Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-Monday's Dose of Brutal Karma

Yeah, Friday's crushing photo. Umm.... I have two words for you.

Bitter Irony.

I woke Thursday to a migraine headache that proceeded to get worse and worse over Friday and the weekend and even today my head throbs and tingles. Hence no cute photo of Yoshi.

God is crushing my head.

I've been cosmically busted.

FINALLY!! Pokey McSlowerson

Here it is! What you've been waiting for. A piccie of my post reconstruction hooties and post chemo hair grow-out. I am wearing pink to celebrate with Sharkey. Also because it makes me look hawt. Or maybe that is the hot flashes.

~Nipples Not Included~

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-Compliments of the Nimble Fingers of MRTL

Last week I received a package from Mrtl and inside were items of such awe-inspiring magnificence I curled up on the floor and wept like a leeeetle guuuurl. Thanks, Mrtl. Seriously, thanks.

Aren't I FAAAAAbulous?


Like...whatevER!

Can it get any better? Oh, yes. Yes it can.

*faints dead away with emotion*

*Humbly accepts applause from devoted fans*


Relaxing in Cannes.

Incoherent

I am a total asshole. There is a serious lack of posting around these parts and it is completely my fault. I owe a photo of myself to Sharkey to celebrate her 5th Re-Birthday and I thought this would also be an excellent way to show you all how much my hair has grown out as well as a bit of cleavage with the new hooties. I even have the outfit picked out and everything. Here is the problem; being a single genteel lady living on my own who the fricking hell can I get to take my photo? I tried to set up some timer balancing act with my camera on various surfaces with crappy results. I have to get one of my parents over to take the photo. Or go to Sears Portrait Studio. So I’m sorry but you all will have to wait.

I cooked up some CDs for Kristine per her heartfelt request but both yesterday and today I got to the post office after closing so the envelope sadly sits in my car weeping softly to itself. Hold on Kristine! It’s coming!

I would love to tell you all about how much my neighbour hates my ass and describe the look on her face as she glares at me every chance she gets. Sadly it has come to my attention that people Googling my full name are directed to this supposedly anonymous site. In no place does my name appear in any posts or comments so I have no idea how this is happening. **If anybody can help me with this issue I’d love your input.** I’ve noticed lots of folks getting to my blog via my name lately so I have to be a little more circumspect with my rantings until I get this all figured out. I am fully convinced that this lovely lady’s wrath shooting through her fingertips would short circuit a computer if she tried to research me but just in case I won’t be getting into any details. Yet…

So has anybody had any experiences ordering prescription glasses via an internet site? I’ve found a fabu set of frames (in an olive colour) but, of course, cannot be sure they will suit me. I also argue with myself over paying half the price for online lenses opposed to getting the prescription filled here in town where I can deal easily with any potential problems. Any horror stories? Or did you get a great product at a great deal?

I dropped off some stuff I cleaned out of my storage space at the Salvation Army today. While there I poked around in some bins and found a freaking great set of mid century stainless steel serving dishes with gorgeous Bakelite handles and feet. $5 for the both of them!! SCORE!

Lulu My Almost Dog went on her very first camping trip this weekend. You can see pics at my friend’s Facebook site. I’m not sure if you have to join to view photos. Let me know if you have trouble and I will try to get the original jpegs posted.

HEY! Thanks so much for sending out birthday cards to Shane. I appreciate it and I'm sure he will be thrilled.

So I’m sorry I am such a lousy friend but I can promise you a fabulous Crush Your Cat’s Head Friday compliments of MRTL this week. It will be the best one EVAH!

Redemption is mine!

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-Long Weekend

She gave me the day off.

A Small Gesture

I remember when I was going through cancer treatment all your comments, emails, care packages and phone calls meant so much to me. Feeling isolated is very common as well as feeling useless while you just wait for your treatment to do its thing in your body.

