Life in the Slow Lane

Life in the Slow Lane

Monday, October 24, 2005

Mrtl's Motif Monday-Dates From Hell

Today’s topic at Mrtl’s Motif Monday is Bad Dates. Surprisingly with my spotty dating history I haven’t had too many terrible experiences. One does stand out for me though and still puzzles me a little. What can I say? It was weird.

When I was eighteen I met this guy, Dan, at a party of a friend of a friend. I knew him by sight as he was quite a popular guy and considered very cool in the local alternative scene. He knew everybody and everybody knew him. Or knew of him. He had shoulder length black hair and rode a motorcycle and was friends with all the local punk musicians and I had seen him at a lot of gigs. He was also quite a bit older than me. I don’t remember by exactly how much but quite a bit. I had just graduated from high school and was very shy and not popular or well known (unlike after I worked in that very trendy shoe store when I did become well known and popular in a bizarre way) and did not really pay much attention to Dan at this party. I was just talking with friends and not trying to impress anybody. I guess he noticed me and asked the hostess of the party who I was. She told me he wanted to ask me out and I simply don’t remember if he called me up or if the date was arranged through her. I think the latter. But arrangements were made and we were going to see a movie.

I was shit scared as this guy was soooo cool and I was soooo not and I remember being super nervous. The first thing that tipped me off that the date might not be all that fabulous was that he didn’t want to pick me up but asked me to meet him at his place instead. This was OK with me as I was embarrassed that I lived with my parents in the suburbs and didn’t want them to meet him as they probably wouldn’t approve. It also made sense to me that if we were going to see a flick downtown, where he also happened to live, it was logical to met him there. I arrived and waited in the living room while he finished getting ready. We left and started walking to the theatre. He didn’t say anything along the way and in the uncomfortable silence I believe I babbled like an idiot. We sat at the movie and he still didn’t say anything. Then the movie started and there was no handholding or anything. I think I tried to stir something up by touching his knee or something tentative like that and he totally ignored me. And I was humiliated by that minor rejection. We left the movie and went next door to get a coffee in a very trendy café. He still hardly talked to me but knew somebody there and talked to them instead without introducing me. I was still so star-struck by this guy that even though I was pretty mad I didn’t say anything. I should have run away because it just got worse and the silences got longer. Dan then suggested we go to the local punk/trendy nightclub for a drink. I was scared about that as I was not legal drinking age yet (it is 19 in my province) and I looked very young. I rarely ever managed to get in without being ID’d and turned away. So we waited in the very long line up and he still didn’t say anything. At this point I was feeling very uncomfortable and sure he loathed me and so I wasn’t saying anything either. Dead silence. We had not waited very long before the bouncer spotted him and gestured for him to come up to the front. In fact the bouncer had recognised Dan as practically local royalty and so my lovely date turned around, waved and then walked into the club leaving me to wait in the line up on my own! Holy FUCK! I was so angry and upset and embarrassed and in utter disbelief. My first instinct was to walk away. But remember I was young and the second thought that entered my mind was that if I walked away he might think I got ID’d and didn’t get in and that was more embarrassing to me. So I stayed and waited about 45 minutes and managed to get in. I found him sitting by the bar surrounded by about a dozen gorgeous women and about that many drinks that had been bought for him by these gorgeous women. He saw me and pulled up a stool next to him for me to sit on and then proceeded to not talk to me but chat to every single gorgeous woman that surrounded us. And for about half an hour I sat there and got dirty looks and outright snubs from all these much older and very beautiful chicks. Their jealousy wasn’t even enough to redeem the night in any way. I don’t really remember exactly how the night ended but I think I just made some lame excuse and left early. I just couldn’t handle it. I never went out with him again (he never called and I never did either) although I saw him all the time. It was the weirdest date ever and I still wonder why he even asked me.

The funny thing is about 7 years later I ran into Dan at the neighbourhood corner store. I know he recognised me but he wasn’t saying anything, acting all cool. I absolutely HATE it when people do that so I always approach those kind of people and re-introduce myself and act all friendly because I never want to stoop to their level. So he warmed up somewhat and we had a little chat. It happened to be New Year’s Eve day and he asked what I was doing that night. I happened to be having a party and out of awkwardness told him he and whoever he wanted to bring were welcome to drop by never expecting to him accept the invitation. He didn’t and I didn’t think about him again. About three months later, one night out of the blue, my apartment buzzer rang and it was Dan dropping by. He had remembered my vague directions from the corner store. First of all I hate it when people just drop by without even a phone call first as I am often in my PJs and in total sloth mode. As it happened that night I had badly sprained my wrist at work and was on painkillers and totally out of it. I was dressed like a hobo and had no make-up on or anything. My roommate and I let him and served him tea and that guy talked our ears off for hours. I had no idea he could talk so much. It was spooky and kinda freaked me out a little. I finally had to ask him to leave so I could go to bed. Then he found my phone number in the phone book and started calling me, asking me out for coffee or to his place for videos and even occasionally including my roommate in the invitations as if it might make me feel more comfortable. Somehow I had caught his fancy with my splint and dirty hair and stained sweatshirt. I kept on refusing because:

1. I was soooo busy with school and work and didn’t have a lot of extra time.

2. I was not interested in him but in somebody else at my school whom I wanted to spend my precious time with.

After about the 10th time he had called and I had once again politely refused his invitation he got very snitty with me and said, “Well, you seem to be very busy all the time.” and I agreed that I was. He then hung up on me.



