A conversation just had with my upstairs neighbour. The very same neighbour who has been so delightfully quiet throughout her tenancy in this shitty anti-soundproofed house that I was devastated to learn she was moving. The very same neighbour who has been up and crashing around since 5 AM!!!!!!! The very same neighbour who had been crashing around past 11 pm the night before. The very same neighbour I want to kill right now with my bare hands.
Knock Knock
Door opens with Upstairs Neighbour and Her Parents looking at me like, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU KNOCKING AT 6 AM!?!?
Me: Hi! It is 6 am and I was wondering if you could be a little quieter.
The Mother: She is moving out, ya know?!?
Me: Yes I know but you are wearing shoes and your stomping around and moving stuff is really echoing through the hardwood floors. It is 6 am.
The Neighbour: Yeah, OK!
The Father: Looking down at shoes-OOOPS!
The Mother: But he is going in and out, ya know!
Me: My bedroom is right under where you all are standing and you have woken me up with all the noise.
The Mother: Well she is moving out, ya know.
Me: Yes, I know BUT I AM ILL AND I NEED TO SLEEP!!!!
Turn around and stomp off.
Fin
The moral of the story- I will play the cancer card, fuckers! Don’t wake me up or keep me up. I have lived here a long time and I have ways of cutting off your water supply.
Stay tuned –let’s see what fresh new neighbours I have to break in.
3 comments:
AND JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME!
Actually I assumed it was the new tenant and I was very surprised that it wasn't. She has been a super quiet neighbour all along. But 5am? She incurs my wrath for that.
Hi Stacey--
I just had to comment on this post because you mentioned 'playing the cancer card.' I don't get to do that much anymore (thank God!), but I still love that phrase. And when used sparingly, it's very effective.
Another line that worked for me once when my husband was tickling me: "Stop it--I'm bald!" He laughed so hard that he had to let me up.
I also had 9 positive nodes, so I know how you're feeling. There are lots of other details that I won't go into here, but if I can help answer questions or anything just shoot me an email. The doctors know how to do the chemo, and the nurses are great at what they do too. But I've found that other survivors are sometimes the best source of advice about the stupid little things.
Hang in there!
Hi Sharkey
Thanks for dropping by. You are so right-you have to laugh about stuff. For instance I have been receiving lots of little gifts and cards since my diagnosis and I mentioned to my mom the other day, "Who knew cancer could be so lucrative?" She didn't know whether to laugh or hit me.
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