Recently I saw on another blog (which I cannot find again so if it was your blog give me a shout out so I can credit you) as well as on my local news station a story about a young boy, Shane Bernier, in Eastern Canada undergoing very difficult treatment for Leukemia. It is his 8th birthday on May 30th and he is trying to break the word record for the most greeting cards received.

The funny thing (funny odd not funny haha) is that a few years ago I worked on the film about the boy in England, Craig Shergold, who now holds the new Guinness World Record of 350 million cards while he was undergoing treatment for a brain tumour several years ago. It was called 'Miracle of the Cards'. Ah yes, the interconnectedness of all things.

So I ask you fabulous supportive people to, if you can, pop a card in the mail for this little guy.

Shane Bernier
PO Box 484
Lancaster, Ontario
K0C 1N0
Canada

Here is a video featuring the news story I saw.

You guys KICK ASS!

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-Ready For Convertible Weather

Very Jackie-O

Very Marilyn

Catching Up

I was driving around my old neighbourhood today and saw the most charming sight although my first impression was of shock but not for what you’d think. Initially what caught my eye were two huge muscular guys walking down the street. Like enormous hulking guys. Bald. Wearing wife beaters. Picture Mr. Clean but covered in tattoos including their heads. Mr. Dirtys as such. Really tough and scary. That was the shocking part. The part that charmed me was that they were holding hands. It made my day.

Sunday was the Vancouver Marathon and the route turned out to go right by my apartment. Not a big deal since I live in a hip urban centre and such. This is all part of the package. What was not so great was that people lined up outside at 7:30 am and started cheering and clapping. Then what added insult to injury was that some very energetic, supportive and inspired person (aka-assclown) had a cowbell and was ringing the shit out of it. As I lay there planning on where I was going to move so I never found myself in such a predicament again one of my neighbours yelled out the window, “SHUT UP WITH THE BELL! IT IS 7:30 AM ON A SUNDAY!” They stopped for 20 minutes. So despite Christopher Walken’s assurances to the contrary there are in fact times when you can actually have too much cowbell.

So remember that meme a lot of us did a week or so ago? I did it but visited Bucky’s site and saw her answers and was completely annihilated with laughter. Her answers rocked. So I asked for some questions from her because I knew they’d be really funny and I was so right. Sadly I cannot do them the justice they deserve but here we go…

1. With all the costumes, Yoshi is now ready to take her one-feline show on the road. What kind of spectacle is “Yoshi: the Musical”? Describe in detail.

Now this is a fantastic question and it required some serious thought. Here goes.

First of all it simply cannot be a one feline show as that goes against the whole ‘cat as supreme being and the rest are minions’ mentality that all cats possess. So in fact there would be back-up singers and dancers (think J-Lo type show) but hairier. Yoshi would also have her very own Harajuku Girls to pantomime her every thought to the audience.

The play list includes such hits as:

-The Hills Are Alive With the Sound of Horking

-The Purry With the Fringe on Top

-Look At Me, I’m Full of Fleas

-I Feel Pretty…Hungry.

-Could We Eat Again Please?

-Hair...Balls

-Matuna Pissoffa

-Scratch-a, Scratch a, Scratch me.

-Not Listening To You/Pet Me, Feed me

-Tinfoil Ball Wizard

-SupercalifragilisticexpialOdorous Litter Boxes

In a nihilistic minimalist neo-apocalyptic statement on stage Yoshi would sleep soundly throughout the performance on a bed of nails while surrounded by soft catnip scented pillows.

Fin.

2. From now on, for the rest of your life, you get one food and one beverage that you must eat and drink exclusively. In your ideal world, what would they be? In the worse-case scenario, what would be the most distasteful food/drink combo that could be picked for you?

-If asked this question last year I would have unhesitatingly yelled SUSHI! but after my food poisoning debacle a lifetime of seaweed flavoured dry heaves is unthinkable. So as of now I am going to say a Milestone’s Veggie Burger with mushrooms and mozza cheese with a side of curly fries and watercress dip. For a drink I would say Barq’s Root Beer and for dessert I would like a chocolate malt. The worst meal would be SUSHI! or anything one is required to eat on Fear Factor.