Closet Metro said...

What a tool.

Ern said...

What a freak! He obviously was too caught up in himself the first time, and then years later, when he realized that you were the bomb, pj's and all, he regretted his...toolishness, as CM so aptly described.

spoonleg said...

BWAHAHAHA! Way to get him back, Kranki! Of course you're WAY too busy for tools like that!

But that thing at the nightclub... OH MY GOD. I am fuming just reading about it. I would have WALKED AWAY. Man, I've been on some awkward dates in my life but not like THAT.

Magical_M said...

I second what closet metro said.

happyandblue2 said...

That is the worst date I have ever heard of. You should get an award for it or something..

Squirl said...

What a moronic jerk. Too bad you didn't have your thirty-something, been-through-cancer self to tell him off at that time. He really needed it.

kalki said...

WHOA. This is unbelievable.

Dude has issues.

fueltank said...

Dan? His name was Dan? Are you telling the truth? I thought it was, er, some other mystery man.

Not a good date but not the worst, either. One of my best dates ended with my drunkenly peeing on the hood of her car, in the middle of the afternoon.

Thanks for reminding me of that one. Oh, and it was a blind date, too. Nor was it the last date...

Art Bergman Final Cliché

... it just seemed appropriate

laura said...

I say we hunt him down. Tool is the word of the day.

ScottyGee said...

He needs to attend the ScottyGee school of dating. Which is currently bakrupt and non-operational.

What a tool!

eclectic said...

I'm laughing AT him, envisioning his head as a GIANT hammer and the rest of him as the handle. *hah* How bizarre he was!!

Precisiongirl said...

That is hilarious!! Most of the people I thought were uber cool when I was younger turned out to be really boring.

Kassi said...

What a wack job.

Good for you!

Candace said...

OMG, what an ass.

But listen! I'm going to see Rollins on Saturday! I'm going to try to wait after the show to get his autograph for you!

You totally love me now, don't you?

mrtl said...

I wonder what happened during the off years to humble him. Stupid man.

circe said...

What a weirdo!!!!!!!!!! You were waaay too nice, the bastid!

Divine Calm said...

What the heck?

Very bizarre.

Hänni said...

What a freaktard. He doesn't even get the distinction of just being called a "freak" or a "retard." No, he's attained the level of being both simultaneously.

I can't believe he left you in line at the club!

whfropera said...

how about getting vK Rollins himself as a giftie?
I bet if he showed up at your door...
i hear he's an ass man.

and i pretty much agree w/everyone else - thats guy should go in the urban dictionary under the definition of tool.

Bucky Four-Eyes said...

First: what a maroon. What a ta-ra-ra-goon-dee-ay.

Second: I HATE it when people just drop in on me. Unless I am having sex with you - which, chances are, I'm not - then it's not okay.

Von Krankipantzen said...

closet m-EXACTLY!

ern-toolishness? That is sooo funny. Toolocity!

spoonie-I would so walk away now but back then I was too worried about appearing too young. I was a tool as well.

magical m-me too! TOOL!

happyandblue2-is it really the worst? WOW! I am not sure if I should feel proud...

squirl-I totally had not learned to stand up for myself at 18. I would so kick his ass now.

kalki-dude was an ass.

fuel-his name really was Dan. And you PISSED on your date's car? DUDE!

laura-he is a dad now. We shouldn't hurt him.

scottygee-do you give your pals dating tips? I wonder who told Dan he was rocking Dateland.

eclectic-he is 6'7" so he was a very large hammer.

precisiongirl-you are so right. The fact that I was 18 worked in his favour. He probably couldn't get a chick his own age. Good to see you back again!

kassi-it was the weirdest night EVER!

misfit-OOOOOOH! Give him a hug from me.*and feel his muscles too* I am seeing him on Nov 15th but they don't let people get autographs at those shows. I was just waiting in my seat for a friend after the show once and they threw me out. The venue security are militant. And yes, I do love you no matter what!

mrtl-I think all the people who thought he was cool finally grew up.

circe-bastid! That is my new favourite word.

divine c-it was seriously weird...

hanni-freaktard! My other new favourite word. Excellent!

whfropera-I might spontaneously combust if I got HIM instead of an autograph. But just warn me so I can clean my apartment, wear make-up and lose 30 lbs.

b4e-You too!?! I love it when people visit but just warn me a little. See whfropera above. If you drop in at my house chances are you'll find me in my PJs.

Susie said...

My jaw dropped so many times here. What a wackjob (clinical diagnosis). Dan is the original "alleged schlong."