface this by saying I have a lovely matched set of eight settings of stainless flatware. It was a gift from my family. That is all I have. No tangled mass is mismatched cutlery for me. I know exactly what I own. It never leaves my house, as I don’t take lunches with me to work. I don’t have a hungry dishwasher and every piece is hand washed by me. I don’t have a garburetor to accidentally eat my silverware or gaping drains to wash stuff away. The only thing I could think of was perhaps the fork was thrown out along with some take-out food containers. But I somehow doubt it. It is not like I have any wild food parties in my tiny apartment. It is mostly just me and I am pretty observant about stuff like that. Today I just realised a spoon is missing too. This is just plain weird. Where could it go? It is driving me crazy.

This is not the first time stuff has mysteriously vanished from my possession. When I first moved into my apartment it quickly became apparent to me that my undies where going missing from the laundry room. Specifically my black ginchies were slowly disappearing. We are not talking sexy lacy black slips of sin but very functional cotton bloomers. In total several pairs, actually six altogether, went bye-bye. This was very mysterious as the house tenants at that time were all female. Except for the house manager. Logic dictates to me who was most likely responsible. I have no proof and could never back up my suspicions but the thievery immediately stopped as soon as I told the caretaker what was happening. You do the math.

So what do you think? Any theories about there? Where are my forks and spoons going?

Back In The Swing Of Things

I have been wracking my brain all day wondering what to write about. Truth is things are very mellow right now. And I have decided that this is noteworthy unto itself. Things are getting back to normal again which I love. I am busy trying to figure out a wedding gift for a friend as well as do all my inspection stuff to get my car re-insured for the year. You know, I am enjoying the mundane things I have missed for the last few months. I am still pretty tired but definitely much better. I will get out to do my own grocery shopping tomorrow. I’ve missed doing the food shopping. Basically I am regaining my independence again. I don’t know if radiation will hit me hard with fatigue but I am getting back into my groove while I can. Lots of things to catch up on and get done.

This is a good lesson for me. Enjoy the little things in life. And I mean the eensy teensy things like being able to wash your sheets and make your bed. Picking out your own fruit and veggies at the market. Feeling up to planning for Thanksgiving, and birthdays and weddings and Christmas. Wearing actual clothes again after wearing PJs for so long. Getting new tires for the car. This stuff is exciting for me now. I went to the store and bought myself milk today. I haven’t bought my own milk for 5 months. It felt good.

Barney Gone Bad

I am an animal lover. However, there are a few animals that I find much easier to love when they are far away from me. Animals that fall into this category are snakes, reptiles, bugs, bears, and anything that has a strong odour, slime or lots of germs. I really do love them but at a distance. Idealistically.

Many years ago I worked in a very funky shoe store. It was not uncommon to get punk rockers come in with rats or snakes hiding in pockets or under shirts. Love the rats and the snakes but I really don’t want to touch them, or smell them. Don’t want to kill them either but am not all warm and fuzzy over them.

One day it was particularly busy at the shoe store and I had to squeeze by this guy who was blocking the door to the back room. I did not notice until I was right next to him that he had a fricking huge iguana sitting on his shoulder wearing a strange pink lacy collar and leash. Not entirely unlike a gargoyle in drag. I couldn’t help myself but I think the phrase, “EW!” slipped past my lips. Totally involuntarily. Its tail, after all, was about four feet long and almost touched the ground. Very icky but I meant “EW!” in a totally loving and respectful way. Gargoyle Boy grinned at me and my squeamishness. I was a silly girl. When I returned to the sales floor the reptile and its boy were nowhere in sight and I proceeded to kneel on the floor to unpack some shoes for a customer. Suddenly I felt four scratchy little claws scrabble to find purchase on the back of my sweater. Lizard Fucker had decided to teach me a lesson. The lizard was crawling up my back towards my head. My customer ran away leaving me at its mercy. I was alone.

Instantaneously I started to sweat. A lot. The beast felt surprisingly heavy and I could feel its tail drape over my back as it reached and actually dragged on the ground. It was all I could do not to run screaming from the store or drop and roll to scrape it off. I stayed very still because even though I had never been so freaked in my life I didn’t want to hurt the thing. That, I suppose was the love kicking in. Yes, it was love but it was not enough to bathe me in a light of wellbeing and acceptance. I just wanted it OFF! It was at that moment that I started to whisper-scream “Get it off get it off get it off get it off get it off…” to anybody who was willing to listen. Nobody was. Most folks had backed away leaving a cleared area around me. A vast clear area. I was totally alone. Except for the iguana. Finally after what seemed like years Bastard Owner Boy swooped in to save the day. The only problem was that he couldn’t get the lizard off as it had tangled is creepy little claws into my sweater. Scritch scritch scritch. He tugged and pulled and I could see, out of the corner of my eye, the dinosaur’s green pointy face freakily close to my ear. Too close. Finally, with a strange Velcro-like sound, the tyrannosaurus rex was detached from my person. I was free. Asshole Reptile Tamer laughed at me, outright mocked my fear in parting, and left the store.