3. Who will play you in a movie of your life? You may also include a supporting cast if you are so inclined.

-If I go by looks and similarities that way I would be played by Sandra Bullock (I’ve been told many times that I REMIND people of her) (sorta like the ugly kid sister) and my dad would be played by Alan Alda as they look like they could be brothers. My mom would be Mitzi Gaynor due to another uncanny resemblance. My brother would be played by Ben Affleck because his granny-in-law thinks he looks like him and my sister-in-law would be played by Juliana Margulies cuz she has dark curly hair. Yoshi would be played by Charlize Theron.

Now if we had to go by personality I’d be played by Janeane Garofolo, my dad by Benny Hill, my mom by Martha Stewart, my brother by Spock, my sister-in-law by Kristina Matisic of The Shopping Bags and Yoshi would be played by Zsa Zsa Gabor.

4. It is within your power to decree that one television series, from any period in TV history, can be banished to a black hole, never to be seen again, not even in syndication. What show would it be and why?

-The first show that popped into my head was Dallas because, Hello!, annoying. And because truly nobody can relate to it on any level. Rich, bossy oil tycoon and dysfunctional family….nobody I know. Also that It Was All a Dream -JR Didn't Get Shot After All cop-out really pissed me off.

5. Would you rather be poor and respected or rich and despised?

-Sadly this should be very cut and dry with me saying “Respected and poor, OF COURSE!” Duh. Yet… Here is the thing. It would totally depend on why I was despised. Am I hated because of the way I earned my money? Like through slavery or puppy mills or draining pension funds? If I would hate myself for the method of my wealth gathering then, yes, I would rather be poor and respected. BUT! If I was just despised because I was rich and people were jealous then I’d totally want to be wealthy and hated because I know in my heart I’d give a lot to charity and help my friends and family. That is all that matters to me. And the more I am loathed and rejected by the public then the more money there is left over for meeeeeeeee. The way my job life has been so far I have had more lean years than abundant ones. When I do have financially flush times I use the cash to catch up from those lean times. I have simply never had a lot of disposable income so just for once in my life I would like to be rich and take care of my friends and family. Oh, and shop my ass off.

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-Roly-Poly

Hmmmm...What does this mean?

What does this have to do with Yoshi?

Other than making me feel hungry what's with the pastries?

Yeah, the Vancouver Canucks lost but so what? Where's the damned cat?

Obviously very delicious but I just don't understand. What could this all possibly mean?

Aaaaahhhhhh.

On a Roll

I have been very remiss in my blogging duties lately and each night I fully intend to sit down and write something highly interesting, intellectual and introspective but then suddenly see something shiny out of the corner of my eye and I thereby enter a trance-like state of sorts and forget all about my blogging intentions.

The fact is this; for some reason I am going through a highly Energetic Phase which is very unlike my normal Every Day Lethargic Phase for the last couple years. Between breast cancer, multiple treatments, 5 surgeries, horrific anxiety and my very own personal pity party I have been sitting on my ass watching a lot of TV lately and doing very little else. Why so hyper now? I am not sure if it is Springtime, my fabulous antidepressants kicking in or melamine poisoning in my Wheaties causing me to feel able to get vertical but I am not wasting this energy spike by trying to ascertain its cause.

Here is a list of what I have been up to the last couple weeks:

-completely cleared out my closet and all my drawers resulting in 3 black garbage bags of old clothes and stuff to be given to charity as well as a huge bag to be thrown away.

-drove all that stuff to the Salvation Army.

-multiple trips to IKEA for all those little bits I desperately need to make my house a home blah blah blah (totally falling for marketing hype).

