I know it seems that I dropped the bombshell of the state of my breast cancer and my impending chemo and then I have gone on like nothing is happening. I’ll tell you what is happening. I am in a bit of a survival mode right now. Doing basic things seem really hard and I am thankful I don’t have a full plate right now. I am fluctuating wildly between despair and acceptance. There is a lot buzzing around in my head and I am taking a lot of quiet time to sort it all out. My mom has been worried that I am isolating myself but I have been a loner for a while and am used to dealing with stuff on my own. My mom is absolutely devastated as she has been through this before with my aunt and nobody should have to do it again. Especially with their daughter. It breaks my heart. There are just so many ways to feel sad about this. And that is normal.
So here is what is new. Nothing! I am waiting for a call from the Cancer Clinic to get appointments for what happens next. The waiting game continues. I should hear from them this week and I will let you all know what is going on the minute I know myself. Until then I am trying to be as centered as possible. That and taking loads of tranqs.
I have added a wish list to my blog. I was reluctant to do this as I don’t like asking for stuff but my cancer support worker said it was a good idea as these items can be helpful to make me feel better. Especially since I don’t have a live-in family etc to do little things (*MOM-You do way too much already!) for me or a big bank account to purchase some stuff I may physically or mentally or emotionally need. I honestly do not expect anybody to get me stuff but I know many of my friends and family are not close by and may feel helpless and want to do something for me. If you would like to check out the wish list please do so but DO NOT feel any obligation to participate. Right now it is books and CDs and DVDs but I will be adding such things like vitamins/supplements and medical/holistic type items as I become aware of them. And then Louboutins, Cartier and Heatherette will be added as I start feeling better. Then a nice hybrid car will top the list when the Cancer Free Road Trip is planned.