I know it was not the lizard’s fault. He was blameless in the whole incident. I love animals. I hate people though.

In Case You Were Wondering...

I was talking on the phone with my cousin LBo the other night and she is highly frustrated. She has a very strong impression that the computer world is out to get her ass. Both her home and work computers have freaked out. As a result she can blog stalk but is not able to comment. She specifically asked me to pass on a message to you all that she is out there reading all your blogs but is not able to comment on them. She misses commenting and will resume that obsessive habit (ok, maybe that is just me) as soon as she can. In short, she is sending out the blove.

I Wish I'd Thought Of That

I was just browsing though MyCatHatesYou.com and found a photo of two cats named Prozac and Zoloft. Kick ass!

Stinker Alert

I just finished watching The Hulk. I have lost over 2 hours of my life I can never get back. That DVD is a travesty! You have been warned.

It Is Crush Your Cat's Head Friday

SQEEEEEEZING!

Getting Too Old For It All

Mr. Scotty Gee asked me to tell a story about working in the film industry. I have plenty of stories to tell and have already told the tale of working for the biggest witch in the natural and supernatural world. You can read about it here and here. One is a long post so get a cup of tea or something.

My recent work in film as been as a special effects costumer. I made a lot of the hats and accessories in a little film called Connie And Carla. They do a South Pacific musical number to “I’m Gonna Wash That Man Right Out Of My Hair” and I made their sudsy hats. If you saw the recent stinker, The Chronicles of Riddick, you saw my handy work there too. The bad guy, Lord Marshal, wears a weird metal skullcap. I assembled several of these things. I did not make the individual pieces and I did not design the cap but I was the one who had to glue, wire and rivet it all together. There were about 16 caps in all ranging from a couple metal ones to several plastic and rubber ones for the stunt guys. That was a good gig.

Before I did special effects costuming I was what was called a Costume Set Supervisor. That means I was the one on set with the actors making sure they were wearing the right outfits in the right way. My job was to create and maintain a Continuity Bible. Most movies are filmed out of sequence so you have to keep detailed notes and photos of exactly how the costumes were worn from scene to scene. You sometimes notice it when a character walks into a room and they are wearing a jacket zipped up half way and a purse over their left shoulder. Then they walk into a different room and the jacket is unzipped and the purse is on the right shoulder or missing altogether. Yes, that would be bad continuity. Those two rooms were probably not even located in the same building and the two scenes were shot weeks apart. And yes, there is actually a job to keep track of those things and yes I got paid good money for doing that. Only in the movie business.

This job can be very difficult for several reasons. First of all the hours are horrendous as you are there on set the whole time film is being shot. You have to work all-nighters and in bizarre locations. My first job I was on a mountainside for an 18-hour all-nighter in minus 18-degree weather. That is about –1 for you Fahrenheit folks. I have stood in rain for hours in the middle of winter. I’ve worked in blazing hot sun too with no shade in sight. Another reason the job sucks is that you find yourself doing things no reasonable adult should. Like standing there holding an umbrella over a actor who is perfectly capable of holding their own damned stuff. Or de-linting a hot young actor’s ass. OK that part is not bad. Yet another thing is that you have to baby-sit full grown actors who will do things like lose their costume purses or sit on wet grass in their white wardrobe pants or spill coffee on their one of a kind costume or throw hissy fits about how hot/cold/itchy/uncomfortable/bored/tired/thirsty/hung-over they are. I will say that most of the actors I worked with were really sweet and cool people. But the very odd few who were a handful really stick out in my mind.

One such actress I had to deal with was a real doozie. She wasn’t famous but had had a very pivotal bit part on a very popular sitcom. As a result she thought the sun shone out of her ass. Being her on-set costumer I can assure you it totally didn’t. She showed up for her first day of work hung over and not knowing her lines. This is a MAJOR faux pas. Huge. And she was playing a bimbo so her lines were not Shakespeare, if you know what I mean. The second thing she did which did not endear her to anybody on set was that she was extremely rude and condescending to her fellow actor. This guy played her husband and she just didn’t think he was ‘hott’ enough for her liking. Yes, this guy is not Jude Law but is a very good character actor. I have worked with him on a few projects and he is the sweetest and funniest guy you will ever meet. A real gem. She treated him like shit. Another thing she did was act like a total prima donna on set complaining one day to the director that the background extras where looking at her and would he please make them stop. JeSUS! Not too many actors can get away with that kind of crap and certainly she absolutely couldn’t. The director skilfully and tactfully blew her off. I was there for it and laughed out loud. Those times when a freak gets put in his or her place are too few not to chuckle.