-2 trips to the vet with dogs and cat (my friend’s animals which includes Lulu) for the dogs’ booster shots and tests for the cat who perhaps was fed tainted food. The cat is not poisoned but has urinary crystals. He also has a very bad case of the grumpies.

-2 trips each week to therapy plus a routine check-up at the Cancer Agency (everything is fine) as well as an appointment at my brain doc for happy meds. I also had a visit from my fabulously nice home care nurse (actually he is a murse [man nurse]) for my monthly injection to put me in menopause. That is a whole other post which I will get to another day when I am not having a hot flash. I also got my eyes tested. Still blind.

-plucked my eyebrows.

-went to Canadian Tire for compact fluorescent light bulbs (to do my bit for greenhouse gasses), bins for organising my storage locker, and fabulously cool new windshield wipers.

-repaired a chip in my bathtub as well a fixed caulking issues with precise wielding of razor blade.

-did my income tax return.

-organised my filing cabinet.

-vigorously brushed cat and then vacuumed for hours picking up all the mini Yoshi’s rolling around.

-recovered cat scratching post with new carpet.

-spent several hours going through all sorts of my stuff which was damaged by a water leak in the basement several months ago and put everything in plastic bins. Threw out 2 black garbage bags of moldy papers and photos.

-helped my folks clean on two different days.

-washed my car inside and out which took 3 hours. Went as far as to use Q-Tips for crevices. Also cleaned all the junk from my trunk and vacuumed there too.

-obsessively researched the prices of new eyeglasses online (see above blindness issues).

-watched the entire second season of Grey’s Anatomy on DVD. Now has unhealthy crush on Denny Duquette character.

-dumped out and washed all my spice jars. I am getting fresh contents so I am inspired to cook more.

-cleaned up and rewired nice lamp I found by the dumpster.

-attended a 3 hour course.

-bought two gifts in two different parts of town.

-did research for my business plan.

-cleaned my apartment in a very anal manner.

-completely disconnected my computer and all the peripherals and reconnected them in an obsessively tidy way including a revolting amount of zip ties.

-went on mini shopping trip at great store in crappy part of town. Got good deals but almost got mugged.

-read 6 books.

-polished my stainless steel cutlery.

-shopped online for Father’s Day and Christmas presents. I KNOW! Sick.

And tomorrow I am taking my car in for repairs, getting my hair coloured and washing all my floors. Then sometime over the next week I will be helping my mom make a new bed skirt, shopping for new eyeglasses, taking the dogs to the dog park, getting my clothing dryer fixed, researching materials for my business plan which means visiting distant warehouses, attending physio for my shoulder affected by my last reconstruction surgery, driving an hour to a nearby town to see my friend’s new puppy, going back to IKEA to exchange a lamp shade once they get new stock, making pillow covers, getting a pedicure and a bikini wax, buying some little replacement bits for my car and fixing my fax machine.

I cannot stop doing stuff.

It is kinda cool.

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-T and A

Wide load!

Kitty Cleavage

An Apt Analogy For Blogging

This is me on the blogging treadmill. Don't have much to talk about right this second. Busy with lots of appointments and errands. This is good but not that amusing for you. Maybe the funny will come back by tomorrow.

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-To Kill a Mockingturd

Why do I bother trying to enhance her sleeping comfort when she throws it back in my face like this?
Little shit!

A Guest Post From Opera Gal

I am lending my blog to WHFROpera (Opera Gal) for her meme results. I asked the hard questions and she stepped up and provided fantastic answers. The chain continues and Yoshi's head remains intact.

1. Which would you choose for a treat and why?

-a mani/pedi
I actually had a dream last night I got one...does that mean I'm overdue?
-a chocolate buffet
Who is lying naked in the steam table? (Just asking y'know..for a *friend*)
-shopping for a new pair of shoes
Damn - I just bought the world's ugliest utilitarian shoes 2 weekends ago.

Survey says....#2, but only if Chris Chelios is on the steam table.

