Life in the Slow Lane

Life in the Slow Lane

Saturday, May 28, 2005

I Dare Not Speak Its Name

I have hesitated to post about this in the past as I have felt it is really Dooce’s area of expertise and I don’t want to step on any toes. It is kinda embarrassing as well. But this is my life and I said I wouldn’t hide behind niceties. I am talking about CONSTIPATION! Yes, I am one constipated girl. In fact I have decided my long time lack of poopage is maybe why I got cancer in the first place. All those toxins raging from my rear end to my boobs. Just a thought.

What I am experiencing now is a whole new level of blockage not yet felt by my body in my lifetime. The fabulously effective and expensive medication I use for chemo nausea has constipation as a side effect. The power of this cancels out the diahrrea side effect of the chemo. Completely. I would so love the runs right now, as what is coming out of my butt is more akin to rocks. When my caboose is actually producing, that is. I am presently scarfing prunes like I normally inhale chocolate as well as taking fibre laxatives twice a day and all the various other dietary eases I can think of. No joy. I was poopless for SEVEN WHOLE DAYS and then once I saw some action it felt like my poor ass was plundered by poop pirates. I have actually PRAYED over this. I am also afraid of cheese.

Ok. What next? This is adding insult AND injury to an already sucky situation. What can I do to ease my pain? I guess I could go through Dooce’s archives but I would rather start a whole new forum here. Any sure-fire pooping remedies? We are talking nuclear strength here!


mrtl said...

Dried apricots. I usually won't eat more than 10 if I'm suffering. You may need a whole bag.

Courtney said...

Beer. Prolly don't want to hit the Guiness while on chemo, tho.

Candace said...

Apricots, definitely. Prunes are OK, but the pureed prunes are better than the dried ones; don't know why. And lots and lots and lots of water. More. Nope, more. Little bit more.

Squirl said...

I"m with Resquicat on the beer. I don't know if you can drink it right now or not. If I haven't had one for a while it usually works like a charm. And I hate the kind of poop that I call pebbles. Just little baby rocks that feel like jagged rocks as they make their way out.

I also eat vegetables with lots of fiber. Good luck!

The Merry Widow said...

Senna. It comes in tea form and in a pill form. It's a natural, herbal laxative. My husband took it while he was on chemo.

Susie said...

I got nothin' that hasn't been suggested. Sometimes dairy does it for me, but not always. Wishing you POOP. (I always say things to you that I've never told anyone else :)

Von Krankipantzen said...

mrtl-Apricots are so now on th grocery list. Along with figs. And more prunes. Thanks for the tip. I am so happy it was a yummy one.

Requiscat-I haven't had a drink in ages. Alcohol makes me nauseaous. But back in the beer drinking days I don't remember it doing that for me. Maybe it would now. I will ask my oncologist if it is ok to drink a beer or 2. Thanks!

Misfit-I knew that would come up at some point. Water is my Waterloo. I just have a hard time putting that much away. I am lucky if I can get down 6-8 glasses in a day. I will try though. I know it is the best thing. Thanks. Gulp!

Squirl- you are describing what I call goat poops to me. I get that too. I have been told it is a sign of IBS. I know I have that. Once on the advice of a gastro doc I did a herbal colon cleanse kit and had a violent reaction to one of the ingredients. My skin turned greenish grey I was so ill. Probably the burdock root as it is higly toxic. Can blow your blood pressure through the roof. I think I will stick to veggies. In the past a little bag of mini carrots would do the trick. Maybe a big bag now. Thanks for the tips.

Merry W-Senna? Is that a brand name of a type of fibre? I am totally going to get on that. I am scared of a lot of herbal remedies though - see above reply. But fibre would be ok. Thanks for the suggestion.

Susie- I wish dairy would do it for me but it does the opposite. Hence my fear of cheese. I totally appreciate the poop benediction. I love that you go out on a limb for me.

Big Heavy said...

have you tried fish oil pills? they seem to make my rear production silky smooth.