Anyway, this bitch…I mean actress, arrived on set one day and I surreptitiously scanned her costume (wouldn’t want to OFFEND her with direct eye contact) to make sure she was wearing everything as she should be. I noticed she wasn’t wearing her charm bracelet. I got on my radio and talked to the truck costumer to see if she had forgotten to give it to the actress. The truck costumer is the one who works on the wardrobe truck and her job is to put the costumes in the actors’ rooms and maintain the costumes with breakdown (making things fake dirty and worn) and do laundry and sewing/alterations. She checked and said that she had put it in the actress’s room and that it had been left there. The piece of jewellery was run to the set and I approached the actress to give it to her.

Me-Hi! You forgot your charm bracelet so here it is. It goes on your left wrist.

Her-Yeah, I know. I don’t want to wear it. I don’t like it.

Me-You know what? (said in my best talking down to a pre-schooler voice) You wore it in the scenes prior and after the one we are shooting right now. It has been established on film.

Her-But I don’t wanna wear it. I just don’t.

Me –I am sorry but you have to wear it.

Her-I do not. I am not going to wear it.

Me-Why not? Does it hurt or pinch? I can fix it if it does.

Her-No, it is not that.

Me-Well, then what is up?

Her-I am just not feeling very braceletty today.

Me- Oh.

Well, what do you say to that? I eventually had to get an assistant director to back me up and she did end up wearing it but acted like it burned her flesh the whole day.

Now whenever I don’t feel like doing something I always say, in a petulant tone, that I am not feeling very braceletty today.

Stuff On MY Cat

Leave me alone! I am tanning here!

GET!

OFF!

Screw it!

I have often raved on and on about how much I LOVE my cat. And I mean in a totally sick and unhealthy way. I really love Yoshi. She has been so good to me through my whole chemo thing. Quiet and sweet when I needed to lay down and perky and funny when I needed to be cheered up. This cat rocks. One of her most favourite things to do on a sunny day is sleep in front of the window. She has a bed/blankie type situation on top of the TV stand. Often I have to watch the tube through her tail or legs hanging over the edge. They get really droopy in the sunshine. Today she has made a snivelly little moaning sound every time I have approached her on her perch. I guess she is getting proprietary about her rays now that fall is approaching. She is getting her tan while she is able.

A little while ago I found this site that makes me laugh out loud every day. It is called StuffOnMyCat.com. It is exactly what it sounds like. A site dedicated to pics of cats with stuff on them. All sorts of stuff. I have been truly amazed with the patience shown by various felines. I thought I’d see what Yoshi had to say about stuff being put on her. Would she like it as much as those other kitties? Let’s just say not so much.

Here are the results of my stuff experiment.

Pick Of The Crop

There is an apartment building behind my house that accommodates a few weird tenants. Over the years the vast majority of the really annoying ones have moved out. Like the professional photographer who was partial to late night shoots. It was not uncommon to be woken by his persistent strobe. Fucker. Then there were the Middle Eastern guys who would gather for late night Persian music festivals. Fuckers. But one weirdo remains. The Face Picker. I have a very unfortunate view of this lady from my kitchen. Every week or so she sets up a mirror on her window sill and scrapes her bangs off her face with hair clips for a 'Picking of Face' session lasting several gruesome hours. She picks and plucks and squeezes and pops. Seriously gross.

The first year of my tenancy there was a horrible incident in the house. The brother of the upstairs neighbour, who used to walk around with his cute shirtless self but that is another story, had a wild party. I remember it well as early in the morning I came upon a passed out dude lying in a pool of his own vomit right in front of my door. In any case that too is another story. I'll get back to the original tale. The party guests spent most of the evening on the fire escape, which faces this lovely lady's apartment. I guess she was quite taken with these cute young boys and started flirting from her window. I guess the guys were toasting her with their beer bottles. I guess she got her own bottle of beer and started toasting the guys back. I guess they made kissy faces and grabbed their crotches. I guess she hiked up her skirt a little. I guess they guys cheered her on a little more. I guess she liked that too. What happened next is something I really don't want to think about very much but the story in the house was that this fine upstanding lady, well into her 40's...um... inserted that beer bottle where the sun don't shine right in front of this group of young impressionable boys. I do remember hearing a chorus of disgusted noises and embarrassed laughter that night but didn't know what it all meant at the time. It because obvious later once I was privy to the story. She cleared that fire escape faster than actual flames would.