2. Tell us all about an embarrassing thing you have done after a few drinks?

ok, this may not be entertaining enough...I am one of those people who actually keeps their composure after a few (although my verbal volume may go up a few decibels - it's all that *opera* training, y'know ! )

- but I vaguely remember a cast party that I threw at my apartment where I ran downstairs to answer the door, and fell UP the stairs on my way back, twisted around, and landed on the top stair, WITH MY DRINK INTACT.

3. If you could travel anywhere in the world tomorrow where would you go and why?

http://www.portoelounda.com/

Click on Six Senses spas

Why? Um...I haven't had a day off in who knows how long, and why Greece? See answer to number 1.

4. Would you shave off all your hair for a $10,000 donation to your favourite charity? How about lick a public washroom door handle? Would you eat 20 maggots?

yes, yikes, and possibly - how drunk am at the time?

5. What is your favourite work of art and why?

damn, I was afraid of this question...

Filmed work of art - The Third Man - starring Orson Welles. Its beautiful to look at and brilliant. Lawrence of Arabia is a close second.

Painted piece of art - Erte, although technically, not paintings, but lithos. So sue me.

Sketched piece of art - the entire Sandman series by Neil Gaiman and a whole slew of artists - these are *brilliant* comic books, people

Recorded piece of music, classical - Beethoven's "Waldstein" piano sonata as performed by Alfred Brendel.

Recorded piece of music, opera - Don Giovanni, Mozart/DaPonte, Harnoncourt conducting, and America's hottest baritone as the Don - Thomas Hampson.

Recorded piece of music, rock - Every damn thing REM recorded up to and including "Automatic for The People", everything Bowie recorded before Tin Machine, and every Tom Waits album, no exceptions. I also like Dead Can Dance.

Sculpted work of art - I really like "found" pieces. Ones that aren't really sculptures, but become that way over time. One of the most amazing things I ever saw was a burned-out car that over time really and truly became a sculpture as it decomposed.

Written work of art - the entire canon of Charles Dickens
Raymond Chandler is a close second.

Digital piece of art - Diablo II - a really good video game, and for its time, very beautiful to listen to and look at.

****Stop by MRTL's place and check out her contest. I can't wait to see the submissions.****

Don't Break The Chain or Yoshi's Head Will Explode

I was hanging out at Eclectic's Place and she posted a meme where she had to answer questions another blogger had asked her. It was cool. So I signed up to be given questions by her to answer too. Check it out below and see if you want to become part of the meme chain.

1. Which book or movie has captured you the most as an adult, and why?

Probably the book AND movie that has captured me the most as an adult is ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ by Harper Lee. I have honestly lost track of how many times I have read it and just recently got a replacement book as my poor paperback had disintegrated with use. It is such a fantastic story about a little piece of the south and the way things were. The good and the bad. Each character is so rich and interesting. It is one of the few times the movie has lived up to the excellence of the book. And Gregory Peck playing Atticus Finch makes me all gooey inside.

Now after sounding all high falutin’ with literary pretense and such I also have to admit that I recently saw ‘Borat’ and nearly suffocated myself from laughing so hard. I can’t get various parts out of my mind (like a certain fight scene) and I often find myself chuckling out loud in weird places like the shower or in line at the bank.

2. You're at the ocean. You'd rather: a) sleep alone in the sun; b) swim, sail or body surf; or c) picnic with friends?

The very first answer that popped into my mind was a) sleep alone in the sun because I am totally antisocial that way. But then the thought of a nice picnic with friends sounded great too. Then going sailing seemed like a nice idea as well. However, swimming and body surfing is totally out of the question as I am afraid of being in the ocean. Being near or on the ocean is ok but entering the water is terrifying for me. I don’t know why. One of those weirdo phobia thingies. And I don’t actually wear bathing suits either. It is unkind to those who have to look at me.

The good news is that I live right next to the ocean so sleeping and picnicking and sailing are distinct possibilities. Yay!

