Pondering The Mysteries

I have been thinking a lot about Kylie Minogue over the last couple of days and her recent breast cancer diagnosis. We are the same age. I can’t say that I am a huge fan of her music but I have to admit she is one sexy chick. Two weeks ago my dear friend, Mr. P, saw her in concert while he was visiting London. According to P it was “Faggot Wonderland” and he had the best time EVER. As you all know I was at home getting chemo for my own breast cancer and was not able to partake in the festivities.

Whether you live a very ordinary life like myself or an extraordinary life like Kylie Minogue cancer never comes at the right time. Interestingly I have since learned that cancer often comes at the worst time.

At my very first oncology doctor’s appointment one amongst the millions of medical questions my doc asked me was how my life was recently. I told her that things had been going especially great lately. I mentioned that I was in the process of opening my own business that very easily could have meant a fair amount of financial freedom after having to “borrow” toilet paper from my folks on more than one occasion over the years. I said that I found it all too coincidental and I was very bitter about it. She smiled at me and told me the reason she asks that question is because more often than not she has found that newly diagnosed cancer patients are at the best parts of their life. That more often that not her patients tell her that things have very recently improved in some way like new babies or marriages. Sometimes a new job or a new house. Even retirement and an impending world trip. I didn’t really know what to say to that, as I couldn’t even grasp a reason why that might happen. It doesn’t make sense to me.

I can’t say I have ever felt like a rock star but I can certainly say I am now going through some of what Miss Minogue will be going through all too soon. I can’t imagine doing this in the spotlight. I wouldn’t mind having Olivier Martinez holding my hand through the tough parts either but it can’t be easy to be part of a scene that is so body conscious while dealing with breast cancer. For me there is no 3rd party before and after. I don’t have a boyfriend or husband who knew me as I was before and will have to get used to the changes after everything is done. Part of me is relieved but part of me is sad about that too. I will only have my subjective memories. And I am not just talking about the physical changes but the mental and emotional ones as well. She has images of her body splashed everywhere. She has copies of interviews and articles about each and every step of her career. The comparisons are going to be enormous for her. It is and will be a strange time for her as it is for everybody whose life drastically changes from one day to the next. She was on the top of her game.

I just feel really sad for her.