Whenever I see her picking at her face in the window (AKA: The Scene Of The Crime) I can only think about this incident. And then I throw up in my mouth a little.

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Weekend Round Up

I few days ago I mentioned that my cat Yoshi had begun to eat about twice the amount of food she has normally consumed for her whole life. I was worried that it might be diabetes or thyroid issues. Nope. Apparently it is just winter fat bulk up. Fattie McChunk is just packing on the poundage. It is actually visibly noticeable and lifting her is a whole new set of worries. Tubby McHuge has tapered off somewhat but is still eating far too much. But at least I don’t have to run to the vet with her, as I am apt to do with every little health thing. However a visit to Jenny Craig might be in our future.

Another health milestone was reached today. No more injections into my stomach every other day. With the end of chemo came the end of my Neupogen needles. I have to admit I am going to miss my nurse visits, as they are without exception a wonderful and sweet and kind and funny group of ladies. I suspect my whole apartment will begin a slow decent into slothitude now that I don’t have any reason to make the bed or do the dishes. In fact other than self-respect there is also no longer any need to bathe or brush my teeth. In reality I don’t have any further reason to get out of bed at all. My crazy cat lady role just got that much more believable. Deodorant shmerodorant.

I had a delightful day eating leftovers from last night’s yummy family dinner, reading smutty novels sent to my by Spoonie and napping. I had a one hour nap followed closely by a three hour nap. Then I laid on the couch and watched Emmy coverage on TV. Tonight will be further horizontal joy with the Medium premier and the second the last episode of The Show AKA: Rockstar:INXS.

Loving the lifestyle.

The Latest And The Greatest

I spent the afternoon at the Cancer Clinic today for something called a conference. What happens is you sit in an exam room wearing a gown and a doc who is not your normal doc reads over your file and comes in to examine you. Then he or she meets with your treatment docs and they discuss what is next for your treatment. So that is what happened to me. I am not really sure why I had to be there for the process and they really didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know. What is going to happen is that they are getting the referral ball rolling for my surgery and the process started for radiation therapy. The idea is that if the wait time for surgery is longer than 4-6 weeks then I will have radiation first. If surgery can be done soon then that will happen next. They just don’t want the radiation to be pushed back for months. Ideally it is better to have the surgery first as unradiated skin heals better and you get a better result on reconstruction. I hope the surgery can happen first because I want fabulous boobies.

I chatted with my radiation doc (who is male BTW) about the fact that I want a double mastectomy. He told me he doesn’t think it is medically necessary. He says just removing my right breast will be enough. I want both removed, as I just don’t trust the whole diagnosis process after everything that has happened to me. I have about a 25% chance of cancer occurring in my other breast in my lifetime and I am worried it won’t be found in time. My kind of cancer is notoriously more difficult to find. It doesn’t show up well with mammograms. I won’t get into all the details of my whole diagnosis again as you can read about that here but one day a lump was there when it wasn’t the day before. All the tests and docs said that it wasn’t cancer. When they discovered it was, in fact, cancer they thought it was very early stage. It was not-it had gone into my lymph nodes meaning chemo for me. It had been growing for years. I don’t ever want to have chemo again. I don’t ever want to have surgery and radiation again. I will have enough worry around cancer in my life without having an extraneous breast hanging around. I asked him what he would want for his wife. He said he would recommend for his wife just getting the one breast removed but would support a double mastectomy if the worry was too much. I think the worry will be too much for me. I want it off. I wouldn’t expect a guy to completely understand. I think he is very sympathetic being a cancer doc and all but he could never really KNOW! He said I could choose to have the other breast off at a later date but it could be a two-year wait for surgery. Why wait? Just have one surgery and get it all done at once. In any case I will be seeing a plastic surgeon and will figure it all out then. I think I may have to fight for this procedure and I don’t think that I should have to. I have been enough already. I am a very young woman with a lot of good years ahead of me and I want the best chances. 25% is a significant risk to me.

