Life in the Slow Lane

Life in the Slow Lane

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

My Unhealthy Semi-Stalkerish Crush

I am officially halfway though my radiation as of today. So far I am experiencing minimal side effects. I am a little tired and am apt to fall asleep on the couch in front of the TV on occasion. I did that before I got sick so that is not a big change for me anyway.

I got out of the house for an official “Night Out” on Monday to see my boyfriend, Henry Rollins, do a spoken word gig. I call Mr. Rollins my boyfriend because I am sad and alone and he is whom I would consider the perfect guy for me. He is smart, funny, passionate about what he does and away a lot of the time on tour. I am a gal her likes her space so that is just great for me. I try to take a person each time that doesn’t know anything about Henry Rollins so that I can spread the joy. I took my mom with me this time. I have to admit that I had some doubts that she would like Henry but she did, in fact, laugh quite a bit. Fortunately he didn’t go too into his masturbatory practises like he has in past shows. He didn’t talk too much about punk music this time either so she wasn’t lost with that. He ranted about US politics which I love as I enjoy his version of things and his ideas on how to change the status quo. Don’t get him started about the war in Iraq. He does many USO tours in the areas where most celebrities fear to tread. He talks the talk but walks the walk as well.

I was hoping to take a surreptitious photo for your viewing pleasure but while in line we got a stern talking to by a security dude who looked like he ate steroids for breakfast. If we were to take a photo of Hank we would be thrown out. End of story. And I saw it happen too. Somebody took a photo near me with her cell phone without a flash and she was picked up physically and carried out of the theatre. Zowie! We were searched for contraband before going in and my mom, who turns 72 at the end of the month, gamely offered her purse for the search as well as assumed the pat down stance, arms out and legs spread. She was let off the hook and told by the rent-a-cop that she didn’t look like a troublemaker. I told her she should get drunk and rowdy at the bar and then heckle Henry and prove them wrong. All 5’3” of her standing up and yelling, “FUCKER!”

But it was a tiring night out for me and I went straight home and to bed where I dreamed about Henry falling in love with my mom, the badass heckler.


Closet Metro said...

I'm so glad that you got out and had some fun. Your mom is the coolest AARP member ever.

Dima said...

Woohoo for being halfway through your treatment.

I love Henry too. He cracks me up. Can I go with you next time. I've never seen him live, so that would sort of work :)

JessicaRabbit said...

Thats great, we got tickets to see him at the Rave in Milwaukee in the mail, they send out these buy two drinks get in free tickets, but then the drinks are ten dollars each... we wanted to go but Nick couldnt get off work that night and I wont drive that far alone. Phooey. I have seen him doing his thing on tape and tv specials though and he rocks...

whfropera said...

I've mentioned before that I think you and I are related at some point, vK, what with the costuming and all, but of course, this clinches it, because Rollins is IT. I've seen him do spoken word in a small theater that holds 100+ people, I saw Black Flag open for I think, the English Beat eons ago, and I have seen Rollins Band up close and personal - we had backstage passes and mmmmm...he is talented and yummy. But I will back off, because I think it is only right that he should be yours.
Ladies, you will leave the theater in a puddle of lust - the energy that emanates from that man is amazing!!
And that is beyond cool that your mom went with you!

Candace said...

Proving once more that I suck; I forgot to email you before your night with Henry!

Did he talk about his TransSiberian railway trip?

He is SO amazing!

We had the same camera thing; I actually had to go put mine back in our car before they'd let me in. Bastards!

Apparently he comes to Cincinnati every year; I never knew. We'll definitely be going back next year.

circe said...

Kranki, As per your usual witty insights, this was terrific! I wish your mom had got drunk and started yelling obscenities just to show you cannot judge a book by its cover.
Yeah, HR is a hottie also...And he's with my man in The Chase. He's Officer Dobbs!

mrtl said...

Yay! You got to see him! How sweet! ::swoon::

Ern said...

Wow, that's some tight security!

Divine Calm said...

I'm impressed that your dream didn't freak you out. I CANNOT envision my mother ever dating anyone like HR. Funny thought for the day though. Thanks :)

Susie said...

Oh, I'm so glad you got to do that, and share with your mom, too! Now we see where you get your COOOOOOL.

Erin Mc said...

I love me some Henry Rollins too. I saw him once in college, and definitely want to see him again.

Glad to hear you're halfway done.

Holy Schmidt said...

Yum, yum Henry!

eclectic said...

Ha! Mom the heckler. That's good stuff!!

kalki said...

Thank god for celebrity boyfriends. ;)

spoonleg said...

sounds like fun! hmmm, who can be MY celebrity boyfriend? I'm thinking Heath Ledger might be interested...

spoonleg said...

PS, I don't even know who Henry Rollins is. **Ducks**

Amanda B. said...

Dr. Luka Kovac could kick Henery Rollins boo-tay.

Von Krankipantzen said...

Closet m-it was really nice to get out. I hate to sound like a goof but what does AARP stand for?

dima-it's a date!

jessica rabbit-I so highly recommend his shows. Well worth two drinks. I shelled out $35 per ticket.

whfropera-we must be related on some level as you are one of the few ladies I know who lusts after him as I do. He is a hunk of burning love. ;-) I would love to have seen him in a super small venue. LUCKY!

misfit-so glad you loved him too. Yes he went on about the Trans Siberian trip and grossed us all out TOTALLY!

circe-that film is on my DVD list. I also wish mom would have lost it somehow. Maybe next year.

mrtl-swoon INDEED!

ern -it was a bit freaky. Especially since everybody was so mellow.

divine calm-I awoke slightly nauseous! Mom! Stay away from my man!

susie-I have to admit my mom is pretty cool. I was so glad she went.

erinmccalla-each show is different from the last so they are always great.

holy schmidt-yummy is exactly right.

eclectic-it is even funnier when you actually know her. Heckling so SOOO not her thing.

kalki-I know you know what I mean! John STAMOS!

spoonleg-mmmmm-Heath! UM! Some Henry spoken word CDs are on the way to you.

Amanda b-OH NO! You so did not say that! It is ON!

whfropera said...

um...AARP is American Association of Retired persons.
Hey did you ever get my package from the radio station?