Life in the Slow Lane

Life in the Slow Lane

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

I've Been A Very Bad Girl

Sorry for the late post but I had a doctors appointment for a MRI today. It was a piece of cake opposed to the nightmare I thought it might be. I had one done a few years ago at a different hospital and I was told that particular machine is quite old and resembles a cigar tube into hell. I get claustrophobic and being crammed into that baby freaked me out. This time, with a newer machine, the experience was much more pleasant. Part of the reason for this was that the tube is much roomier in the newer models. I also had an Ativan.

This experience brings a movie equivalent to mind when that fat kid gets stuck in the tube after he falls into the lake of chocolate in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Except at The Cancer Agency there is no chocolate involved. There was when I got home. I made sure of that.

But Ativan makes me sleepy and once home I fell asleep in front of the TV almost immediately and then got up and transferred my drugged up ass to bed. Even Yoshi and her Breath Of Satan could not rouse me for her 6-pm-on-the-dot-dinner-hour. She has an amazing sense of time. I could set my watch to her stomach. Anyway, I just got up.

But getting back to my MRI. Today I was met with a request that I have never had before. One that raised my eyebrows towards my now nonexistent hairline. I had two sets of scans done. The first one was of my lymph nodes. The second one was of The Girls. For that last scan they handed me two crossed pieces of tape and asked me to stick these two gelatine type pills to my nipples. The first thing I said was, “Kinky!” The second thing I said was, “OK!” So that is what I did. One does not disobey the MRI nurses. Not without a spanking. I taped those gelatine orbs onto my nipples PRONTO. And it was fun. I had to know why this was necessary and they said that the stuff that is in the capsules glowed on the MRI shots so they knew exactly where your nipples were. I guess that is important. Or the nurses just do if for their own freaky kicks. Whatever.

I wore the capsules home.

21 comments:

LadyBug said...

That's hilarious, Kranki.

Since you're a jewelry-maker, maybe you could fashion them into some fancy pasties?

Candace said...

Kinky indeed!

laura said...

I've worn those little metal snaps from the mammogram home before. I found them rather fascinating. I'm glad your MRI was hellish, and you got to have fun with your gelatin capsules.

Bucky Four-Eyes said...

It's always job #1 to make sure one knows where the nipples are.
I lie awake and night and worry about where my nipples are. Farther south every day...

Susie said...

kranki, maybe next time you could swipe some extra glow-in-the-dark gelatin for Bucky? And Jim, I mean.

You know, many of us could use them. Or we could trick people in the dark by taping them HIGHER than they have a right to be . . . you may have started something, here, kranki . . .

kalki said...

Why haven't I been to this blog before? Seriously, I have been missing out on this for how long? Geez.

Anyway, I read your cat vs. cute babies comment over at mrtl's today and knew immediately that I liked you. So I dropped by. If you don't mind, I think I'll hang out for awhile.

I'm Kelly, by the way.

Von Krankipantzen said...

ladybug-they woudl be some kinda pasties. I could do Madonna proud.

misfit-who knew that a trip to the cancer clinic could broaden my horizons so much.

laura-metal snaps?! I don't remember those. Sounds equally kinky and very facinating. Must request those next time.

bucky-the first thing that pooped into my mind is "it is 3 am and do you know where your nipples are?" said in a low and authoritative voice. Overall I think that that is a good policy - know where your nipples are.

susie-they looked to me to be vitamin E capsules or something. Sadly only do they glow in a MRI. If I could figure out something that glowed in a black light I would so make them. Free pair to Bucky for testing purposes.

Kalki-welcome!! A free testing pair for you too. Thanks for stopping by. Lots of cat photos here.

Ern said...

Your nipples are at the level of a particular rib. But that doesn't make it any less kinky!

Von Krankipantzen said...

ern- I wondered why but I was asking so many questions I was making them behind in their schedule. It is nice to have a resident medical expert. Now that is pretty kinky too.

The Merry Widow said...

"I wore the capsules home."

Ha!

snaps79 said...

My cat Ezzy has a habit of waking me up at about 445 every morning for a massage. It is NOT food related - she will headbutt my head, my hands, lick my eyelids, paw at my hair - it's insane. They know that they don't until mama's alarm goes off each morning, but as soon as I've got both feet planted on the floor, they're off and running for their wet food din din!

mrtl said...

Am I the only one wondering about the eyebrows? Why don't they fall out, too? Or do they?

Kranki, you're asking to be spanked, aren't you?

Von Krankipantzen said...

merry widow-I am sure you would have as well. They were really something.

hdl-those little beasties don't know how much they are putting their lives on the line by bugging the mama at that hour. But it is hard to say no. Yoshi will sleep all day and wake up whining at EXACTLY 6 pm. It is uncanny.

mrtl-ah yes. The eyebrows. Actually just the last couple days they are looking a little scraggy. I don't know if they are falling out more or just not growing back in with normal shedding. But I still have them and my eyelashes if not anything else. But for how long?

And don't you be threatening spankings you can't follow through with! ;-)

laura said...

I just read back and realized I said I was glad your MRI was hellish. You know what I really meant, don't you? DON'T YOU? I meant not hellish.

Von Krankipantzen said...

laura-I DO I DO!

Susie said...

I do like the glow-in-the-dark nipple locator idea; maybe we could get a patent, and sell them on our blogs. Wanna go into business with me? Bucky could be the model :0

Von Krankipantzen said...

susie-I would absonipply love to go into business with you. And Bucky must be our spokesboobies.

Bucky Four-Eyes said...

With the total lack of shame you've come to expect from me, I graciously accept.

Von Krankipantzen said...

Bucky-are you saying tht your boobs are at our command? Just wait until I tell Susie!

Squirl said...

You'll have to ask Jessica R if Bucky's boobs are at anyone's command this weekend.

Von Krankipantzen said...

squirl-Are you saying that I have to make an appointment with Bucky's boobs? Do they have an agent?