So that is where things stand right now with my treatment. In the meantime I have about 4 weeks off to get my blood counts back up and recover from chemo. Just in time for the new fall TV season. The slothitude continues…

Puppy Chow

When I was 19 years old during the late summer I went for a walk after dinner. This was unusual for me as I am normally a ‘sit in front of the TV sort of after dinner’ person but for some reason this night I wanted to scout the neighbourhood. I was several blocks from my home when I saw three people walking towards me with a beautiful Rottweiler on a leash. I love dogs and as I walked past this huge beast I looked into its eyes and thought to myself, “What a beautiful dog!” The very next second it lunged at me and pushed me to the ground. There was a man attached to the other end of the leash and he was no match for the power of this pooch. He was dragged behind like a limp rag. I have heard people say that when in crisis that time slows down and this is what happened to me. Total slo-mo. The dog had pushed me down so hard that I was laying in the middle of the street with the dog standing on me. He went for my throat and I blocked him with my right forearm. I have heard that Rottweilers have incredible jaw power and I can tell you this is true. The dog ripped a chunk out of my arm right through my denim jean jacket. The two other dog walkers were screaming and trying to pull the dog off of me but couldn’t. The dog was huge and really pissed. I managed to get up and onto my feet and the dog lunged at me again and pushed me down again. This time I used my left forearm to block his jaws. He bit my arm but hardly broke the skin this time. It was so surreal and it literally took all my strength to keep those teeth away from me. I kicked the dog and this distracted him. He went for my foot and sunk his jaws into the top of my foot and the rubber sole of my shoe. I think his teeth got caught in the rubber and so I kicked and was free again. At this point I was covered with frothy slobber from the dog. It was so thick on my shoes I had to throw them out after. It wouldn’t wash off. The dog was insane.

At this point I ran into somebody’s front yard and hammered on the door. It seemed like I waited there for ages and there was no answer so I walked onto the street and looked around wondering what I could do to get help. I was bleeding pretty badly at this point and it turned out that a really nice lady was home after all. She followed my blood trail onto the sidewalk and got me to sit down on the stairs. She turned out to be a nurse and kept my arm up over my head while she called my dad. My dad didn’t think it was very bad. I guess she didn’t tell him much except that I had been bitten by a dog and needed a ride. So my dad showed up in his flashy convertible expecting me to be the drama queen I really was. When he saw the gaping hole in my arm he got really pale. We drove to the hospital emergency room and they stitched me up and disinfected everything. My mom held my hand the whole time. Apparently I was really calm and made silly jokes through the whole process. I do tend to get funny while under pressure. I don’t know why.

The dog’s name turned out to be Giant and he was an abused dog. Not socialised and kept in a small cage for long periods. Coincidentally a friend of a friend lived next door to these dog owners and they actually kept a baseball bat on their porch as the dog used to lunge at then over the backyard fence. They had complained but since the dog had never escaped from the yard nothing was done. Back when this happened there was no dangerous dog laws and as a result I couldn’t even charge them criminally as the dog was never technically off its leach. Now things would be different. The owners did the right thing and phoned the local emergency room to check on me and did end up euthanizing the dog per the insurance company’s instructions. They couldn’t get house insurance otherwise. I did sue them civilly and they settled out of court for a very small sum. I regret I didn’t get more money, as the scars are pretty bad. At the time I was just thankful it wasn’t my face that was chewed up as that was where the dog was aiming. I have a sizeable scar on my right arm with some skin puckering as the dog actually ate part of me and the remaining skin had to close the gap. I have fang marks in my foot. I had nightmares for a while too.

When I first moved into my apartment the downstairs neighbour owned a Rottweiler named Günter. He was the biggest marshmallow but every time that dog rushed down the stairs to greet me my heart would pound. What I would do is focus on his frantically wagging stumpy tail to reassure myself he was coming for the lovin’. I am still nervous around Rottweilers but ok around other dogs.

I have always wondered what the dog saw in me that caused such a response. I had played earlier in the day with a friend’s Lab that was in heat. Maybe I smelled like frisky dog. But wouldn’t you think Giant would have just humped my leg instead?

WHINE!

If any of you have ever had a migraine headache then you know what I have been going through all day. Woke up at 5 am with a thumper. Yikes. So know post today other than this winge.

Looking forward to Rockstar:INXS tonight. Closet Metro and I call it The Show as we are sickly addicted and deconstruct the whole program each night picking apart performances and predicting outcomes. He has been more right than me. Waaay more right.

Spoiled Seriously Rotten

Seriously! I am one lucky girl. I got this HUGE parcel in the mail today from Spoonleg filled with wonderful goodies. And TONNES of it. She filled a box with books, and DVDs and scented candles, and nail polish and sudsy bath stuff and smelly foot soak stuff and candy and lip balm and cooling eye masks and more DVDs and WOW!!!!

Spoonie! Thanks so much! You are really too generous. This is the second lovely care-package I have received from this really cool chick. Your coolness is much appreciated here. Even Yoshi got treats. I love you and Yoshi loves you too. Just WOW!

