I am enchanted with a new TV show I stumbled upon today. MuchMusic (Canadian MTV) is offering a little gem called Rock School. The premise is that a class of school kids will be taught to be a decent rock band; an idea taken from the movie School of Rock starring Jack Black. Yet much of the show’s charm is the quaintness of the children. These kids go to a very prestigious boarding school for the musically inclined in England. The uniforms resemble British barrister robes and are only missing the wigs. It is like they have been left behind in time. I think the age range is about 12-13 years for both boys and girls and they all have very upper crust accents. Snore, you say. So what? Oh, but there is more. The school has brought in an expert to teach these children rock n’ roll. The music instructor, a scion of authority and respectability, is none other than Gene “My Tongue Is An Extra Appendage” Simmons of KISS. Oh yeah, it is getting good. Mr. “Tie My Uvula In A Knot” walks into this class of innocent souls and educates/corrupts them on the finer points of rocking out. Do you have any idea how much money I would pay to be part of that class? BITCHMILLIONS! I have to confess to a certain fascination with Gene “Orally Hypnotic” Simmons starting in early teenhood. We are not talking about a typical rock star crush but more a morbid curiosity that somebody like that is actually real and not a cartoon character. He is simply, too good to be true.
So Mr. Luscious Mc Lickerson shows these little freaks that rock is not about technique and precision like they have been taught classical music to be all these years but about feeling and emotion and kicking ass. “Why little freaks,” you ask? The kids know NOTHING about rock music. Somehow, some way, their parents managed to raise them in a closet thus keeping them totally ignorant of The Devil’s Anthems. So posters of Jimi Hendrix and Axel Rose go up on the walls. The kids are encouraged to act out and air guitar on their desks to the horror of the headmistress. A lead singer is chosen based not on his singing ability but due to the fact that he is an outcast and, frankly, a bit weird. This is a show after my own heart.
Next week the kids debate with Gene Slutfestival Simmons his claim to have slept with over 4600 women. I am so tuning in for that.