It seems that my aura is rather clingy today. I went on a big grocery shop to stock up on lots of comfort food type products guaranteed to soothe my soul and increase my thighs. While walking down the store aisles food was literally throwing itself off the shelves in my wake. I am NOT KIDDING! I was not flailing about or making any grand sweeping gestures. I swear! I must have returned a dozen miscellaneous items to the shelves after hearing them hit the floor behind me. What is this about? Some poor guy even fell down but I think that was because he was old. I was pretty far away at the time. But still! Weird day.
Semi-Spoiler Alert! America's Next Top Model
How much do I love this show?!? You have no idea. I am looking towards my convalescence solely because I have this show to watch. I love this kind of smut. Cat fights, temper tantrums, lesbian undertones. This group seems more insane than usual. I am pretty sure a few were chosen for their personality disorders over their looks. Generally I am not a fan of this TV genre. I have not ever seen 'Survivor'. Missed 'The Amazing Race' completely. 'The Apprentice' left me cold. 'Fear Factor' bores me. But A.N.T.M. - LOVE IT!!! Tyra Banks (AKA: Miss THANG!) slays me with her model wisdom and beauty pep talks. Her forehead is fascinating. Is this wrong?
And Here Comes The Rant!
Actually many of those young women remind me of this particular classmate in high school. I won't divulge her real name but let's call her Scrag for this story. Scrag was in practically all my classes for a couple of years so I was privy to a lot of her....um...hijinks. Here was this woman, and she was definitely a woman over us scrawny little girls, who was stunning to look at. She was what all us regular girls wished we were. She was a model. Scrag would fly to Paris during school holidays to work while the rest of us would go camping with our folks or slave at McDonald's. She was also very smart. Despite the fact she missed classes regularly for her modeling career she maintained a magnificent grade point average. She was also very popular. She dated all the jocks, hung out with all the cool kids and had all the best clothes. These clothes, despite it being the 80's, looked fabulous on her. Basically, her presence awed us all. But during the time I shared a classroom with her I saw something shocking to me. She, the woman among girls, who seemingly had EVERYTHING, went OUT OF HER WAY to shit on the less popular kids. She would encourage group harassment of other girls who were just trying to get through the day physically and emotionally intact. I was not one of her picked-on but I was well aware her spotlight could find me at any time. It was terrifying. But it was also very sad. I used to sit there and watch her do these nasty things with this witchy little smile on her face and want to scream -WHY?? You have everything going for you and have so much power when so many of us feel so helpless and you go out of your way to CRUSH somebody's spirit. Or whole school career for that matter. The stigma rarely left those she singled out. With all the possibilities ahead of her and all the talent and skills she had, Scrag chose to boost her ego by stomping on the little guys. It was a very magical teenage moment for me to realize that possessing beauty in it's many forms did not guarantee happiness and positive self esteem. It might mean a better life and more opportunities because, let's be honest here, beautiful people have it easier out there. But they don't necessarily have an easier time in their own skin. Where the counts the most.
As a result of this observation as well as the reality of knowing I couldn't ride on my looks alone, I chose to focus on improving my mind rather than my appearance. You know, hone my winning personality! I thought it would serve me better in life. And for the most part it has. And I thought it was all good. Until now! The first blush of youth is definitely gone. Try being in your 30's and still fighting acne. I can't believe how all of a sudden my ass ballooned out. Overnight! My face is sagging. I have 'the crepe' starting under my eyes. Can you say GREY HAIR!? Clothes don't fit me anymore. Or better yet - look ridiculous on me. You know that startling realization that you just can't wear those styles anymore without looking like an ass. To my knowledge I haven't been 'checked out' by a male for YEARS! No dates. No interest. Nothing. All those fabulous men out there can't see my brain and inner charm when they walk past me on the street. All they see are my scruffy sneakers and latest zit.
I guess it can go both ways.
The moral of the story - balance PEOPLE! Balance!