Feelings

I was at the Cancer Clinic today for my first appointment with my radiation oncologist. He seems like a really great guy and I am once again amazed with the great team of doctors who have been taking care of me. He had with him a medical student that looked no older than 18 even though I know he was. He got to stand there while the oncologist examined my breasts and then I was asked if it was ok if he examined them too. Hell, why not. I have no dignity left. Feel me up. Whatever. So the youngster got the check them out too. Blushing bright red the whole time. I was oblivious. Hell! I have talked about constipation on my blog. Nothing is sacred. Anybody else want to feel me up?

So things are still up in the air but I will have 5 ½ weeks of radiation therapy at some point in my future. It looks like it will be most likely after more surgery as I want reconstruction and un-radiated skin heals better. That is all I know for now.

I am also feeling very good today. I was starving and am presently imitating my cat by eating everything in sight. I usually am not feeling too hungry yet after chemo so this is good. I chatted with Pablo on the phone tonight and he said my voice is sounding better. He had told me that during my chemo my voice had lost a certain quality and sounded almost metallic to him. Since I am just out of my last chemo I think this was much more to do with my mood. It is so nice now to enjoy the return of my appetite and energy without knowing it will all be gone again with a chemo. NO MORE! It is really starting to hit me now. Wooooooo!
I know I have a lot more ahead of me but overall I am feeling really good today.

Smelling Salts

I am up and about very quickly after this chemo. Probably the easiest one so far. Still a little nausea and the usual fatigue but it feels so good to think that I don’t have to go through this again. I have been lurking and stalking a few sites but mostly hanging out in bed with a good book. I always try to get to the library before each chemo and I did so this time. Lots of juicy and cheesy murder mysteries.

Something out of the ordinary did happen last night. I fainted. It could have been very embarrassing as I did it in the common hallway. Fortunately nobody saw me and got freaked out. I don’t have any memory of anything but I came-to laying on the floor in the hallway wondering what the FUCK happened. My usual nurse came this morning and took pulses and blood pressures and everything was fine. But freaky. I have never done that before. I remember feeling flushed but didn’t feel the faint coming at all. I was so confused when I woke up. I have no idea how long I was out. Really bizarre.

And Yoshi has got me worried a little bit. All of a sudden, out of the blue, her appetite has increased. A LOT! She is now eating double the food she normally does. I have tried to ride out the whining for food but she is persistent and I cave. Unfortunately an increase in appetite can mean thyroid issues or diabetes. Or maybe it is just winter fat she is putting on since the weather has become a little colder. I don’t know but I am worried. Anybody else had this happen to their cat before? She had better not be getting sick as she has been a very healthy cat so far.

Look at me! I got a Special Mrtl Distinquished Visiter Badge. Cool!
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Take A Good Look Because This Is The Last Time You'll See This Cute Face

I simply almost sorta cannot believe it but today is my last chemo. WAAAAAAHOOOO!
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The Dating Lame

I was visiting at Scotty Gee’s blog today and he was telling stories about his recent dating situation. He says things are really bad. I soooo relate Mr. Scottyhotpants. I have to admit I gave up on dating years ago. Like Scotty, I prefer to sort of know the person in a friendship way before moving on to dating. I have never been too keen on the idea of blind dates or dating type services. I just want it to happen naturally. How naive, I know. You would think that working in the film industry I would be exposed to a large dating pool of eligible men. Not so much and the few single guys I met were not interested in me. Here is the type of guy who asked me out from the film world:

1. Married men.
2. Men over the age of 55
3. Crazy ‘creative types’ who think the sun shines out of their asses. IE: Actors
4. A combination of the above

I have a hard and fast rule about dating married men. That would be NO! I don’t date men who have kids my age. That is just creepy. And I don’t date men who I have to fight for space at the mirror. No, you cannot borrow my bronzer…

Not to mention that I worked in the costume department and if I was not actually on the set I was surrounded by women. Lots of women. Or gay men.

I once went out with a very talented editor who was smart, funny, good looking and gainfully employed. What is the problem? He was totally nuts. He honestly thought he was God’s gift to the universe and that is really hard to be around. For instance, I warned him about my cat Yoshi and how she does not like to be petted by strangers. So he goes on and on how he is so special and that all animals love him and so would my cat. I reiterated how it was really not a good idea for him to touch her. He shrugged off my warning and tried to pet her. She hissed at him and gave him a swipe. So what does he do? He gets mad and insults her by saying she is about as smart as a bag of hammers. This is no way to capture my heart. This is my baby he is talking about. So when I get pissed I can get a bit mouthy. What was my reply? “The sooner you realise this the better off you will be. This cat’s hind leg is one thousand times more important to me than you are. I thought you should know.” He was totally insulted and the relationship, if you could call it that, didn’t go on much longer. I was totally fine with that and so was Yoshi.