3. Describe the perfect employment opportunity:

Marrying rich…just kidding.

I’d like to be my own boss and still be able to do creative things as well as work with animals. I never want to work for a boss again. Especially an insane boss. I’d like to have the freedom to tell a rude and nasty customer to fuck off. I’d like the freedom to fire an employee who was completely inept and terrible to work with. I’d like to be able to offer products and services that I felt good about and believed in.

Basically I am totally delusional.

4. If you had the option of living forever without one of the following, which would it be, and why: a) dust bunnies; b) shaving; or c) taking out the trash?

DEFINITELY b) shaving. But only if it meant I was no longer furry opposed to just somehow it becoming magically socially acceptable to let it all grow out. Without getting into great detail the reason why I chose shaving is because hair removal takes up a fair amount of time for me. I am part ape.

5. What's the first thing you notice about a potential romantic interest?

I like a guy who is smart. Not necessarily book smart (which is nice too) but street smart with good common sense. A guy with an opinion who has the facts to back it up. I like clever. A sense of humour is a must too. He has got to make me laugh.

Obviously I would only ever find this out about a guy if I got to know them beyond first impressions. I don’t have a ‘type’ of guy I am attracted to and if you lined up my past boyfriends you would laugh over how different they all were. I honestly don’t know what it is specifically that attracts me to a person right away. Just some sort of spark or something. It very rarely happens so I haven’t really figured it out yet. Often this spark has not lasted past that first impression once the guy opens his mouth and I hear what he has to say. More often than not they fizzle. I could probably tell you more about what I don’t like in a guy than what I do like.

Can you tell I am almost always single?

Thanks for the great questions, Eclectic.

This is how this meme works.

1. Leave me a comment saying that you would like to be interviewed. Include your email address if I can’t get it through your blog.

2. I will email you five questions that you HAVE to answer. I get to pick the questions. You don’t get to opt out if you don’t like the questions I give you so think twice before asking me for an interview. Don’t worry, I won’t ask you anything I wouldn’t be willing to answer myself.

3. You must post your answers to the questions on your blog. If you don’t have a blog I will post your answers on my blog under your name.

4. You have to include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

5. When other commenters ask to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

And so on and so on…

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-An Evening With Lulu

I had my Almost Dog Lulu over for a play date the other day. Her new mom has been busy teaching her new tricks. Check it out!

Too Much of a Good Thing

Can there be too many raisins in your raisin bran?

Yes. Yes, there can.

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-Special Easter Sunday Edition

Because Here Today, Gone Tomorrow asked about a Yoshi Bunny I stuck more shit to Yoshi's head. Mwahahahah!!

Yoshi plotting her revenge.
Watch out Here Today, Gone Tomorrow. If she poops on my pillow I'll be sending it to you.

Crush Your Cat's Head Friday-Better Than Chocolate

Who needs an Easter Bunny with something this cute hopping around your house?

An Unsanitary Truth

The ever lovely Miss Kula posted on her blog her conflict over taking public transit to work with upcoming construction delays versus driving to work and paying hefty parking fees. I related very much to her post as I go through some serious car guilt at times. Yes, only at times. For instance after watching ‘An Inconvenient Truth' or when I have to fill up my gas tank with very pricy Canadian gas (as of today priced at $3.82 USD per gallon). However when I am driving in my sweet heated car with tunes blasting and passing all the buses stopping to pick up the masses I don’t feel that bad at all. Not one little bit. Especially when it is pouring rain out like it does the majority of the time in Vancouver. We have a little term used to describe public transit – Loser Cruiser.

I didn’t make that up. Don’t kill the messenger!

I didn’t actually own a car until I was 22 years old and took the bus to and from high school and college as well as to my crappy retail job and to the bars on the weekends. I didn’t have any friends with cars so I didn’t get to carpool with them either. I’ve certainly served my time on transit.