It is hard enough to try and find somebody who is ok with dating a person with an anxiety disorder. I can totally understand that. I absolutely have limitations that can make being around me a little strange. Not to mention the fact that I don’t drink or do drugs. That has been a problem for guys before. But now I wonder what it will be like to go out into the single world again as a person who has had breast cancer as well. I will have some pretty serious scars. Mentally and physically. I expect my headspace might be different from what it was. How could it not be? My perception of my life and my body has had to drastically change. I also expect to have a double mastectomy in the near future and even with reconstruction my “fun sacks” are not going to be entirely fun. They are not going to be ‘perfect’ and I don’t know exactly how I am going to feel about them. They might even look a bit scary. I don’t know. But boobies are important to a lot of guys. Too important. Just look at all the ladies getting implants. The next guy in my life is going to have to be very understanding about what has happened to me.

He is also going to have to be an ass man.

Misc. Rumblings

I whipped out my cheffette hat yesterday and made myself a huge vat of chilli (feeep) for the freezer. I am an uninspired cook at best and only occasionally get up the gumption to plan ahead for meals. I am thinking I am going to be hella pooped after my next (and last) chemo and some chilli (pththt) might just hit the spot once my stomach is feeling up to it. While this chilli (phlurp) does include seasoning from a package it is still home made as far as I am concerned. The difference is that I opened up a shit load of cans to put in the pot opposed to opening a can of chilli (brapp) and just nuking it. A subtle difference but worthy in my eyes. I got really fancy and copied something that I saw in a foodie magazine and added chickpeas as well as kidney beans to the mix. I highly recommend this. Extra protein and very delicious. Good for us vegetarians.

I have been feeling extra nervous about my last chemo coming up this Thursday. I have been wondering why as you would think I would be ecstatic about this whole ordeal coming to an end, and I am, but what I really feel are nerves. I was thinking about it today and have decided that what I am feeling is actual excitement but with everything that has been going on over the last few months I have not had a whole lot to be excited about and have been feeling stress more than anything. Maybe I just don’t recognise excitement anymore. So I am trying to convince myself that I am actually thrilled opposed to scared. I’ll let you know what I get that happening…

I have to say I am feeling very heartened by all the cool help people have been offering to the hurricane victims. In my typical Kranki fashion I am finding myself more moved by the sad tales involving pets. The fact that many animal lovin’ folks had to leave theirs behind in order to get rescued is so upsetting to me. I have been assuring Yoshi that I would NEVER leave her. This sort of thing breaks my heart. Don’t forget the beasties everybody! Donate to the animal shelters too. Even if it is $5.

The Approach Of Autumn

In my mind summer is officially over. I know many of you out there are still caught in sweaty heat but up north here the season is through. They turned on the heat in my building yesterday. It happens the same way every year. Suddenly a strange metallic and dusty smell permeates throughout the house from a long unused furnace. Then a slow trickle of heated air farts from the vents eventually turning into an intense desert sirocco lasting until late next spring.

Yoshi quickly abandons her normal sleeping pad in front of the sunshiny window for the one in front of the main vent; unused for months. I will not see her for hours at a time. I am officially forsaken.

So begins a relatively lonely time for me where my chief source of amusement and company will not leave her heater vigil except to occasionally eat and poop. I am a heat register widow.

The heat that emits from the main vent is very strong. And very hot. It never ceases to amaze me that Yoshi does not collapse into a heap of dandruff flakes. I am in wonder that she does not entirely chap. The amount of hot air she sucks up would otherwise turn a camel into fruit leather. Cats are talented that way, I guess.

So begins the slow decline of sunshine and the return to the rainy season.

Yawnification

Some people can function on very little sleep. I am not one of these people and am very jealous of those who get through life on 6 hours a night or so. I have always wished I didn’t need Zs so much. My mom tells me I was sleeping through the night by 3 weeks of age. Even the lure of a warm bottle couldn’t wake me. I believe some people can naturally do with less sleep than others. Like they are born that way. Take my brother for instance. He is two years younger than me and from pretty much the time he could vault out of his crib he would stay awake and play in the toy box in the dark. My mom would hear him and get up and try to return him to his baby jail but he would just jump out again. Finally she would leave him to his own devises only to place him in bed once he had finally fallen asleep amongst his GI Joes in the wee hours. In fact, as we shared a room, his playing would wake me up and I would go into my parent’s room and whine that he was keeping me up. I was kranki even then. And I liked my sleep. My brother still fights to get to sleep at a reasonable hour. His body naturally wants to stay up late. He will probably always be that way.

When I don’t get enough sleep I feel crappy. Like I have drunk about 15 cups of coffee. My stomach gets gnarly and I get headaches that can easily turn into migraines. What is normal sleep for me? I would say 10 hours a night. Honestly, I need that much sleep to feel human. I can make do occassionaly with 8 hours. When I say there are not enough hours in the day to get stuff done I am not kidding. My days are short.

When I was working in the film industry doing 12-18 hour days I was miserable. I did not function well and spent my entire weekends trying to catch up on my sleep. I would sleep for 24-hour periods trying to get ready for the week ahead. I effectively had absolutely no life between working and trying to get enough sleep. That is the main reason why I had to quit the industry. I was getting sick. I have suffered pneumonia and severe anaemia from total exhaustion. And in the film industry you simply cannot call in sick.

So why bring up the topic of sleep right now? Well, very occasionally when I get to sleep and something wakes me up before I get really comatose I won’t be able to sleep the whole night. This happens maybe 4 times a year and it happened last night. I was up all night reading because my neighbour’s cat started wailing (she is out of town) and it woke me up right after I dropped off. Fortunately I had a great book to read of I would have been really out of sorts. Like killing people out of sorts. My cat loves it when I am up all night and compounds my frustration by licking my ear periodically. Usually just when I am starting to get drowsy. I fling her off the bed and then she roars around the house, back end skidding out on the hardwood floors, waking the dead with her stampeding. It just gets plain ugly.

Today I am so grumpy I fear for anybody who knocks at my door. I am fidgety and unable to stay still. I can’t stop yawning and my jaw is starting to ache. I don’t want to actually do anything. I should lie down and try to snooze but I hate that dozy feeling you get from sleeping a lot during the day. I have already called my mom and bitched to her. I even scared the cat with all my arm waving.

Some people get off on the surreal feeling from sleep deprivation. I wish this was fun for me. I feel crappy. I can’t even find any humour to make this post funny. I wish I could be funny right now. I think I am going to go back to bed and start the day over. Take my chances. Redo!

WTF?

I was watching the news the other night and found out some very shocking information. I found out that Canada has offered financial aide as well as actual physical aide to the US to help with Hurricane Katrina victims and not one peep has been heard back from the US government. We have many urban search and rescue teams, all volunteers, willing, ready and able to go rescue people but nobody has returned their calls as to where they are needed most. Our military has huge water purification machines, last employed during the tsunami disaster, loaded onto planes ready to fly down but nobody in the US military has replied to their queries as to where they can go. Our government agencies and Prime Minister have made phone calls to the US government and the President asking what is needed and nobody will give out that information.

What is going on!!!??? I thought you guys should know about this. Maybe a call or fax to your local state representative might be in order.

***UPDATE-just on the news: Help is on the way. Planes and boats of supplies are en route from Canada. There will be Search and Rescue folks as well as food/water and transportation available. I don't know how this was co-ordinated but I think things will start to get better overall. The National Guard looks like they are there too. Good news.

T-Shirt Lovin'

Most of you know already that Amanda B's and her husband's home was badly damaged during Hurricane Katrina. Damned near destroyed, actually. They are well and safe and staying with family right now. Scotty Gee, our uber talented cutie blogger has graciously designed a t-shirt via Cafe Press to help Amanda B rebuild her home. Buying a t-shirt will allow Scott to send Amanda B the profits. How great is that? So please go to his site to see what is what. You can see the T-shirts here. They are amazing. Visit Amanda B's site here and say hello.

Orgy Photo

MINE!! ALL MINE!!!
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Holy WOW!

The spoilage continues. I am one lucky girl and you will have to agree. Today the mail came and in it was a lovely book about cats (my favourite people) from my cousin P. Inside this sweet book was a lovely letter with a photo of P and her husband P toasting to my continued good health. How great is that? Thanks so much P! Then about 30 minutes later there was another ring at my doorbell and it was the UPS guy. Lo and behold he gave me a huge box from Closet Metro! I opened that puppy up and inside was a HUGE TRAY OF BROWNIES! Homemade ones with his very own hands! Sweet Jesus! And then after I cut into this slab of goodness I discovered that inside the brownies was a layer of milk chocolate and caramel. What Closet Metro doesn’t know is that caramel and milk chocolate is my favourite combo IN THE WORLD. I can’t tell you how many Caramilk bars have been consumed over the last few months. How did he know?!?! What a sweetheart! Thanks for the chocolate orgy, Closet M!

I am totally blown away here.