This sucked. My city has an appallingly bad public transportation infrastructure for its size. There is rapid transit (like a subway) that goes to and through various suburbs but that is very limited and rarely does it comprise your whole journey. Almost everybody needs to get a bus to the Skytrain station (yes, that is the suck-ass name of it) and a bus from the closest stop to their final destination. And because busses are lame you probably have a long walk in there as well. Getting pretty much anywhere is a long and convoluted ordeal. And you are almost guaranteed to be late.

Working in the film industry doesn’t lend itself to using mass transit with early call times, late finishing times, strange out of the way locations and the fact that it is part of the job to travel with a huge amount of stuff. On top of that it may be in your job description to run errands and the bus just won’t cut it. It is wasteful but that is the type of work it is. Can’t be helped. So I enjoyed the luxury of driving to and from work and was thankful not to have to wait for busses after a 16 hour work day.

I live right in the city core so I can walk to do most of my everyday errands and only drive when I have to go a significant distance which is not very often these days. But with all this extra attention on greenhouse gasses I’ve thought about whether I would give up my car if I could take public transport to a job.

Sadly, I probably would not. It is not that I don’t want to but it is that I have been so severely traumatized by many terrible incidents on public transit that I plead Post Traumatic Transit Stress Disorder.

Seriously.

Let me tell you a few stories:

-I’ve been on a bus where somebody puked copiously right in front of me.

-Have you ever sat next to a person who was whispering to himself that he shouldn’t hurt you? I have.

-Once I was on a bus and a guy pulled a knife on the bus driver. Fortunately a police car was driving right by and the bus driver honked and the guy ran off.

-I’ve been totally sexually harassed on the bus both verbally (several times) and physically (more than once) with a guy jamming his hand up under my skirt.

-I can also tell you how scary it is when a guy follows you off the bus and tails you to your destination because that has happened to me quite a few times.

-There is also a little phenomenon that a lot of us ladies are familiar with and that is when you sit in the aisle seat and pervy guys who are standing next to your seat use the oh-so convenient jolting of the bus to grind their pelvis into your shoulder. GROOOOOOSSSSS!

-I was taking the bus out of a very affluent suburb when a police car pulled the bus over. A detective wearing a rumpled trench coat walked on the bus and snapped a pair of handcuffs on this guy sitting across from me and then hauled him off.

-Not to mention the B.O. and other nasty smells. And the disgusting steamy germs on every surface. *vomit* I HATE being surrounded by sneezing and hacking people. I feel like I need a peroxide bath after every trip.

There is one particular public transit instance that I don’t like to talk about that really sealed my future as a unrepentant smog belching car driver and that is when I was peed on while riding the bus. Yes, a guy urinated on me.

When I used to take the bus to high school I had to go through a very dodgy neighbourhood. I got fairly immune to the grubby state of people I sat next to because if one got picky about such things one would never get on the bus in the first place. EVER!! So I didn’t really pay much attention to the fact that the guy sitting next to me was looking pretty rough. In fact he looked like somebody had kicked the shit out of him. As I said, not an unusual happening in this neighbourhood. You know, covered in bruises and small cuts stitched with that nasty black thread. I also noticed this guy was wearing a hospital bracelet but sat next to him anyway because I was so used to it by then. Well, I got very unused to it when the guy’s bladder let lose and he very quietly and peacefully peed his pants. And yes, there was overflow which soaked the side of my pant leg. I don’t think I had ever moved so fast in my life as I did jumping up from that seat. He looked up at me and quietly said, “Ooops.” He sat in his own piss for another couple stops and then casually walked off the bus leaving me to silently freak THE FUCK OUT!!!

I had to transfer onto another bus to get home and everybody was looking at my lovely wet spot as well as judgmentally sniffing the air. It was HORRIBLE.

At that moment I vowed that as soon as I could afford a car I would never ride the bus again and once I got my car I have, for the most part, stayed true to my vow.

So that is my dilemma. What would you do in my position?